Just to Hold You Close and Tight

Ray didn’t have as much trouble in the car as he had on the way there. Instead of closing his eyes, he looked at me. When I asked him why, he simply stated it was better than closing his eyes.

This shut me up, and I tried not to smile. When I got home, my mom was waiting, though.

“Where have you been, Amber?” she asked, a little suspicious.

“I went to see a movie,” I retorted, angry at the accusation in her voice.

“Alone?” My mom raised her eyebrows.

“Obviously. As if I would have someone to go with,” I said acidly. Trying not to smile, I added, “Do you see anyone else?”

Ray laughed, saying, “I’ll meet you upstairs.”

I rolled my eyes at my mom and followed him up the steps. Once I got in my room and closed the door, I broke into quiet laughter. Ray had been frowning, but seeing me try so hard not to laugh made him crack a smile.

Once I had myself under control, I said quietly, “I’m sneaking out again tonight. Last night was so much fun.” I threw myself onto my bed.

Sitting in my chair and looking at me oddly, he said, “You can’t come every night. It would exhaust you.”

Irrational pain shot through me. Part of my knew that he said this because he cared, but… “You don’t… want me to?” I said, the words coming out in a cracked whisper.

His expression softened immediately. “Of course I do!” he assured me. “I want to be with you more than you know. However, I will not be the cause of your lack of sleep.”

This soothed me a little. I said, “I can sleep in again tomorrow.”

“That’s true,” Ray said, and I knew he was giving in. At least a little bit.

Taking advantage of this, I added, “And on nights when I can’t sneak out, you have to stay. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and you just said you didn’t want to cause that.”

Ray laughed. “You are very good at manipulating me, do you know that?”

I smiled, replying, “I’m not manipulating you. I’m simply telling you the truth and using your own words against you.”

He grimaced. After thinking for a while, he said, “Fine. You win.” He didn’t say it grudgingly. He almost sounded happy that I had won.

“Amber!” my mom called from down the stairs. “Dinner’s ready!”

“I’ll be back tonight,” Ray said as I jumped off my bed. “At eleven.”

“Can’t you stay?” I asked.

Ray shook his head. “I have something I need to do.” Without another word, he disappeared through my wall.

All through dinner, I wondered absentmindedly what he had to do. I was so out of it, my parents could tell. I knew that they noticed I had been acting strange, but I couldn’t concentrate on acting normal. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but Ray.

After dinner, I realized I had hours until Ray came back. I decided I wouldn’t put my friends through the torture of waiting to see how my ‘date’ had gone any longer.

This time I called Chelsea’s phone, but they were still together. They answered it on the first ring, bombarding me with questions. I informed them that I had fun, and told them I thought Ray liked me too. At last, they had to go eat dinner. I promised I would call them soon, and hung up.

I set down my phone and looked at the clock. It was only eight, but I was exhausted. I decided to get a few hours of sleep. Ray will wake me up, I thought, but then I contradicted myself. Realizing that he probably wouldn’t, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

You better wake me up, I wrote frantically, or I will be VERY angry.

I changed into sweats. After turning off my lights, I set the note next to my pillow and crawled under my blankets. Although I was very comfortable, I tossed and turned. After probably about an hour, I slowly felt myself drifting to sleep.