One Fumbled Touch

William's P.O.V

It feels good to be sat with my friends, the casual conversations and relaxed mood is great and the best part is that demonic Ryan is not joining us. I have Brendon sat beside me, my arm securely around his shoulder his hand held tightly onto mine. It's been a very long time since I have seen Brendon smiling and content, well at least kids at our shows are going to enjoy Panic's performance a hell lot more now! I mean sure it was devastating to see Brendon physically drained of everything what makes him the hyper, mental boy we love but to see him on that stage not enjoying doing what he loves so much hurt me more. Even though everything feels beyond perfect right now I cant settle and I can directly put my finger on why.

It's George, or as you more commonly know him as Ryan. I refuse to call him by his nickname because we are far from ever being friends again. On a plus side calling him George will really piss him off and I find the name quite amusing to be honest. Anyway I feel like a final conversation with him is necessary. I can't stand the rest of this tour being dominated by his childish hatred towards us all and if I wont allow him on tour with us that means no Panic At The Disco, no Brendon.

I excuse myself from the table to Brendons disappointment and turn around to mouth I love you at him before heading over to the staircase. I need to walk more anyway, would you class going up stairs as exercise? Being on tour means lounging around playing video games and eating junk food so walking more isn't going to hurt. I make my way up the staircase my head already buzzing with thoughts on how I'm going to approach him, its hard to look into the eyes of someone who you have had an intimate experience with and not feel intimidated by them.

Turning around the corner I make my way up the tenth set of stairs, okay lost count of how many stairs. My legs start to ache, but Instead of pushing myself to make my way up to Ryan's, I mean George's, room I come to an unexpected stop. I look up slowly my heart starts to thump frantically, beating hard against my chest. It's Ryan and he looks like he wants to kill me, okay on a more serious note he looks seriously angry, why oh why did I choose to speak to him now.

"Move out of my way Beckett," he hisses at me, I'm honestly scared to talk back, sure we are both lanky and extremely thin but he would easily win a fight against me. His deep, harsh breathing is putting me even more on edge and the fire lighting his eyes is just plain scary. Anybody want to take bets on how long it is before I'm on the floor?

"We need to talk," I stutter, I try to be bold and confident, but my so called commanding words come out weak and barely a whisper. He snigger's at me cruelly, folding his arms across his chest. A sarcastic smile ripples across his lips and I take a step back down the stairs, terrified that Ryan was going to be the one who punches me in the face this time and a lot more harder may I add.

"I don't need your crap, sure I was the one who hurt your precious boyfriend but the retard deserved it anyway," Ryan snarls, the anger leaks into my veins, flowing around me, reaching the ends of my fingertips and toes. Before I know it my fingers are curling into fists and my cheeks are flooding red.

"Why are doing this! Is it because nobody likes you or is that I want Brendon and not you," I shout this time, fuming. He is taking this a step too far, he can't expect me to take his shit and respect him after all he has done. He has tried to rip this tour apart and split Brendon's heart it two, even now its as if it's only held together by the weakest stitches. Anytime it could be ripped apart again leaving a weeping hole in his chest and I'm not going to let that happen.

"Look William I have never wanted you, do you know how many guys I have slept with! I just don't want you with Brendon, he deserves better than you and ever since he has become head over heels for you I have lost all respect for him. You have stolen my best friend and I don't even know who he is anymore," Ryan tells me, his voice is still angry and stern but I can feel the pain desperately trying to break through. Immediately I feel a lump forming in my throat.

"But that's no excuse, you cant go around destroying people lives just because your selfish and want Brendon all to yourself," I snap at him, I take a step back up the step and I'm face to face with him, the glare in our eyes, intense. He grabs the scruff off my T-shirt and throws me against the hard, white wall. When the cold stone hits the back of my head a small whimper spills from my lips.

"I wouldn't mess with me if I were you Beckett, do you really want Brendon to pay the price for you and your cheek," he says darkly, I struggle against his harsh grip, the pain of his fingernails digging into me is nothing compared to the thought of loosing Brendon over his jealously.

"Wait a minute, you like him don't you!" I exclaim, everything seems to fit together, like Ryan is the last vital piece. He wants me and Brandon to fall to pieces, so he can come along and help Brendon put everything back together. He wants to be Brendon's hero when really he's just causing him more pain and heartache. He's the bad guy, the villain.

"No I don't," he snarls at me, his eyes cant possibly get any darker there almost black, I try to look directly into them to see if I could possibly see the real picture behind all his angst and anger. But I see nothing only the furious look spread across his face.

"Just admit it, we cant help who we fall in love with," I try to say calmly, but he wont listen, he just shakes his head and every now and then a growl will escape from his lips. Why wont he break! I want all his pain and feelings to rush out of once, his emotions set free and actual, real tears fall from his evil eyes. I just need to see the real Ryan for once, he has to be in there somewhere.

"Stop it, your hurting me," I hiss, I push him away with all my strength as he stumbles backwards, I sigh a breath of relief when I can move my arms freely but I totally forgot that we were stood on a staircase. I try to grab him before he falls, but I'm too late, he's falling now, his screams making me sick to my stomach. I look away, trying to pull myself together, come to terms with what I have just done. His bones could be breaking, blood could be covering every part of his too tiny frame. It was an accident I swear, I'm not a violent person, I hate hurting people.

When the sound of Ryan hitting each step stops I turn around as I feel the shudders Slip down my spine. I rush down the staircase, panic taking over. He is just lade there, pale, not moving. I cant see any blood, so why isn't he getting up, he might have just got a simple bump to the head or maybe he's broken something. Oh I don't know, I'm a rock star not a bloody doctor.

"Come on Ryan, stop playing around, get up," I say seriously, I kneel beside him and shake him gently, god his skin is ice cold. Now I'm shaking him so much I feel like I'm going to rip his arms off, I turn to pounding my fist into his chest but he wont do anything. This what never supposed to happen, everyone is going to hate me, I'll go to prison my life will be over. All of our fans are going to wish they had never looked up to me as their hero anymore, I'm the monster not Ryan.

What have I done...