Baby I've Got My Eye On You

Silhouettes lazily danced along the corners of the dark room. It was 2.26 AM; the old alarm clock that had sat comfortably on the bed-side unit for eighteen years silently blinked out the time in its fluorescent green numbering. Everything seemed wonderful and peaceful, evidence of early morning traffic escaped through the small gap between my curtains, passing small flickers of light into my room. I wondered who would be up at this time of night – or rather morning – and felt so lucky not to be them, to by lying next to someone that made me aware of my own heartbeat. He had fallen to sleep hours ago and I had just watched him, unable to sleep. I didn’t mind, infact, I found myself questioning how I’d ever been able to allow myself to become unconscious around him, he was too good to miss whilst dreaming. The small amount of light printed shadows on the contours of his face and arms, defining his cheekbones and every muscle. His eyelids twitched every now and again, or deep breaths would escape his narrowly parted lips; it made me nervous of him waking. I’d be awfully embarrassed if he caught me just…staring at him in the dead of the night. One thing for certain, was that Brian still made me blush exactly the same way as he did the first time we met. I wished I could remember that night better; it seemed so wasteful of me not to have an internal shine to it in my head, given how much it had changed my life. But we had met so many times after that in such similar ways that it didn’t seem all that special at all, just two dark figures sat miserably on a bench somewhere in a park somewhere, feeling grateful for eachother’s quiet company.

An abrupt noise leapt into the quiet scene like a brick through a window. My body jolted in shock beneath the bedclothes. Brian’s eyes shot open and stared back at me. We didn’t speak, we didn’t move – we just waited like trained guard dogs for signs of any more ruckus. When the second bang came, we both sat up. I wasn’t sure whether to wait more or not. We were both well aware of the last time we’d heard an ‘intruder’ in my house; I didn’t no whether to pray for it to be my dad or not – if it was, then he was drunk, back to his old ways again, and if it wasn’t…the thought was even more unnerving.

“It’s not your dad” Brian whispered as he quickly got out of bed and pulled on his boxers, “there are two, I can hear them talking.”
“Oh my god” I muttered, scrambling to find my discarded underwear, “fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Don’t be scared” he said as I stood beside him, but I couldn’t help be anything but. I pulled on my dressing gown, starting for the door – but Brian grabbed my elbow, going ahead of me.
“Do…do you have like…a baseball bat or something…” Brian whispered as we tried to tread silently along the corridor.
“There is one in Beth’s bedroom” I told him, aware that my grip on his hand was probably cutting off his circulation. We reached my sister’s room and Brian suddenly backed up from the door like it had just punched him in the face.
“What” I whispered in panic, “are they in there, are they in Beth’s room!?” I didn’t know why I asked. I could hear them whispering clear enough myself now.

The next thing I knew, Brian had kicked open the door and I had screwed up my eyes in absolute fear. I didn’t want to see any burglars, I wanted to be ignorant of the knowledge that there were bodies foreign to the household currently ran sacking my sister’s room.
“…What… what are you doing Beth?” I heard Brian say in what sounded like utter confusion. Beth? What? I immediately opened my eyes; in hindsight, I’d rather have seen the terrifying masked burglars than what actually stood before me. It was Beth, she stood fully dressed in her coat and boots, with one hand clutching a large shoulder bag and the other statuesque on the door of her wardrobe. It looked like she was making a run for it. Scrap that, she was making a run for it. Only, she wasn’t alone. I didn’t have to think twice about recognising his facial features, Tommy’s scruffy blonde hair and masculine nose had been etched into my memory since him and Beth first started dating years ago.
“Beth? What is this? Wh-what are you doing…with Tommy?” I said, unable to admit the obvious conclusion. She was running out on Zacky. This is why she’d being acting strangely – her and Tommy were back on.

