Just to Hold You Close and Tight

Chelsea and Gabby told me all about their first week of school over speaker phone, and I listened and commented, trying to delay their questions about me. After a while, though, gabby noticed I was subtly deflecting their questions.

“What’s up, Amber?” she asked. “We haven’t heard a thing about you. How are your parents?”

“They’re great,” I replied eagerly. This was an easy question. “My mom loves her new job, and my dad got a promotion after transferring. They even went out with a few friends Friday night.” I bit my lip. Obviously, mentioning friends had been a bad move.

“Speaking of friends…” Chelsea started.

“What’s the deal with this Ray guy?” Gabby finished for her. I wondered if they had been plotting to team up on me.

“I’m not really sure,” I answered honestly after a short pause.

“What do you mean?” Gabby said, prodding me. “Do you like him?”

I sighed. “I think so. It’s a little… complicated. Anyways, he’s my only friend here, so-”

Chelsea cut me off this time. “So he’s a friend? Not a boyfriend?”

“As I was about to say,” I continued, gritting my teeth, “he’s my only friend here, so I’m not sure if I want to ruin it with my feelings.” This was part lie. The truth was:
1. He was a ghost, so I knew that kind of a relationship would be far past difficult.
2. It was hard to tell how he felt towards me, except for the few times he opened up, like the night before.
3. I still wasn’t liking the idea that fate was choosing for me.

I was snapped out of my mental list by Gabby saying, “Amber? Amber! Are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” I replied, wishing I could say no and hang up.

“We asked if you went anywhere with him,” Chelsea said.

“Like on a date,” Gabby added.

I had to think for a second. “Um… we went on a walk the other night.” No way was I telling them we fed deer, and I was definitely keeping it to myself that I snuck out and spent the night looking at the stars with him.

“Do you have anything planned?” Chelsea asked curiously.

I looked at the clock. It was twelve thirty. This was my escape! “Yes, actually,” I replied. “We’re going to see a movie in half an hour! I should be going now…”

“Sounds like a date!” Chelsea exclaimed.

I sighed again, muttering, “I’m never really sure with him.”

“What was that?” Gabby asked.

“Oh nothing. Just talking to myself. I guess it’s sort of a date, maybe. Kind of. Anyways, I have to go get ready, you know,” I lied. Ha. I was ready an hour ago, but they didn’t know that.

“Alright,” Chelsea said reluctantly. “Bye Amber! We love you!”

“Yeah, we do!” Gabby added.

“Bye guys! I love you too!” I said before hanging up. I took a deep breath, full of relief. That hadn’t been so bad, although I had had to come to terms with some of the feelings I hadn’t wanted to. Like the doubt I had that Ray liked me as more than a friend, despite his display of moderate affection the night before. It had seemed like he wished he wasn’t made of nothing as much as I wished the same thing.

To keep myself from thinking, I spent the remainder of my ‘alone time’ listening to music. I let the lyrics and the music drown out all of my thoughts. Even closing my eyes to concentrate, I let the music take me to a peaceful, simple place.