Baby I've Got My Eye On You
Thirty One
BRIAN POV
Four days ago, I fucked everything up. I woke up the morning after Jimmy, Matt, Johnny and I had tried to cheer Zacky up with a night on the town and hated my self. The person next laying next to me wasn’t Roz; I didn’t know who the fuck she was…I couldn’t even remember going home let alone going home with a girl! I’d done this more than once before with previous girlfriends and never cared, but they weren’t like Rosie, they bitched and moaned and fought with me until we both ended up hating each other and caused an endless cycle of the both of us sleeping around. Roz was something else altogether and I knew this all along…so how could I be this stupid!?
Once I’d got her out of my house, I rang Zacky in absolute panic, but he was completely useless and evidently still drunk or high, talking utter bullshit about a turtle in his bathroom. Matt was more…helpful I suppose, though the story he told me was not one I would choose to hear a second time…
“Jesus Brian, you and Zack nearly drank the entire joint dry…” Matt said. His choice of words were more than a euphemism, judging by the insane throbbing in my skull.
“Great. Fantastic. Who was this girl?” I probed.
“Well…” he sighed, “Johnny invited her and her friends over to try and cheer Zack up, y’know…get him hooked up.”
“Well I’m not Zack, Matt!”
“Thank you captain obvious. As you could more or less see this morning, it wasn’t him she was interested in!”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do, Matt…”
“Well…in your defence…you did try tell her you had a girlfriend…” he began, “Y’know man, knowing how much Roz loves you, if your just completely honest with her it might not be a big deal…?”
“Of course it will be a big deal!”
“Then don’t tell her: you’re not in the dog house, she’s not crushed. Win win.”
“What!? Of course I have to tell her, I already cheated on her, you expect me to lie to her as well?!”
“Jesus, calm down Syn…”
“Yeah, sorry. I um, I have to go. See you at practise on Saturday..”
Maybe Matt was right, telling her would crush her. Roz was so…well insecure! It wasn’t a nice thing to admit, but hurting her in this way could completely destroy her. Or maybe that’s me being big headed. Or maybe not telling her and her finding out later that I’d lied would hurt her even more. Of course I had to tell her. If she hated me, then I got what I deserved, but she didn’t deserve any of this; I had to find the least hurtful way of telling her…
By the second day, I still hadn’t found a way of doing so. Maybe it was impossible. I sat and stared at the vibrating phone in the palm of my hand, with her name flashing in thick lettering like a knife through my heart, but I couldn’t for the life of me answer her calls. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to say! I could definitely not tell her I’d slept with someone over the phone, and yet the thought of answering and pretending as if everything was alright seemed sick. Her voice on the answer phone brought a lump in my throat.
“Hey Bri, just calling to see if you…and Zacky are um…alright? Give me a call back if you can? Love you.”
Of course she’d be worried if we were okay. She was awesome like that. It was that moment in time that I realised the hypocrisy of the whole situation: I had got completely slaughtered as a way of helping my best friend take his mind off the fact his girlfriend had cheated on him…then done the exact thing we’d sat and bitched about all night to the woman I loved. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I went to band practise on the third day ashamed. Johnny seemed actually disgusted by the fact I hadn’t spoken to Roz since Wednesday night, especially considering what I’d already done to her.
“The longer you wait the worst it will get you know” he piped up. “Roz probably won’t even care that much if you tell her now and just…y’know, explain.” This theory seemed to get a nod from Matt who had said the exact same thing to me over the phone.
“Yeah well you don’t know that for sure” I said defensively.
“Of course I do.”
“And what are you? Johnny-fucking-pedia!?” I yelled as my phone began to ring.
“Fuck Syn, I’m just trying to help” he said, holding his hand innocently in the air, “is that Roz calling? Fucking answer it man! Stop being a dick!”
But yet again, I couldn’t bring myself to do it and instead, turned my phone straight off.
“That’s harsh dude” Jimmy commented as he changed his snare drum.
“Don’t you start too, Jim! I know I’m a fucking bastard. I just have no idea how to break this to -” shit hitting the fan cut me off mid-sentence. Not literal shit…or a fan…but Johnny interrupting the sound of Led Zeppelin’s ’Black Dog’ as it rumbled through his phone.
“Hi Rosie” he said looking straight at me. “I’m not so bad.” His voice was like a sigh: she’ll definitely know something is up by that for fucks sake!
“Yes, Syn’s right here…sure..” he held the phone out in my direction, but I shook my head in horror. He rolled his eyes.
“Uh…he’s actually kinda busy” he said before mouthing the word ‘pussy’ at me. I flicked him off; he was so right. I couldn’t keep avoiding her forever.
I’m guessing the third day gradually made its way into the fourth. I can only guess due to the fact I stayed up all night drinking tequila and feeling sorry for myself. The time went by pretty quick that way, though I think I went through every album I own in that amount of time. I suppose I eventually fell asleep some time around eight in the morning; an aggressive banging sound startled me awake and I instinctively ran for the door.
Shit. She‘s here already. What do I say?
Roz pushed the door open with a force unimaginable for a girl of her size.
