Baby I've Got My Eye On You
Twenty
“You’re going to brake my window!” I laughed in a whisper as Brian attempted to crawl head first through the small space. My room being on the top floor, I was already amused by the fact that he literally crawled up the drain-pipe to get up here, and as he struggled to push his arse through the opening, I found it hard to contain myself.
“Don’t laugh” he whined as he finally succeeded.
“I don’t understand why you couldn’t just use a door like a normal person!”
“Would you feel this happy now if I walked through the door like a normal person?” I knew he was right. He had an amazing ability to cheer me up, what ever the problem. Whenever he did something stupid or childish I felt my heart thump like a deep and heavy sigh, opposed to the anguish and reserved bitterness it used to bash out before I met him: a bit like on ‘The Grinch’, when Cindy Lou make’s The Grinch’s heart grow two sizes bigger.
“Anyway,” he said walking over to the bed and slumping down upon the great mound of cushions, “You promised I could stay at your house tonight. So, I am.” He projected an accomplished grin as he laced his hands behind his head to stress a position of relaxation.
“Oh yes” I said folding my arms, “I like how you come back knowing that all the drama is over.”
His expression fell.
“Well… I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to stay…” he said.
“Why?”
“Because…you haven’t mentioned me to your parents at all. Just because he was pissed doesn’t mean he’d approve.”
“I don’t think he’d care either way now” I said in thought, but Syn was probably right, neither of us knew how the evening was going to pan out exactly, and the last thing me or Beth needed was a drunken lecture on dating older men with tattoos from a father who couldn’t keep his own relationship on the rails.
“You’re taking this much better than Beth” he mumbled as we lay on the bed, tired but unable to sleep.
“Hmm?” I asked a bit confused, “When did you see her? I don’t even have a clue where she’s gone.”
“She’s at Zacky’s” he said, “I’ve just came from there.”
“Oh. Why do you say that then?” I questioned, worried for my elder sibling’s emotional wellbeing.
“Say what?”
“You said ‘You’re taking this much better than Beth’”
“Oh…” He said, scratching his head with a face that had a pensive quality, as though he was thinking carefully about how to word his reply. “Well…she came over and…started like…hitting the walls…as it were…”
I said nothing. Beth always had slight issues with her anger. She had a lot of it with no where specific to direct it. I remembered she used to get in to a lot of fights when she was still at school, and she’d hit me on a couple of occasions - years back during a typical sister’s argument.
“Zacky tried to calm her down and she totally bit his head off” I laughed, “In the end, we had to give her a shot of vodka and take her to Matt’s to use his punch bag!”
I laughed at the thought of the dainty blonde frightening the life out of the three muscled men as she bashed away at the surface of a punch bag. It would do her the world of good; tomorrow, she’d more than likely be acting normal whilst I lied about how futile I felt.
“It’s funny how people deal with shit differently,” thought Brian.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, like you and your sister. When she gets mad, she makes damn sure everyone knows about it, drinks a lot and gets violent. Or so that’s how it seems”
I nodded, “So?”
“Well you’re the exact opposite babe. You like have this shell and you keep yourself inside it getting more pissed off by the second but don’t say a word.”
I didn’t know whether to feel insulted by this or not, at least he didn’t get the impression I was an alchy, like he obviously had of my sister.
“It’s quite cute really. It’s part of that shy thing you do.”
I blushed.
“That’s the one!” he said with a smirk, lowering his head to plant a kiss on my lips.
“I don’t think I want to have a shell anymore, Brian. I just don’t want to care at all.”
“What. Like not even care about me?”
“Well of course about you. I just feel like running away again. Like I used to”
“So why don’t you, Bench Girl?” he asked, and although his wording made me slightly amused and reminiscent of a few weeks back when I was less than a shadow of who I was now, his facial expression was deadly serious, so much so that I didn’t understand what he was getting at.
“Because I have you?” I said, hoping it was the right answer.
“So what if we both ran away?”
“Ugh…Brian, I can’t quite tell if you’re joking!”
“Roz…” he sighed, burying his face in my neck with an affectionate yet worried tone. One that made me dread what he was about to say.
“Roz, we’re going on tour. Really soon.” He said carefully; the words still hit me like bullets. This timing was so unfair and I dreaded being totally alone. I dreaded all the things that might happen whilst Avenged Sevenfold were on tour, who he’d meet and what he might…do.
“…How soon?” I whispered.
“Saturday.”
“Oh.”
“You can come, Roz” he said holding my hand tightly, “I want you to come. If you want to ‘run away’ from this shit like you say you do, then…you should come…”
“But… I can’t just leave my Dad when he’s having this…breakdown…”
“That’s what I thought you’d say,” he sighed, “That’s what I knew you’d say.”
We both frowned as we looked down at our entwined fingers. I wanted to go with Brian but not be burdened with guilt the whole tour. And yet, why? Why should I care so much about a parent who lacked the ability to show the mutual love? I was too nice. Too stupid more like. The thoughts swam around in my head until I came to the point when I just wanted to say what I felt, rather than what I thought was the best thing to say, or the thing that would please everybody.
