Tony Had an Accident
Monologue with a Friend
"You wanna know what happened?"
"Well yeah I wanna know. I wanna know what happened, so I know exactly why I'm punchin' ya brains out for reckin' my car!"
"Well, I was in your car ya see, and I was drivin'. Everything was goin' smooth when I - I noticed my hair was ou'da' place. Sos nat'rally I grab my comb and some grease and fix it sos it's all nice and neat, right. Then this loony head in fron'a me stops and I wasn' fast enough so I hit 'em."
"Wait, wait, wait. Wha'd ya mean the guy in fron'a ya stopped? Why'd he stop, you don't just stop."
"There was this red light, and-"
"You're suppos' to stop at those you idiot!"
"I know, but I was in a hurry, ya see there was this girl I had'a meet for like a date sord'a and I was late, so I was doin' my usual thing. But that guy, that driver... if he hadn' stopped then I would'a made it. And I knows what'cha gonna say, 'It's always about the dames Tony,' but I can't help that all the chicks dig me. What with my perfect hair and good looks...."
"You's an idiot Tony."
"Well yeah I wanna know. I wanna know what happened, so I know exactly why I'm punchin' ya brains out for reckin' my car!"
"Well, I was in your car ya see, and I was drivin'. Everything was goin' smooth when I - I noticed my hair was ou'da' place. Sos nat'rally I grab my comb and some grease and fix it sos it's all nice and neat, right. Then this loony head in fron'a me stops and I wasn' fast enough so I hit 'em."
"Wait, wait, wait. Wha'd ya mean the guy in fron'a ya stopped? Why'd he stop, you don't just stop."
"There was this red light, and-"
"You're suppos' to stop at those you idiot!"
"I know, but I was in a hurry, ya see there was this girl I had'a meet for like a date sord'a and I was late, so I was doin' my usual thing. But that guy, that driver... if he hadn' stopped then I would'a made it. And I knows what'cha gonna say, 'It's always about the dames Tony,' but I can't help that all the chicks dig me. What with my perfect hair and good looks...."
"You's an idiot Tony."
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Yeah, so it's not really a monologue but it's damn close.