“Why are you avoiding me!?” she screamed; time to face the music…
Four days ago, I fucked everything up. I woke up the morning after Jimmy, Matt, Johnny and I had tried to cheer Zacky up with a night on the town and hated my self. The person next laying next to me wasn’t Roz; I didn’t know who the fuck she was…I couldn’t even remember going home let alone going home with a girl! I’d done this more than once before with previous girlfriends and never cared, but they weren’t like Rosie, they bitched and moaned and fought with me until we both ended up hating each other and caused an endless cycle of the both of us sleeping around. Roz was something else altogether and I knew this all along…so how could I be this stupid!?
Once I’d got her out of my house, I rang Zacky in absolute panic, but he was completely useless and evidently still drunk or high, talking utter bullshit about a turtle in his bathroom. Matt was more…helpful I suppose, though the story he told me was not one I would choose to hear a second time…
“Jesus Brian, you and Zack nearly drank the entire joint dry…” Matt said. His choice of words were more than a euphemism, judging by the insane throbbing in my skull.
“Great. Fantastic. Who was this girl?” I probed.
“Well…” he sighed, “Johnny invited her and her friends over to try and cheer Zack up, y’know…get him hooked up.”
“Well I’m not Zack, Matt!”
“Thank you captain obvious. As you could more or less see this morning, it wasn’t him she was interested in!”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do, Matt…”
“Well…in your defence…you did try tell her you had a girlfriend…” he began, “Y’know man, knowing how much Roz loves you, if your just completely honest with her it might not be a big deal…?”
“Of course it will be a big deal!”
“Then don’t tell her: you’re not in the dog house, she’s not crushed. Win win.”
“What!? Of course I have to tell her, I already cheated on her, you expect me to lie to her as well?!”
“Jesus, calm down Syn…”
“Yeah, sorry. I um, I have to go. See you at practise on Saturday..”
Maybe Matt was right, telling her would crush her. Roz was so…well insecure! It wasn’t a nice thing to admit, but hurting her in this way could completely destroy her. Or maybe that’s me being big headed. Or maybe not telling her and her finding out later that I’d lied would hurt her even more. Of course I had to tell her. If she hated me, then I got what I deserved, but she didn’t deserve any of this; I had to find the least hurtful way of telling her…
By the second day, I still hadn’t found a way of doing so. Maybe it was impossible. I sat and stared at the vibrating phone in the palm of my hand, with her name flashing in thick lettering like a knife through my heart, but I couldn’t for the life of me answer her calls. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to say! I could definitely not tell her I’d slept with someone over the phone, and yet the thought of answering and pretending as if everything was alright seemed sick. Her voice on the answer phone brought a lump in my throat.
“Hey Bri, just calling to see if you…and Zacky are um…alright? Give me a call back if you can? Love you.”
Of course she’d be worried if we were okay. She was awesome like that. It was that moment in time that I realised the hypocrisy of the whole situation: I had got completely slaughtered as a way of helping my best friend take his mind off the fact his girlfriend had cheated on him…then done the exact thing we’d sat and bitched about all night to the woman I loved. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I went to band practise on the third day ashamed. Johnny seemed actually disgusted by the fact I hadn’t spoken to Roz since Wednesday night, especially considering what I’d already done to her.
“The longer you wait the worst it will get you know” he piped up. “Roz probably won’t even care that much if you tell her now and just…y’know, explain.” This theory seemed to get a nod from Matt who had said the exact same thing to me over the phone.
“Yeah well you don’t know that for sure” I said defensively.
“Of course I do.”
“And what are you? Johnny-fucking-pedia!?” I yelled as my phone began to ring.
“Fuck Syn, I’m just trying to help” he said, holding his hand innocently in the air, “is that Roz calling? Fucking answer it man! Stop being a dick!”
But yet again, I couldn’t bring myself to do it and instead, turned my phone straight off.
“That’s harsh dude” Jimmy commented as he changed his snare drum.
“Don’t you start too, Jim! I know I’m a fucking bastard. I just have no idea how to break this to -” shit hitting the fan cut me off mid-sentence. Not literal shit…or a fan…but Johnny interrupting the sound of Led Zeppelin’s ’Black Dog’ as it rumbled through his phone.
“Hi Rosie” he said looking straight at me. “I’m not so bad.” His voice was like a sigh: she’ll definitely know something is up by that for fucks sake!
“Yes, Syn’s right here…sure..” he held the phone out in my direction, but I shook my head in horror. He rolled his eyes.
“Uh…he’s actually kinda busy” he said before mouthing the word ‘pussy’ at me. I flicked him off; he was so right. I couldn’t keep avoiding her forever.
I’m guessing the third day gradually made its way into the fourth. I can only guess due to the fact I stayed up all night drinking tequila and feeling sorry for myself. The time went by pretty quick that way, though I think I went through every album I own in that amount of time. I suppose I eventually fell asleep some time around eight in the morning; an aggressive banging sound startled me awake and I instinctively ran for the door.
Shit. She‘s here already. What do I say?
Roz pushed the door open with a force unimaginable for a girl of her size.
“Why are you avoiding me!?” she screamed; time to face the music…