Sinner
Chapter one.
"No, Gaige. A million times NO!" I exclaimed in annoyance. The arrogant, but lovely, and yet jerk, Gaige just wouldn't stop bugging me. Since this morning, he'd been popping up on random, asking me to go out with him, as if I didn't know about their bets. His black hair fell into his mesmerizing turquoise eyes as he propped himself against the locker besides mine. "Why not?" He asked for the millionth time, his smile never leaving his face. I groaned in frustration and slammed my locker shut violently, managing to make my bruised arm hurt like it did yesterday. "Just...fuck off" I muttered in exasperation before rushing to the music hall.
Gaige didn't give up though, he followed me into the music hall and took hold of my hand. "Faye, come on. Just once, alright. Go out with me once and then we'll be on our way." He plead, his turquoise eyes shining with mischief? 'Of course, this is all their idea. Go out with the broken girl, then throw her away like trash. Who cares any way?' Fucking idiots, they'll pay for all the damage they've done, yes they will. I yanked my hand back and shoved it in my pockets, then glared at Gaige. "Look, I don't want to be a part of this stupid game of yours. I will not go out with you, ever, so stop bothering me. Just go." I hissed with as much venom as I could. Thinking I won and that he would leave me alone, I turned on my heel and started walking towards the exit. But, no, he wouldn't take no for an answer. He clutched both my wrists fiercely and turned me back around. My wrists throbbed viciously, the blood threatening to rush out any minute now. I hissed loudly and tried to jerk my wrists away from him, but he didn't let go so easily. Instead he pulled my wrists closer to him, his grasp growing less harsh. A dark bruise started showing as my sleeve inched up slightly. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don't notice it, don't notice it.' His eyes went from my anxious expression to my wrists. 'Fuck, he noticed.'
His expression was masked with horror as he rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie. There on my pallid skin were patches of dark purple, and rosy coloured rings around my wrists. I looked on outside, refraining from looking into his turquoise eyes. If I did, I'd end up crying my eyes out, and probably end up telling him of the unimaginable horrors that went on at home. Something my parents would surely punish me for, and another reason for my father to get smashed. "Who did this to you?" He inquired, his warm hand turning my arm over to inspect the large bruise slightly below my elbow.
'God, please help me. Seal my lips and with them this secret. Make Gaige go away, he can't know, he doesn't care, please.' I repeated silently in my head, wishing that my cry would be answered. Gaige remain still, his eyes were on me as he turned my chin to face him. "Who did this to you?" He reiterated, his -once self-absorbed- eyes growing soft, sympathetic. I jerked my hand back and rolled my sleeve down, covering up the proof of what grotesque people my parents were. "You don't even know me, so why do you care?" I whispered, wishing that one of my friends would come save me. "I may not know you well, but I know when someone is in pain. This is-" "Look, Gaige, don't worry about it. Just go with your little clique and wallow in your arrogance." I interjected warily, standing abruptly and throwing my backpack over my shoulder. I winced at the pain of the backpack hitting my bruised back, but recovered quickly and stormed out of the music hall. 'Stupid Gaige and his fake sympathy.'
A hand landed on my shoulder roughly as I walked out of the building, I recoiled and took a deep breath to drown out the throbbing pain. "Hey, Faye. What'cha doin'?" Came the voice of Alex, one of my best friends. "Oh, sorry." He apologized seeing the look on my face. "I forgot for a second there." I looked at him and sighed, "Yeah, wish I could forget." He shifted from one foot to the other, then he took my hand gently. "Faye, you can't keep letting them do this. You have to tell-" "No, Alex. I don't have to tell, I can't tell. You know what they'll do. Just forget it, 'kay?" I plead, rubbing at my temples. As much as I knew my friends wanted to comprehend, they didn't. It was all much too far from anybody's comprehension. How would they be able to comprehend it all when their parents were nothing like mine? When instead, they were loving, understanding, good parents.
Alex's caramel eyes shone with concern, he nodded reluctantly and gave my hand a squeeze. "Fine, but you have to try to get out of that hell hole. My parents love you, they'd like it if you stayed with us, it'd be better, safer." He offered, taking back his hand to move his blonde fringe from his eyes. "I appreciate that greatly, but I can't. My parents are horrendous, but I know that maybe, just maybe, deep down they do care about me. Thank you anyway, Alex." I responded with a tiny smile. He shrugged in
defeat and scanned my covered up arms. "They did it again, huh?" He questioned sadly. I remain silent, knowing he'd find the bruises and cuts without effort. 'Might as well just show him,' I thought. Alex gasped when I rolled my sleeves up and put my contusions on display for him. 'Much worse than before,' I thought.
