Just to Hold You Close and Tight

I was standing in between my car and Ben’s car in the school parking lot. Ray stood next to me, and Ben was facing us.

“So where are we going?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Where do you guys want to go?” Ben said.

Ray turned to me for an answer. “I don’t know the area real well,” I admitted. “I just moved here. Is there like an Olive Garden or something?”

“Yeah,” Ray said. “It’s only like thirty minutes away.”

“We could go there. Do you want to ride in my car?” Ben offered. Wow. I had to admit, he wasn’t being a jerk at all.

This made me feel guilty when I snapped, “No, I’ll drive myself.” After realizing how nasty I sounded, I said, “Well, I would, but I don’t want to drive home to drop off my car.”

Ben shrugged. “That’s okay.” He turned to Ray. “Who are you riding with?”

Ray glanced at Ben and then at me. “I’m sorry Ben, but I have to go with Amber. She makes me feel comfortable in the car… You know. After the accident, I’ve been terrified of driving, even though it’s completely irrational. Plus, Amber needs someone tell her how to get there.”

Ben shrugged again, saying, “It’s okay. I guess I’ll meet you guys there. He turned and got into his car.

“See you,” I said just before he closed his door. Ray and I go into my car.

Ray told me which direction to go and I pulled out of the parking lot. After turning on some music, I said to him, “You could have gone with Ben.”

He shook his head. He was staring at me, as he always did when he was in the car with me. “Probably. But first of all, that would be leaving you alone, and I don’t want to do that. Second of all, I have you to distract me from the fact that I’m in a car.”

“That’s perfectly fine with me,” I declared, smiling. We didn’t talk much for the rest of the drive, except for when I asked, “Is being afraid of being in a car just an excuse to stare at me for half an hour?” His eyes had never left me, not that I minded.

He laughed. “No, I really am uncomfortable. If I wasn’t, though, I’d probably make up some other excuse.”

“Ha, ha,” I said sarcastically, grimacing.

When we finally got to the place, Ben was waiting. He waved to us, smiling. We both waved back as we got out of the car.

Ben was very polite. It was hard to believe he was the same person as the night before. I actually had a good time.

We sat in a booth, so there was enough room for Ray to sit next to me while Ben sat across from us. Of course, Ben and I had to be careful when talking directly to Ray. No matter how hard we tried, our conversations would have sounded very awkward to anyone who couldn’t hear Ray. There would have been pieces missing, long pauses, and breakouts of laughter from Ben and me for no apparent reason.

When we got the check, Ben courteously offered to pay for my dinner. I thanked him, but refused. It wouldn’t have felt right, and I think he understood.

I found that I actually liked Ben. Not nearly as much as I liked Ray, but he wasn’t that bad. I wondered how he and Ray had managed to be friends, though. They were completely different. Where Ray was thoughtful, protective, and serious, Ben was carefree, outgoing, and had a freer sense of humor.

As we were driving home, I wondered what the weekend would hold. Ben and I had exchanged phone numbers; he had wanted to do something with Ray and me. I wondered if he counted us as a package and knew he had to invite me, or if he actually wanted me to come too.

I hoped that maybe, just maybe, I had gained a new friend.