“I care about you more than them,” I said to Brian bluntly, pinning him down on the bed. And with that in mind, he began to show me how much he cared in return, starting with the removal of my clothes.
“Don’t laugh” he whined as he finally succeeded.
“I don’t understand why you couldn’t just use a door like a normal person!”
“Would you feel this happy now if I walked through the door like a normal person?” I knew he was right. He had an amazing ability to cheer me up, what ever the problem. Whenever he did something stupid or childish I felt my heart thump like a deep and heavy sigh, opposed to the anguish and reserved bitterness it used to bash out before I met him: a bit like on ‘The Grinch’, when Cindy Lou make’s The Grinch’s heart grow two sizes bigger.
“Anyway,” he said walking over to the bed and slumping down upon the great mound of cushions, “You promised I could stay at your house tonight. So, I am.” He projected an accomplished grin as he laced his hands behind his head to stress a position of relaxation.
“Oh yes” I said folding my arms, “I like how you come back knowing that all the drama is over.”
His expression fell.
“Well… I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to stay…” he said.
“Why?”
“Because…you haven’t mentioned me to your parents at all. Just because he was pissed doesn’t mean he’d approve.”
“I don’t think he’d care either way now” I said in thought, but Syn was probably right, neither of us knew how the evening was going to pan out exactly, and the last thing me or Beth needed was a drunken lecture on dating older men with tattoos from a father who couldn’t keep his own relationship on the rails.
“You’re taking this much better than Beth” he mumbled as we lay on the bed, tired but unable to sleep.
“Hmm?” I asked a bit confused, “When did you see her? I don’t even have a clue where she’s gone.”
“She’s at Zacky’s” he said, “I’ve just came from there.”
“Oh. Why do you say that then?” I questioned, worried for my elder sibling’s emotional wellbeing.
“Say what?”
“You said ‘You’re taking this much better than Beth’”
“Oh…” He said, scratching his head with a face that had a pensive quality, as though he was thinking carefully about how to word his reply. “Well…she came over and…started like…hitting the walls…as it were…”
I said nothing. Beth always had slight issues with her anger. She had a lot of it with no where specific to direct it. I remembered she used to get in to a lot of fights when she was still at school, and she’d hit me on a couple of occasions - years back during a typical sister’s argument.
“Zacky tried to calm her down and she totally bit his head off” I laughed, “In the end, we had to give her a shot of vodka and take her to Matt’s to use his punch bag!”
I laughed at the thought of the dainty blonde frightening the life out of the three muscled men as she bashed away at the surface of a punch bag. It would do her the world of good; tomorrow, she’d more than likely be acting normal whilst I lied about how futile I felt.
“It’s funny how people deal with shit differently,” thought Brian.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, like you and your sister. When she gets mad, she makes damn sure everyone knows about it, drinks a lot and gets violent. Or so that’s how it seems”
I nodded, “So?”
“Well you’re the exact opposite babe. You like have this shell and you keep yourself inside it getting more pissed off by the second but don’t say a word.”
I didn’t know whether to feel insulted by this or not, at least he didn’t get the impression I was an alchy, like he obviously had of my sister.
“It’s quite cute really. It’s part of that shy thing you do.”
I blushed.
“That’s the one!” he said with a smirk, lowering his head to plant a kiss on my lips.
“I don’t think I want to have a shell anymore, Brian. I just don’t want to care at all.”
“What. Like not even care about me?”
“Well of course about you. I just feel like running away again. Like I used to”
“So why don’t you, Bench Girl?” he asked, and although his wording made me slightly amused and reminiscent of a few weeks back when I was less than a shadow of who I was now, his facial expression was deadly serious, so much so that I didn’t understand what he was getting at.
“Because I have you?” I said, hoping it was the right answer.
“So what if we both ran away?”
“Ugh…Brian, I can’t quite tell if you’re joking!”
“Roz…” he sighed, burying his face in my neck with an affectionate yet worried tone. One that made me dread what he was about to say.
“Roz, we’re going on tour. Really soon.” He said carefully; the words still hit me like bullets. This timing was so unfair and I dreaded being totally alone. I dreaded all the things that might happen whilst Avenged Sevenfold were on tour, who he’d meet and what he might…do.
“…How soon?” I whispered.
“Saturday.”
“Oh.”
“You can come, Roz” he said holding my hand tightly, “I want you to come. If you want to ‘run away’ from this shit like you say you do, then…you should come…”
“But… I can’t just leave my Dad when he’s having this…breakdown…”
“That’s what I thought you’d say,” he sighed, “That’s what I knew you’d say.”
We both frowned as we looked down at our entwined fingers. I wanted to go with Brian but not be burdened with guilt the whole tour. And yet, why? Why should I care so much about a parent who lacked the ability to show the mutual love? I was too nice. Too stupid more like. The thoughts swam around in my head until I came to the point when I just wanted to say what I felt, rather than what I thought was the best thing to say, or the thing that would please everybody.
“I care about you more than them,” I said to Brian bluntly, pinning him down on the bed. And with that in mind, he began to show me how much he cared in return, starting with the removal of my clothes.