He traced the dark purple patches of skin, and a warm tear landed on my wrist, on the small tattoo. As it seeped into the mild cut two tears trickled down my face, 'It doesn't have to be this way, my parents used to be so different,' echoed in my head. He looked into my eyes, his lovely, caramel coloured eyes glistening with tears. "Faye, if you let this go on much longer who knows what'll happen. They'll end up killing you. I don't want to lose my best friend, that would kill me." He whispered painfully, another tear rolling down his smooth cheek. This caused me a greater pain, seeing my friends in pain, that I couldn't take. Taking abuse and insults from my parents was easier, painful, yes, but manageable. "In time this will end, don't worry about losing me, I still have some fight left in me. I'll manage, plus, I don't intend on leaving yet, not even close. Promise." I stated as I wiped his tears away. His eyes were filled with doubt at first, but then they softened and regained their light. "Alright, but, come over to my house for a few minutes 'kay?" He questioned as he helped roll down my sleeves. I smiled at him in response, then we started walking towards his house.
*****
Alex's parents weren't home when we arrived, instead there was a note waiting for us on the fridge. "Went out to get groceries, be back in a few. Love, mom and dad." Alex said as he read the blue post-it. "Oh well, let's go hang out in my room." He took my hand and led me to a room that was all too familiar to me. The teal walls were covered with band posters; The Pixies, Greeley Estates, Black Flag, and more. I unzipped my hoodie and placed it upon the rolling chair in the corner, then proceeded to place my backpack on it as well. "I wish I could stay, y'know, never go home. But it's impossible, they'd find me right away, then they'd make the punishment worse." I sighed, trying to imagine a life without these bruises, the bloodshed, all of it. Alex's hand slipped to my waist as he kissed the top of my head, "Sometimes you don't always get what you want in life, that angers people, makes them do things they would never do in a normal state. Maybe that's what's happening to your pa...them. "Alex murmured against my neck, "Regardless, that doesn't justify their actions, they shouldn't take it out on you. They'll learn one day, but you have to be careful, don't give up easily." I traced the small tattoo on my wrist, faith, something that I've held on to for so long, wishing that one day it would get me somewhere. The ache in my wrists was subsiding now, yesterday was different.
My mother's face was still etched in my mind, the hatred in her eyes, the disappointment. She'd tied my wrists together securely with a black rope, saying that sinners had to be punished, that I had to remain in God's path. Then she placed the small noose on the high coat rack to make sure I wouldn't untie the rope. Sometimes I'd be absent because she'd leave me there, the crimson blood flowing down my arms, the rope making the wound deeper as I tried to free myself. Somedays the pain was unbearable so I'd miss school to take care of my wounds, to rest, and regain my strength. That's how she always justified her actions, saying that He did not like girls who sinned so frequently, that my behavior was erratic. Stupid. How would she know if she spends all her time punishing me for things I never really do? If she never takes time to listen to my reasoning. If He really does exist why hasn't he helped me yet? It's just so frustrating, I want to believe, but then something comes up that makes me doubt it all. Nevertheless, I have faith that one day something will stop this all.
Alex's voice rung through my ears as he caressed my cheek, "How bad is it this time?" He queried. I stepped back and grabbed the hem of my shirt, I took a deep breath and started lifting the shirt slowly. Tossing the shirt aside, I stared at the floor, letting my wounds speak for themselves. I heard Alex swallow hard, then he ran his hands softly down my back. "They overdid it this time." He snarled, "When I see them I'm going to-" I put my hand up and shook my head. "Don't. They're not worth it, just help me forget for a little bit." I said as I faced him. He smiled sadly and stepped forward, his arms snaked around my waist delicately. "Y'know, I really don't want to lose you. Ever." He mumbled against my lips, " I'll do my best to protect you." I smiled at him warmly before pulling him closer to me. Kissing him passionately, using all I had left in me to forget what happened to me at home. This helped to some extent-it was normal, to us anyway, after all, we'd been this way for at least five months
He placed me on his bed gingerly, then he hovered over me, his eyes never leaving mine. "Broken girls deserve happiness and love. I promise you that I'll try my best to give that to you, Faye." He said with determination, his soft voice sounding more beautiful than ever. His lips captured mine instantaneously, slowly mending my wounds, and my memories.
