Just to Hold You Close and Tight

When I woke up, Ray’s arm was still wrapped around me. I smiled and moved closer to him.

“Are you awake? Don’t talk too loud,” he said softly.

“I’m awake,” I whispered. “Why do I have to be quiet?”

“It’s the middle of the night,” he informed me. “Your mom is sleeping on the couch right over there.” He lifted the arm that was around my waist and pointed into the darkness in front of me.

“Oh,” I said, looking at his lifted arm longingly.

He way my look and said, “Wow. Needy much?”

This made me blush, but I changed the subject. “How long until morning? And what say is it, anyway?”

“It’s Tuesday morning. Your mom will probably wake up in a hour or so, and your dad is already at work,” he replied.

“Great,” I said, groaning quietly. “I have to wait an hour for food?”

“Sorry,” he said apologetically, squeezing me gently. “You know I would get you something if a floating tray of food didn’t stand out so much.”

I stifled laughter because I knew it would hurt, and it would also probably wake up my mom. “I know you would,” I said. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t tried.”

He rolled his eyes.

“So what am I supposed to do for an hour?” I murmured.

Ray shrugged. After a few seconds, he grinned. “Talk to me, of course. What else?”

I stuck my tongue out at him. When he laughed, his laughter rumble through me.

“Do you want me to ask you stupid questions to pass the time?” he asked cheerfully.

“Sure.”

“Alright,” he began, “let’s see. Oh. The most obvious question, but I still don’t know the answer. What’s your favorite color?”

“Red, obviously,” I whispered, flipping my hair. It was so knotted; I made a mental note to ask my mom for a brush.

“I should have guessed,” he said.

“Yes. You should have. Next question,” I whispered quickly.

“Okay. Um… What’s your biggest fear?” he asked.

I thought for a second. “Hm. Probably airplanes and earthquakes.”

He laughed, and it went through me again. I tried not to smile. He said, “That’s pretty funny. One’s in the sky, and one’s on the ground.”

I shrugged.

“Okay. Favorite animal?”

“Dog,” I replied automatically. Then I added, “Well, I do like lions too.”

He continued to ask me pointless question – or at least I thought they were pointless. He seemed genuinely interested. After a while, my mom started to stir. I had to be quiet, and Ray had to get up. He kept one hand on mine.

My mom sat up, blinked, and looked at me. “Oh, good morning honey. How long have you been awake?”

“Not long,” I lied easily.

She smiled. “Is there anything you need?”

I looked at her modestly. I hated asking her for things, especially after she just woke up. “I’m a little hungry, and do you have a hair brush and a mirror?”

She sprung to her feet. Rolling her eyes, she said, “Honestly, Amber, you don’t have to worry about your appearance.”

Ray laughed, and I shot him a short glare. “Actually, it’s really just uncomfortable to have my hair like this,” I said angrily.

My mom looked offended, and I felt bad. Most of my hostility in my response had been meant for Ray. She pulled a mirror and a brush from her purse and handed them to me.

“Thanks,” I said meekly. She left to get me food.

When I opened up the little mirror, I almost gasped at my appearance. My hair was worse than I thought, but my face was the worst. My right cheek was bruised so badly it was black all over. “No wonder you don’t want to look at me,” I said.

Ray’s mouth fell open in momentary shock. He recovered quickly, saying, “Oh, no, it’s not like that at all! You’re…” he paused before saying, “You’re still beautiful. It’s knowing that if I were alive I could have prevented it, knowing that it’s my fault, that hurts me.”

I smiled slightly. He had just called me beautiful, even in my horrible state. “I…” I didn’t know what to say, so I stopped.

Ray sat next to me as I ran the brush through my hair, waiting for my mom to return. I worked in sections because of how knotted it was.

“You are beautiful,” Ray whispered. “Haven’t I ever told you that?”

I shook my head, trying not to smile in delight.