Sinner

I stretched groggily and looked at the clock on the small stand besides the bed, 5:48pm. 'Crap. They'll be home at 6pm. I have to get home now.' Alex lay next to me, his eyes closed peacefully, his breath steady and relaxing. I ran my fingers across his face gently, then placed a small kiss on his cheek. "Bye, Alex." I whispered as quietly as I could.
'My parents are going to kill me if I arrive after them, they'll know I was out, then they'll take the chance to punish me.' My cuts were still fresh, so if my mother decides to use the ropes as punishment the cuts will get deeper, they'll bleed more. I can't let that happen again. I grabbed my hoodie quickly and slipped it on, then I got my backpack and ran out the door, saying goodbye to Alex's parents hastily.

All the way home I begged that my parents wouldn't be home yet, and that they'd still be at work. To my disappointment they were home, well my mom was. Her face contorted into a mask of rage as I walked by her, the newspaper she held in her hand dropped abruptly. 'Please, don't do anything. Please, not today.' "Faye, come here." She said firmly, her hands resting on her thighs. Fear washed over me, as did the terrible events that took place yesterday; the beating, the insults, the blood. "Mom, I'm sorry. I-" She stood and walked over to me swiftly, her gaze grew angrier, much more dangerous. Her hand lashed out and caught hold of my left wrist, an involuntary whimper made its way past my lips. "No excuses! You were out with that boy weren't you?!" She yelled furiously, "Riveting in the waves of temptation, unholiness. Sin!" I shook my head viciously, "No, Alex is just my friend! We do nothing of what you insinuate-" She landed a blow to my face, the heat in my left cheek rising, stinging. Another blow. Followed by another one, then another landed on my face, the last one causing great pain on my lip, followed by a small trickle of blood. "Mom! Stop it!" I choked out, "Just stop, please." Her hand froze in the air, she let out a sigh and walked over to the couch. "You're not my little Faye anymore." She mumbled into her hands quietly.

A tear crashed onto the brown carpet, I gazed at her sadly before walking into my room and locking myself there. "You're not my 'mommy' anymore" I whispered, closing my eyes and picturing my mom from before. How she'd hug me whenever I got home from school, how she would sing me to sleep. She always made me feel safe, her and my father, and now they were the thing I feared the most. How ironic is that? Protecting your child from dangers in the world, only to be a danger to them yourself? I miss them both, the old them of course.

I walked into my bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit from the bottom cabinet. Slowly and carefully, I shrugged my hoodie off, the cuts on my wrists were a dark pink once more. Blood trickled onto the white linoleum floor, slowly seeping into the cracks. A solitary tear ran down my cheek, mingling with the crimson blood on the floor. I bit my lip to keep from crying out as I dabbed at my wrist with a Bactine soaked cotton ball. 'The cuts don't hurt as much as before... What hurts me the most is that it doesn't really matter to them anymore, that they keep abusing me and using religion as an excuse.' I voiced in my head solemnly.

The once white cotton ball, was now a mix between crimson and pink, I tossed it into the garbage bin and sat on the floor. I've read online about teens being abused around the world, more and more with each passing day. At the bottom of the website I'd visited was a paragraph in bold, red letters. If you or someone you know is the victim of abuse, be it of parents, another family member, or a boyfriend. Please let someone know, don't just keep it to yourself. More than 2,000 teens/adults/children are pronounced dead each year because of abuse, which they said nothing of. Our hotline is open 24/7, don't hesitate to call for help. You can remain anonymous if you wish. Make a stand, take back your life. (1800) 938-HELP I'd tried calling, someone answered and I hung up. Stupid, of me to do, but I couldn't rat out my parents. They'd end up getting sent away, and I'd most likely end up in a foster home. It sounded good, but what about when they got out? What if I was placed back under their care? It'd be worse for me, they'd beat me much. Some people think it's easy, 'call for help, report them, be happy.' Wrong! Things don't work out that way. Their would be a court case, I'd have to talk to somebody from Child Protective Services or something of the sort, then they'd send me to see a therapist so I could talk about my problems and get help. Too complicated.

A loud knock on my door broke through my thoughts, I propped myself up and wiped the blood off the floor with a wet towelette. "Be right there!" I exclaimed as I ran my hands through water running faucet. "Faye, dinner is ready!" Shouted my mother, her voice sounding collected and calm. I splashed cold water on my face and dried off on a towel, my make up wiping onto the dark towel as I did so. "Shit," I mumbled, throwing the towel into the clothes hamper.

****
The dining room was silent, the only sound that could be heard was the scraping of the silverware on the porcelain dishes. Both, my father and mother, ate silently, their faces expressionless. I stared at my plate of pasta, chewing on my bottom lip, as I pondered on what to say to break this nerve-wrecking silence. My father cleared his throat, "Faye, how was school?" He questioned, his voice sounding rather calm, yet strained. My head shot up quickly, I fidgeted with my hands under the table. "It was fine, father." I responded quietly, avoiding his gaze. My gaze drifted back to my full plate, 'Say something, stupid!' I shouted in my head.

My parents started a conversation about their day at work and so on, all I could hear was their muffled voices. My voice opened and closed slightly, "I'm sorry." I murmured, my head still down."What was that, Faye?" Came my mother's voice. My head lifted forcefully, my grey eyes locked with my mother's baby blue eyes. I took a silent deep breath and repeated myself, "I'm sorry, mother." A tiny smile appeared on her lips, my father said nothing. "That means a lot, dear. Thank you." She stated with content. I cursed myself in my head, why was I apologizing? They're the ones who should apologize for everything they've done, not me. 'What the fuck, Faye?! ' I shook my head to shut the shouting off, I jumped in surprise when I felt a pair of arms around me. My mother stepped back with a smile on her face, but somehow it seemed so fake. Her hug felt rather hesitant and cold, not honest. I noticed my father also had a smile on his, just as fake as my mother's. Both sent shivers up my spine, it's just creepier than usual. I mean, I prefer the monstrous them to the fake them, and that is truly fucked up. "May I be excused?" I questioned in a quiet voice. Both my parents nodded before returning to their previous conversation.

I shuffled into my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I changed into my flannel pajamas and slipped into bed with a sigh. Something was definitely weird with my parents just now, but I really can't figure out what. I'm too tired to try to think of the reason as to why they acted so...nice, but at least I'll be okay knowing that they won't hurt me today. I can't really say the same about tomorrow, but hopefully something will help me be safe another day.