One Fumbled Touch

Brendon’s P.O.V

I’m running.

I can feel every single cold droplet of rain as it hits my face, eventually I’ll become soaked to the bone, the rain washing down into the gutter, along with my pride and I just don’t care anymore. My heart doesn’t know quite when it decided to miss William so much, but it does, it’s gripping onto what little memories we had and playing them to me in my head, over and over again, it’s so fickle of me, but I can’t help it. I want him. I want him. I need him!

Passers by stare as I sprint down the sidewalk, dodging all obstacles swiftly and skilfully, panting like a dog in heat. I guess that’s what an aching heart can do to you. He’s still the alcoholic, self loving, low life that accidentally killed my abusive best friend, but he’s also the sweet, innocent and caring man I fell in love with…that’s right I am in love. Love. Love. Frickin’ love!

The path set out before me is unfamiliar, but I know this was the direction he headed, if I ran long enough I would find him, right? That’s what love is, it’s like gravity, gravitation even, the one force than cannot be denied!

I can feel my sides beginning to get stitch and I slow down a little, gasping for breath and looking around frantically. I have no idea where I’ve ended up. The landscape all around me is lonely, grey and quite frankly not any help at all. My eyes well up and I begin to cry, still running into uncertainty, still holding to that last hope that, just maybe, I could find him and we could be together again.

What would the people at the church say? After making such a fuss about William ruining the funeral, now here I am, desperately chasing after him!

I fall to my knees, a jolting pain rising up through my legs. “William!” I scream, my lungs almost empty.

Silence.

“William…” I say a little quieter this time. “William, William, William…”

My sobbing, must have sounded pathetic, it was a good job there was no one around to hear it. Tears fall from my face and onto the ground, mixing with the rainwater, a murky grey colour….like the sky. Suddenly I hear the sound of a car, not far away, coming up from behind me, it goes by slowly before coming to a stop and reversing to stop at the side of my lame excuse of a body.

“No. I’m not going to suck your cock. Go away.” I spit to the stranger as I hear the car window rolling down.

“Excuse me?”

I open my eyes and turn around swiftly, hoping that maybe it was William I heard.

No such luck.

“Are you okay?” The stranger looks down at me through concerned eyes, not being in the mood for idle chat, I simply shook my head.

“Is there anywhere I can help you, at all?”

It’s weird how people want to help when you really don’t want it, but then when you need it so desperately no ones there, just like now.
I let out a small sigh. “Unless you’ve seen an alcoholic man named William Beckett anywhere around here, no…you can’t.”

“…William Beckett, hm? What does this guy look like?”

I look up at the man. “Longish, brown hair, brown eyes, quite lanky…”

The man thinks for a second or so, his greyish eyebrows crumpling up. “That kinda sounds familiar actually…there’s a bloke down the road who looks like that…”

My eyes widen and my whole body jolts to attention. He’s seen William? He’s actually seen him?

“Where? Which way?” I yell, suddenly full of bounce and energy.

“Just down that road there…” He points behind us.

An excited smile sweeps my lips as I grab the man’s hand. “Thank you so, so much!”

Then I run.

My legs carrying me toward, what I hoped to be my Billvy; the rain was beginning to let up a little, but the wind was as chilling as ever. The taste of dry skin in my mouth was horrid, much like the feeling that I was about to keel over and pass out due to lack of oxygen, I have to see him, I have to at least make an effort even if it does leave me heart broken.

I start to slow down a little as I notice a red car off in the distance…William left a red car…My heart begins pounding away, almost painfully, in my chest, my stomach is queasy; I feel like I could throw up again.

The pace of my running instantly declines as I edge closer to the car, my legs seeming to be overcome with nerves, come on goddamnit, better now than never!

Bending over to peer inside the car I feel utterly petrified, the window is already rolled down and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I look into the driver’s seat.

“Brendon?” He questions.