One Fumbled Touch

William's P.O.V

I think I'm lost. You know when you feel like your heart and soul has took the wrong turn but you have stayed oblivious to the thought that you were losing yourself. Maybe it's too late to start looking, its long gone. Your never coming back, never. You want to believe that everything is going to fine but you know deep down that the changes are irreversible, you have disappeared and have to find a way of getting over it one way or another. But some never truly get it, the emptiness is sickening, the blank expression on your face beyond noticeable, you just let what's left of you eat you alive, you slip away like sand through your fingers.

"Talk to me Brendon, talk to me!" I scream, the terror evident in my screeching voice, I'm not even paying attention to the dusty, winding road ahead of me. I try to keep my hands firmly on the wheel, but my trembling fingers are struggling to stay clasped around it and the urge to give up and reach out towards him is gut wrenching, tearing away at my insides.

"Don't die on me, I can't deal with anymore deaths, can't you see me falling to pieces," I try to stay calm, but I'm being selfish, thinking of me and my feelings, not the boy who holds my heart dying in the back of my car. All thanks to me may I add. I might as well say, don't die cause then I will have murdered two innocent souls don't I just scream life imprisonment.

Silence.

He can't be breathing, his beautiful pale chest is not rising and falling, no air is being passed through his thick, pink lips. How could a heart so huge, so caring, so out of this world not be beating. He's an inspiration, a god to some love struck teenagers, and the best thing what ever happened to me. And now what? He dies, he fucking dies because I choose to run him over with my car because my life is fucked. My fucking life! Why can' I think about anyone but myself. Why can't I die, or more like I deserve to die not him. Never him. Just me, just the mess with a crooked smile.

"You don't get to die Urie! You don't get out of this so easily," I tell him sternly, but its mainly aimed at myself. I slam my foot down on the break and the car comes to a sudden halt, the screech of tires on the dry road sends shivers down my tingling spine. I practically rip off the car door as I stumble out if it, leaning against the cool metal bonnet of my old, pile of crap. Some car. Well look at what its done to Brendon, okay more like a dangerous, deadly pile of crap.

Okay, why the hell am I describing how crap my car is, what's called Christine by the way, when Brendon Urie is dying in the back of it?

Because I'm a fucking idiot. That's why!

Scrabbling for my mobile I retrieve it from my pocket and firstly ring for an ambulance, I have to lie and say that I already found him like the broken catastrophe he is because I don't need the police taking me away from him. I'm not leaving his side, I can't leave him to die. Leave him to die all on his own. Secondly I phone Jon, seeing as him and Spencer are all Brendon really has right now and they deserve to know that they may never see the beautiful angel I'm looking over ever again.

"Jon, I have some terrible news..."

"Oh god William! He's gone William, he's gone I can't find him anywhere," Jon practically sobs into the phone, his pain and agony leaking into my ears. I take a deep breath and try to take all this in, why didn't anybody tell me that when you mix Panic At The Disco with The Academy Is you get a screwed, chemical reaction what bubbles over, constantly leaking more and more commotion, more trouble, pain, angst, destruction, broken hearts, hurt...

"Just calm down Jon, just take a breath and explain everything slowly to me," I say quietly as my shaking hand reaches out and slowly touches Brendon's cool cheek, the sudden harshness of temperature taking me back. I have to squeeze my eyes shut to stop myself from being violently sick due to the gore and blood covering his battered, tortured body. The tears silently slip down my cheeks and I have to wrap my arm around my trembling frame to stop myself from falling apart, I'm trying to keep the pain captivated inside of me.

"It's Spencer, Will, I came out of the funeral to ask him if he wanted to move in with me and he was nowhere to be seen. His car is still here, but I found his jacket still on his chair when we all gathered together, I'm so worried. I don't want to loose him,I don't want to loose the chance of ever telling him how I really feel. I love him William, I really do..." The mobile drops from my hand, hitting the ground with a small clatter as the sound of Jon's tense, worried voice becomes just a faint plea for help hitting the dust.

"You hear that Brendon, Jon loves Spencer! You can't die, you know you want to see them as an official couple," I say to him, trying to smile through my chapped lips, the tears roll down my forced smile and I taste the hurt and disgust on my tongue. I try to pull him into my arms, but I've lost all will power and just watch as he flops back into the car seat, his head hitting the window with a small thud.

I force myself to lean over his broken form and rest my head against his chest to check for a heartbeat, my fingers are tightly crossed together whilst I do so. But everything stays silent I press my ear closer to his chest, but nothing, no gentle sound of his heart beating to its own quirky rhythm, just the sound of it not beating. I pound my fists hard into chest, the frustration and pain being rammed into it.

"For gods sake Brendon, fucking breath will you!" I scream at him, desperation clinging to me like a comfort blanket.

Before I know it a car is pulling up beside us and I freeze, instantly stopping my fists from failing at beating life back into Brendon. I turn around slowly feeling the moisture droplets trickle down my fringe, sticking it to my damp forehead. Wait a minute, that car looks familiar. Think William, bloody think!

Oh god, that's Mike Carden's car!

"I'll fucking kill you Beckett, thinks its funny that you got my little sister pregnant."