Gaige didn't give up though, he followed me into the music hall and took hold of my hand. "Faye, come on. Just once, alright. Go out with me once and then we'll be on our way." He plead, his turquoise eyes shining with mischief? 'Of course, this is all their idea. Go out with the broken girl, then throw her away like trash. Who cares any way?' Fucking idiots, they'll pay for all the damage they've done, yes they will. I yanked my hand back and shoved it in my pockets, then glared at Gaige. "Look, I don't want to be a part of this stupid game of yours. I will not go out with you, ever, so stop bothering me. Just go." I hissed with as much venom as I could. Thinking I won and that he would leave me alone, I turned on my heel and started walking towards the exit. But, no, he wouldn't take no for an answer. He clutched both my wrists fiercely and turned me back around. My wrists throbbed viciously, the blood threatening to rush out any minute now. I hissed loudly and tried to jerk my wrists away from him, but he didn't let go so easily. Instead he pulled my wrists closer to him, his grasp growing less harsh. A dark bruise started showing as my sleeve inched up slightly. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don't notice it, don't notice it.' His eyes went from my anxious expression to my wrists. 'Fuck, he noticed.'
His expression was masked with horror as he rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie. There on my pallid skin were patches of dark purple, and rosy coloured rings around my wrists. I looked on outside, refraining from looking into his turquoise eyes. If I did, I'd end up crying my eyes out, and probably end up telling him of the unimaginable horrors that went on at home. Something my parents would surely punish me for, and another reason for my father to get smashed. "Who did this to you?" He inquired, his warm hand turning my arm over to inspect the large bruise slightly below my elbow.
'God, please help me. Seal my lips and with them this secret. Make Gaige go away, he can't know, he doesn't care, please.' I repeated silently in my head, wishing that my cry would be answered. Gaige remain still, his eyes were on me as he turned my chin to face him. "Who did this to you?" He reiterated, his -once self-absorbed- eyes growing soft, sympathetic. I jerked my hand back and rolled my sleeve down, covering up the proof of what grotesque people my parents were. "You don't even know me, so why do you care?" I whispered, wishing that one of my friends would come save me. "I may not know you well, but I know when someone is in pain. This is-" "Look, Gaige, don't worry about it. Just go with your little clique and wallow in your arrogance." I interjected warily, standing abruptly and throwing my backpack over my shoulder. I winced at the pain of the backpack hitting my bruised back, but recovered quickly and stormed out of the music hall. 'Stupid Gaige and his fake sympathy.'
A hand landed on my shoulder roughly as I walked out of the building, I recoiled and took a deep breath to drown out the throbbing pain. "Hey, Faye. What'cha doin'?" Came the voice of Alex, one of my best friends. "Oh, sorry." He apologized seeing the look on my face. "I forgot for a second there." I looked at him and sighed, "Yeah, wish I could forget." He shifted from one foot to the other, then he took my hand gently. "Faye, you can't keep letting them do this. You have to tell-" "No, Alex. I don't have to tell, I can't tell. You know what they'll do. Just forget it, 'kay?" I plead, rubbing at my temples. As much as I knew my friends wanted to comprehend, they didn't. It was all much too far from anybody's comprehension. How would they be able to comprehend it all when their parents were nothing like mine? When instead, they were loving, understanding, good parents.
Alex's caramel eyes shone with concern, he nodded reluctantly and gave my hand a squeeze. "Fine, but you have to try to get out of that hell hole. My parents love you, they'd like it if you stayed with us, it'd be better, safer." He offered, taking back his hand to move his blonde fringe from his eyes. "I appreciate that greatly, but I can't. My parents are horrendous, but I know that maybe, just maybe, deep down they do care about me. Thank you anyway, Alex." I responded with a tiny smile. He shrugged in
defeat and scanned my covered up arms. "They did it again, huh?" He questioned sadly. I remain silent, knowing he'd find the bruises and cuts without effort. 'Might as well just show him,' I thought. Alex gasped when I rolled my sleeves up and put my contusions on display for him. 'Much worse than before,' I thought.
