One Fumbled Touch

Williams P.O.V

I think I cheated on Brendon last night, the naked, slender body beside me kind of proves that. I dare not look at what's beneath the sweaty covers because I don't want to feel the lump form in my throat when I view the exposed thing what I buried into her last night. If you can't tell what I'm talking about, I mean my penis. The room is hot and uncomfortable, the smell of dirty, unprotected sex tortures my nostrils. I look down to see the clothes she so carelessly ripped off last night and cringe when I see the kinky pair of handcuffs she used to tie me to the bed with. My skin still feels like its burning from when her hands were all over my thrusting body.

Turning to look at the girl I stupidly used last night I run my fingers through her hair what feels like silk between my fingers. A sigh escapes from my lips, she looks so innocent, untouchable and I ravaged her like she wasn't even there. Every time she moaned my name I felt sick, the screams and groans of pleasure killed me inside. I don't like this girl, she was a one night stand and I know I was wrong to do that to such a young girl who obviously thought I was interested in her.

"Morning William," she mumbles quietly, she turns to look at me, blinking her beautiful, wide eyes. I'm relived that the quilt is covering her chest and the rest of her exposed skin. Seeing her naked in just a slap to the face. Just looking at her brings back unwanted memories.

"Are you hungry Jessica," I ask her uncomfortably, I guess getting up and making her something would stop the awkward conversations and talk of how last night was the best sex ever. Oh and you did hear me right I slept with Jessica, the fan who stopped me from fucking myself up.

I went for a walk last night I had been planning on catching a plane early this morning and wanted to spend my final night in peace. But I met Jessica as I was just coming back, she told me that she was staying with her brother that's why she was still here, It was good to see her again but once we got to my room and the alcohol came back I saw her with a new pair of eyes. Within ten minutes I was on top of her and everything disappeared. Please don't take this as me saying sex is the answer to all your problems because its not, trust me.

"Bill pass me my mobile," she groans, I reach out to the bedside cabinet thankful that I didn't have to get out of the bed naked and pass it her. I don't really care who's ringing her I wish they would take her away from me. I need to get out of this hotel, fucking a fan has just made this even more complicated.

I thought she was going to stay laid in bed, but when the smile on her face turns to a frown I kind of figure that she must be in a very important conversation. She crawls out of bed, my cheeks burn bright when she flounces off to the bathroom naked. I even cover my eyes waiting until she was out of my sight. I take her absence as an opportunity to get dressed, I quickly put on my trousers, not bothering with any underwear and pull my t shirt over my head. I pick up a brush and run it through my hair then walk over to the kettle to make us both a cup of tea.

"Man I hate my brother!" Jessica groans, she comes back out of the bathroom to my relief she has a dressing gown on. She badly aims the phone at the bed and throws it as it hits the wall. She drops down onto the bed, folding her arms and pouting like an over dramatic child. I itch the back of my neck not really knowing how to approach her.

"Why," I ask lamely, I don't even bother going over to her I just focus all my attention on pouring the water into the cups. I have a feeling I am going to get her life story or a bitch fit.

"He's mad with me for skipping school again. He's a rock star he has no need to speak, what qualifications do you need to play guitar and get all sweaty," she explains, I turn to look at her my mouth seems to hit the floor, well it felt that way. She said school, don't kids go to school not mature adults who are taking a journalist course. I have a feeling that something is about to go horribly wrong, please someone tell me that she is the 18 year old I thought she was when I had sex with her.

"Jessica I thought you went to college," I question her, I can already feel my heart beating twice its normal rate and I don't even know any of the rubbish she has been feeding me. Is her name even Jessica, or is that just another blasted lie. Man, god must really hate me. Is it because I am really cute, is that why he is punishing me. Maybe he's just jealous that I get all the boys and girls. Okay how big headed do I sound right now!

"William please don't be mad with me."

"What have you done," I ask her, well more like choke out. Do I really want to know the truth, I knew this was never a good idea, I must have been really drunk when I decided to have random sex with her. Its a shame really that my whole career is sinking into the pits of hell because I can't control myself when a bottle of beer is shoved into my hand.

"I'm not 18 and I don't go to college, I came to see my brother, he's in your band and I knew that you would never consider doing anything with me if you knew," she tells me quietly, I glare at her, the anger and fear mixing together is some sort of deadly cocktail. If she's not 18, then how old is she and which one of my band members has to find out that I slept with their sister.

"Knew what," I manage to ask her without exploding. I could rage my head off at her but if she stars crying my immediate reaction will be to comfort her. I don't need to give her sympathy she should be my shoulder to cry on! She has to take the blame for this, she took advantage of me and lied her way into bed with me.

"That I was only 15," she whispers before bursting into tears and I swear my heart stopped beating when the truth spilled from her lips. She's underage, if someone was to find out about this I would be known as the murdering rapist. What would be the point in living anymore, my life is in pieces, slipping through my hands like sand. How could she do this to me, did she not think about the trouble she could get me into. Well she's only 15 why would she bother to not think about anyone but herself.

"Who's your brother," I manage to ask her through my uneven, deep breaths. She tires to come over to me but I push her away cringing when I touch her arm. I already feel violently sick and she hasn't told me who her mystery brother is yet. Its bad enough that I slept with a 15 year old but a 15 year old related to one of my band members is beyond disgusting in every way possible.

"Mike Carden," she mumbles, I thrust the box of tissues at her because the sound of her crying gets to me like nails on a chalkboard. Mike is a pretty tough guy, he would knock me down in one punch for sure. Oh it doesn't matter it could have been Adam's sister and it still would have been just as bad.

I feel like I could rip off my skin, or scrub at it with a sponge until it wears away revealing bone. I feel so dirty and I suppose used. But that feeling wont go away with shower gel or water. Constantly my skin will itch and burn from the thought of her all over me.

I'm scared now as I let a tear trickle down my cheek, I feel like I have failed myself, failed Brendon, our fans. Fuck that I have failed at everything and failed everyone. I don't even realize Jessica has left the room until the sound of her over dramatic sobs can no longer be heard. People are going to hate me, I've gone from being one of the most nicest rock stars you will ever meet to the lowest of the low.

Please don't hate me, just hate the monster I have become.