One Fumbled Touch

William's P.O.V

“Look Jessica my boyfriend is in hospital I don’t have time for this,” I snap at her irritably, having Mike drop me off at his parent’s house to see Jess was beyond mortifying. I think I would much rather be sat with Brendon, holding his hand and kissing his pain away for god’s sake! I’m sat on her bed feeling hot under my t shirt from the posters staring back at me with intense eyes. Those posters being of Panic At The Disco, yes now you appreciate why a poster is getting under my skin. I run my fingers over her silk bed covers and shiver from the touch.

“Wait a minute. Boyfriend!?” Jessica exclaims, she throws her arms up in the air and glares at me with those enchanting eyes of hers. I just drop my head low in shame, I got you pregnant and now I’m walking away like the coward I am. I can’t even bring myself to look at her that’s how damn pathetic I am!

“Come on Jessica surely you knew about me and Brendon,” I mumble, well more like state to myself. Mike tells her everything if she didn’t know then Mike and her must have had an argument that’s all I can think of. She just rolls her eyes at me and continues to curse me under her breath. Like she doesn’t know I can hear her.

“Maybe I did William! Or maybe I just wanted to forget the fact that my baby’s dad has a fucking boyfriend!” she screams at me, I’m taken back by her sudden pain and anger, the guilt is slowly released into my veins. Well she couldn’t have got any blunter than that.

“Well get an abortion then!” I shot back, not realizing how nasty the comment was. This time our eyes meet. Mine wide hers glistened with tears, soon to fall down her flustered cheeks. I thought she was going to fall to pieces before me, a crumpled mess at my feet. But no she’s a girl she was bound to throw something at me sooner or later.

“Get an abortion! Is that how sick you are, really William, really!” she hisses at me, whilst picking up the nearest object she could fine, what just so funnily was a handbag, and started hitting me with it. What the hell do girls put in those things anyway! I try to stop her but I knew I had to restrain myself from actually hitting her back, yes I know hitting a girl, that’s horrible I get it. But it would be through self defence.

“Jessica stop that, the handbag really hurts!” I groan at her, she drops the handbag to the floor and bursts into tears, oh please not tears! I expect she wants some form of comfort well she can get that from Mike, cue me being a heartless bastard again. She holds out her arms, she looks even more like a kid now, obviously wanting a hug but I reject her almost instantly.

“Come on William we could be a couple, we would be happy! She pleads with me; she digs her fingers into the soft fabric of my t shirt as she collapsed into my pounding chest. Okay awkward! I gently wrap my arms around her; she looks up at me with her watery eyes and then cries even more. I seriously don’t know what to do I feel like her big brother not the father of her child. She seems to be enjoying the uncomfortable embrace so I don’t ruin the moment by pushing her away.

“Your 15 and I’m not being cruel but I don’t have feeling for you. I’m sorry Jessica you know I love Brendon and I need to be with him right now. You can’t seriously tell me that you want to have a child at your age, I mean even I don’t want kids and I’m 23. We can’t be a couple and I hope you accept that,” I tell her sternly, I don’t want to leave a constant mental scar in head over what I say to her but I just need to get straight to the point. Of course I care about her, but to me she will always be that stupid, drunken one night stand. What I regret and always will. Let’s just say a baby would be like a slap to the face, there is no escaping your child, do I really want to be a horrible father among all the other horrendous things I have become through time.

“No William, just shut up! You are not leaving this bedroom until you say you will be in a relationship with me. Big deal I’m 15 but that does not mean I can’t do this! Finish with Brendon I don’t see him carrying your child and I swear it was him who killed Ryan Ross. I mean after all him did to him no wonder he cracked...”

So I slap her.

“I killed him okay! I pushed him down the stairs and the bastard deserved it. So still think I would be a great boyfriend and father now?” I spit at her, she just looks at me horrified, her pale skin turn a ghastly grey colour and her lips hang open but yet the words just don’t seem to spill out. Running a hand through my greasy, ruffled hair I try to stay calm but the anger and guilt stabbing my stomach isn’t helping.

She holds onto her cheek, tears spilling down her face delicately, I’m having an argument with a 15 year old tears were just bound to happen. The voice in my head is telling me to run, fuck it all, and fuck life and everything around me. But then there is the ugly lump of muscle beating in my chest, commonly known as my heart, telling me to stay put and help the poor girl stood in front of me.

“Just get out! Get out, I hate you!” she sobs hysterically she starts punching me in the arm with all her might but I don’t feel anything. I’m numb. I’m stuck in a world where everything revolves around me and I stay put. Stuck in a life I hate, stuck with being the monster I am. It’s never going to change.

I walk out her room, she throws herself onto the bed pounding her fists into her tear stained pillow I think about turning around and trying to work things out. But she doesn’t need me. Nobody does. Now I think about why would Brendon even want me? I’m about to plan my dramatic, heart breaking suicide when my mobile starts vibrating in my pocket. God damn it! People ring me at the most stupidest of times.

“Look what do you want,” I ask rudely, not giving a care in the world whose perfect fucking moods going to get ruined.

“God William, what’s all I was going to say was get to the hospital. Brendon won’t stop asking for you and he is refusing to speak to anyone but you now,” Spencer says, pissed off. Well at least Spencer is okay, Jon will be happy. Maybe they will get the happy ending me and Brendon never got. Good for them I guess.

“Where are you by the way?” I ask him curiously, I can’t hurt to know.

“Look do not laugh. I ran Jon’s cat over and now I feel horrible, he loves his cat and I killed it! I’m trying to think of what I can say to him I just feel so bad,” Spencer explains uncomfortably as I hold back the smirks desperate to flee from my lips.

That phone call just might have made my day that tiny bit better...