He traced the dark purple patches of skin, and a warm tear landed on my wrist, on the small tattoo. As it seeped into the mild cut two tears trickled down my face, 'It doesn't have to be this way, my parents used to be so different,' echoed in my head. He looked into my eyes, his lovely, caramel coloured eyes glistening with tears. "Faye, if you let this go on much longer who knows what'll happen. They'll end up killing you. I don't want to lose my best friend, that would kill me." He whispered painfully, another tear rolling down his smooth cheek. This caused me a greater pain, seeing my friends in pain, that I couldn't take. Taking abuse and insults from my parents was easier, painful, yes, but manageable. "In time this will end, don't worry about losing me, I still have some fight left in me. I'll manage, plus, I don't intend on leaving yet, not even close. Promise." I stated as I wiped his tears away. His eyes were filled with doubt at first, but then they softened and regained their light. "Alright, but, come over to my house for a few minutes 'kay?" He questioned as he helped roll down my sleeves. I smiled at him in response, then we started walking towards his house.
*****
Alex's parents weren't home when we arrived, instead there was a note waiting for us on the fridge. "Went out to get groceries, be back in a few. Love, mom and dad." Alex said as he read the blue post-it. "Oh well, let's go hang out in my room." He took my hand and led me to a room that was all too familiar to me. The teal walls were covered with band posters; The Pixies, Greeley Estates, Black Flag, and more. I unzipped my hoodie and placed it upon the rolling chair in the corner, then proceeded to place my backpack on it as well. "I wish I could stay, y'know, never go home. But it's impossible, they'd find me right away, then they'd make the punishment worse." I sighed, trying to imagine a life without these bruises, the bloodshed, all of it. Alex's hand slipped to my waist as he kissed the top of my head, "Sometimes you don't always get what you want in life, that angers people, makes them do things they would never do in a normal state. Maybe that's what's happening to your pa...them. "Alex murmured against my neck, "Regardless, that doesn't justify their actions, they shouldn't take it out on you. They'll learn one day, but you have to be careful, don't give up easily." I traced the small tattoo on my wrist, faith, something that I've held on to for so long, wishing that one day it would get me somewhere. The ache in my wrists was subsiding now, yesterday was different.
My mother's face was still etched in my mind, the hatred in her eyes, the disappointment. She'd tied my wrists together securely with a black rope, saying that sinners had to be punished, that I had to remain in God's path. Then she placed the small noose on the high coat rack to make sure I wouldn't untie the rope. Sometimes I'd be absent because she'd leave me there, the crimson blood flowing down my arms, the rope making the wound deeper as I tried to free myself. Somedays the pain was unbearable so I'd miss school to take care of my wounds, to rest, and regain my strength. That's how she always justified her actions, saying that He did not like girls who sinned so frequently, that my behavior was erratic. Stupid. How would she know if she spends all her time punishing me for things I never really do? If she never takes time to listen to my reasoning. If He really does exist why hasn't he helped me yet? It's just so frustrating, I want to believe, but then something comes up that makes me doubt it all. Nevertheless, I have faith that one day something will stop this all.
Alex's voice rung through my ears as he caressed my cheek, "How bad is it this time?" He queried. I stepped back and grabbed the hem of my shirt, I took a deep breath and started lifting the shirt slowly. Tossing the shirt aside, I stared at the floor, letting my wounds speak for themselves. I heard Alex swallow hard, then he ran his hands softly down my back. "They overdid it this time." He snarled, "When I see them I'm going to-" I put my hand up and shook my head. "Don't. They're not worth it, just help me forget for a little bit." I said as I faced him. He smiled sadly and stepped forward, his arms snaked around my waist delicately. "Y'know, I really don't want to lose you. Ever." He mumbled against my lips, " I'll do my best to protect you." I smiled at him warmly before pulling him closer to me. Kissing him passionately, using all I had left in me to forget what happened to me at home. This helped to some extent-it was normal, to us anyway, after all, we'd been this way for at least five months
He placed me on his bed gingerly, then he hovered over me, his eyes never leaving mine. "Broken girls deserve happiness and love. I promise you that I'll try my best to give that to you, Faye." He said with determination, his soft voice sounding more beautiful than ever. His lips captured mine instantaneously, slowly mending my wounds, and my memories.