Just to Hold You Close and Tight

After a few minutes of me sitting next to Ray while he was sleeping, Ben’s mom came in. I was a little embarrassed. Would she think it was creepy that I had stayed?

No. She just smiled at me and said appreciatively, “You got him to sleep.”

She was looking at his face, so I was able to slip my hand out from under his without her noticing. “He looked very tired,” I replied.

“So do you,” she observed.

I shrugged. “I didn’t get much sleep last night. I should probably get going.”

The desperate look on her face confused me. “You don’t have to go,” she said quickly. “You can stay.”

I hesitated. “If that’s alright with you.”

“It is,” she said firmly.

A minute of silence passed before I said, “Um… why do you want me to stay so badly all of a sudden?”

She sighed. “He likes you more than I thought. He refused to sleep until you came. What if he wakes up again? He’ll want to see you. And you’re not that bad after all.”

I realized this was probably the best compliment I was going to get, so I took it gracefully. Smiling, I replied, “Thanks.”

Then our conversation came to a halt. We both ended up looking at… Well I was looking at Ray and she was looking at Ben. He looked so peaceful, even connected to all of the machines. His face was undisturbed by pain.

Ben’s mom tried to make conversation. “I was so worried last night. I really thought I was going to lose him.” She had her head in her hands.

I was filled with pity. She had truly lost her son, but she couldn’t see it. It made me feel guilty, like I was lying to her. When she continued, it surprised me even more.

“It was like I was reliving the night when Ben’s friend died,” she said. “It was last May, not that long ago. Ray’s mom called… he had been in an accident.”

I winced. I was glad she still had her face in her hands, so she didn’t notice.

“Ray was like a second son to me. It was horrible when he died. And then his poor parents,” she said miserably.

Now I felt the need to comfort her. I moved my chair next to hers and put my hand on her shoulder. “Ben told me about Ray.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Did he?” she asked, looking up at me. “That’s good. It’s nice to know Ben can talk about it now.”

“He sounded like a good guy,” I said, wondering if I was going too far.

Apparently I wasn’t. Mrs. Moore smiled at me. “Oh, he was. He was smart, too. He had a great future ahead of him.”

If only she knew he still had one.

I was getting very uncomfortable. The whole situation was way too strange. I moved my chair back to its original position. While I stared at his hand longingly, we sat in silence.

After a few hours, I fell asleep. I was woken by my phone ringing. It was the ringtone for my dad. I shook away my sleep and answered my phone.

“Hi, Dad,” I said.

“Amber. Is your friend okay?” He sounded very concerned. I had to give him credit for being so genuine.

“Yes,” I replied. “Well, he’s in really bad shape, but he’s going to live.”

My dad sighed in relief. “That’s good news. I was getting worried because I didn’t hear back from you.”

“I’m sorry. I was sitting here, and I fell asleep,” I apologized, adding, “What time is it?”

“It’s half past one,” he said. I jumped up and looked around me. The sun was shining in the window. Ben’s mom wasn’t in the room, and I guessed she was eating lunch or something. Ray was looking up at me.

“Oh,” I said to my dad, smiling halfheartedly at Ray. “I’m really sorry I didn’t call. I should be home for dinner.”

“Bye.”

I flipped my phone shut and turned to Ray.

“Good… afternoon, sleepy head,” he said.

I rolled my eyes, asking, “How long have you been awake?”

“A few minutes,” he replied, although I wasn’t sure I believed him. I felt his weak grip around my hand. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“No,” I admitted, “and I doubt I’ll get any tonight either.”

He sighed. “Why can’t you sleep at home? You were just sleeping here,” he said, looking very confused.

“I can’t sleep if you’re not there,” I answered, smiling wryly.

“Please try.”

“I will,” I mumbled in reply.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there,” he said.

Here he was, once again apologizing for things he couldn’t help. “It’s not your fault,” I said automatically. “I have to go home now, though. I’ll come before and after school tomorrow. Please, don’t try to stay wake for me.”

He smiled feebly.

“I’m serious. Don’t,” I said. “Oh, and make sure you tell Mrs. Moore and thank her for me.”

He took my hand and brought it to his cheek. “Goodbye.”

“Bye, Ray. I’ll be here whenever I can. I promise.” He let go of my hand and I lift the hospital in despair.