She stared back at me for a while.
“I don’t want to insult your intelligence, Roz” she said eventually, looking past me towards the clock on the corridor wall.
“Then don’t” I whispered in almost despair.
“Is this a fucking joke?” Brian snapped, suddenly letting go of my hand to fling his arms in disgust at the situation, “are you seriously doing this to Zacky? Are you seriously fucking bailing on him for this douche bag?!”
“Don’t yell at me Syn, this has fuck all to do with you.”
“The hell it doesn’t!”
“Listen man,” Tommy began, “we’re kinda in a rush here.”
“We can tell!” I said, “Beth, how could you do this? Don’t you remember what he did to you?”
“And how Zacky fucking looked after you after?” Brian added in a bitter tone.
“I can’t deal with this bullshit Roz, just give this to Zacky will you?” she passed Brian an envelope. He looked at it in disgust.
“Fuck no! I’m not doing anything for you. There is no way in hell I’m letting you tell Zack by a fucking letter.”
“It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“Beth…you don’t really want to do this, I know you don’t. it’s just an impulse because you and Zack had a fight, just think about this!” I said.
“Oh give me a break Roz” she almost laughed, “Don’t act like you know things, you don’t know anything. This is an impulse? What exactly do you take me for. I know you don’t want to hear it but Tommy and I have been back in contact for some while now.”
“You can’t be…”
“Why not? Because I didn’t tell you? You don’t have to know everything Roz, the world doesn’t revolve around you.”
“She’s not the one who acts like it does” Brian growled. I could tell he was angry, his brow was knotted and his muscles kept tensing and untensing.
“Take it easy man” Tommy said, as if the pacifist of the situation. Brian looked at him as though he imagined ripping him to shreds.
“Fuck you, you suddenly want her back now huh? It didn’t look like that a few months ago.”
“Why are you doing this Beth?” I said, trying not to sound upset, “I don’t understand!”
“Well you wouldn’t understand Roz. I love Tommy. I’ve always loved him- you know that.”
“I thought you loved Zacky.”
“Don’t be stupid, I’m not like you Rosie, I don’t fall that easy for misogynist Rock stars. You haven’t got a clue what love is, the only reason I was with Zacky was – well you seemed to enjoy it so much, I thought I’d give it ago, see if I could bag myself a rich guitarist, and yeah, I can see why it makes you feel special, having a famous boyfriend. That’s the reason you’re with Syn and you know it, but it’s just so unrealistic.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, or that it was my own sister who said it. I couldn’t believe that she would be so… cheap as to go with Zacky for his fame and that alone, or that she would suggest that I was like that. Like her. A lying coward. I could feel my brain start to twist in frustration: things had been going so well between Beth and I, for the first time in years, we’d been acting like sisters. But she’d lied about how she felt about Zacky, so what was to say that she even felt the sibling connection that I had been feeling all this time?
“I met Brian before I found out who he was, you know that” I said hurt.
“It makes little difference.”
“You’re right, it makes little difference. I’d love him whether he was Synyster Gates or broke and homeless, I couldn’t care less.” Brian seemed pleased with that. A small smirk appeared on his lips before melting back into the seriousness that was the current situation.
Beth nodded, but her face showed that she thought I was being childish, a patronising expression of semi-raised eyebrows and pouted lips. She zipped up her bag symbolically, as if to finalise this decision. Tommy walked past Brian and I as if we didn’t exist and I resisted the urge to trip his sorry ass. Beth went to follow, as if the guy shit gold. I could imagine the conversation that took place when they planned this: Tommy would have called, done with all the whoevers he’d screwed around with in his time being single, said ‘I want you back’, and she would have obeyed, losing the backbone that I used to admire her for.
“You can’t just run away Beth” I said desperately as she walked away. She turned on her heal, her hair cutting through the air as her head span round to meet my gaze.
“No” she said sternly, “Running away is your favourite past time Rosie. In the real world, people just get over it.”
And with that, they left. Her words cut through me. They were way below the belt – I was happy now, and she was criticising me for the time I’d spent hating myself. Me and Brian were left standing a few inches apart, yet I felt miles away from anyone. I felt alone again, like her words had shot me back to a place that was awfully familiar and empty. She made me feel like what Brian and me had wasn’t real – bit it was real, I hated anyone trying to ruin it.

“I’m going to go home now, Roz” Brian said quietly. My eyes shot up from the carpet to meet his gaze.
“No” I whispered, reaching for his hand, “Please don’t”
“I just…I kind of need to just go home and think.” Why did it sound like an ending. It didn’t sound right. I didn’t sound hopeful.
“…About what…?” I prayed that it wouldn’t be about us, that he thought Beth was right, that we didn’t love each other. I couldn’t lose him now too. Wouldn’t he hate me after this? Would he hate me for being related to that bitch that broke his best friend’s heart?
“It’s going to mess Zack up, Roz.” He said quietly, “…I’m going to be the one who has to tell him. I need to go home now…I just need to.”
I nodded, though I wished he’d change his mind. Just stay and think here I thought. Just stay and don’t leave.
But he bent down and kissed me.
And left.
And I resumed watching the shadows in my room. They didn’t seem so peaceful anymore.