I Won't Fear Love.

I tried my best to sit in class the next day, but it was just impossible. In a week will be the exam, following that will be Graduation. Following that, I'll leave.

I can't believe that it's finally coming to an end. Everything.

No more teachers in my business, no more homework. No more worrying about detentions, or failing. No more suspensions, or people getting expelled. No more bulling- okay scratch that, there still will be that wherever you go.

The things I'm going to miss: My friends, some teachers, something t do during the day besides a job, Something to keep your mind from wandering-okay maybe , right now, it's not working exactly, but still.

I'm going to miss my family, too. Very much. I'm eighteen, going out on my own.

And Heather. I feel as I need to protect my little sister. Her last year of school, since she's super duper smart, and I'm not going to be there. She's going to be seventeen at the end of this summer, and I won't be here.

Well, maybe I'll come back for her. Her and I can have some serious sister bonding time, before I leave and when I get back.

But then there...I can't bring my self to think of either one of my friends. It just deepens everything.

Now, I don't know why I want to go to Mississippi. Ever since I've saw this one place on TV, it was beautiful, amazing.

Ever since I was 11, I've wanted to go there. It's been one of the dreams I've been wanting to come true. I won't let something come between.

Damn, I don't want to be selfish.

"Mariella?" Someone poked my arm, hard. I turned to glare at Beth, "Mariella! Stop day dreaming, class is over." She looked down at my empty paper and sighed, "I'll give you my notes to copy." And she handed them to me. I stood up, packed everything and walked out of the door to English.

As I sat down, I kept my eyes on my paper. Copying Beths' notes. I felt eyes on me as I slowly looked up. No one.

I turned to my right, no one.

I turned behind me, Dominic.

And, suddenly last night popped into my head. I turned around and sighed, angrily at myself.

Yeah, it's taken a toll on me. I mean, I kissed one of my close friends out of desperation! And the fact that he wouldn't even...I screwed that up. I just hope nothings goes wrong, he's a really great person.

~.~.~.~

I went towards my room as soon as I got home. I needed to study, and hopefully do well.

I found myself listening to Carrie Underwood a lot lately, so I just stuck whatever CD I had closest in the CD player. As I got my books out Jesus take the wheel came on. It was a mixed one, with all her songs.

I sure could use some help, here. Since, obviously I'm clueless, and as blind as a blind woman as Jimmy would say.

I really can use some guidance, right about now Jesus. Just 'bout every things going down hill, and I don't know how to handle a whole lot of it.

I mean, Alex-that night still brings heart breaking tears to my eyes, and Dominic. Before Heather came along, my mother barely had the money to even keep the house. My brother in a coma. Oh god if I lost him....

Your probably wondering where's Dez? She's here, around here...somewhere. Her and Dante got into this huge fight, but they'll make up. Unlike me, my brothers not some wuss.

Inside your Heaven started to play as I worked on homework. I remembered that I maybe I should do homework, before I study.

Hour later

"Mariella! Dinner." I heard Heather say. To admit, I feel jealousy with my little sister. I mean, the man who helped..well, you know that process, didn't even find it in himself to love his first daughter, but could love his second when she looks almost exactly like the first. Tell me, it wouldn't make you jealous?

Plus, how could he not know who I am, when I'm a spitting image of him, himself?

I got up, turned my radio off and ran down the stairs.

Which, I ended up not eating at the table because Dominic was there. I looked at him for a second, just standing there shocked and confused. He knew I Came down, but didn't want to look up.

He hates me, and it just makes everything worse.

I brought my plate to the living room, Heather following.

She sat down, not wanting to eat. She took my plate out of my hands as she grabbed onto my sides and hugged me.

"Heather? You okay?" I asked, as she started to cry. She sniffled and shook her head no. "What's wrong?" I patted her back, trying to help her stop crying. I tried my best to focus on her, and not Dominic in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, that you had to hear that Mariella. I'm sorry." She apologized, for him. "It was wrong of him. " She whispered, and I felt stinging behind my eyes.

"Why are you saying sorry? IT was him not you." She shook her head as she let go.

"But, it's wrong and someone has to say sorry. I know how you feel. You could probably hate me, Mariella. Because Of what he said.." She trailed off. " He tried to give me every thing I ever wanted, both my mother and I....When I found out about you I totally flipped out. He didn't know I knew, though. Because my mother begged me to keep it quiet. I hated him, after I heard about you, your mother, and you brother. I didn't want every thing, because that's just not like a family. It's like...to stop you from annoying them. That's not what family does. They are there for her, and my mother and Alex never were. You, Dante, every one, they were there for me. And I love you guys so much for it. And even though the fact that, what he said. "She refused to say it, but broke down into tears, "You guys still manage to love me. Your mom still calls me her daughter, and Dante still calls me hislittle sister. And I'm not even their blood And you do the same, I couldn't live with out that. You can think I'm a spoiled brat, Mariella. You can hate me because your father thought more of my family, "She didn't want to sound rude, mean, or anything. She was opening up, and it made me cry along with her. I pulled my sister into my arms, her body shaking along with mine. By now, everyone had came in. "I love you guys, so much. This is what a family is, and I want it like this. I couldn't ask for more." She cried into my shoulder. I looked up at my mother, who was tearing up herself. She came over as she wrapped both arms around her and I.

"We could never hate you, darling. Even if you were some...even you if were Paris Hilton." I laughed at my mother softly, and I found myself agreeing.

It didn't matter who she was, just as long as she kept who she was. Her personality. Just, Heather in general. If she was some little blue guy, I'd still love her.

Because, she's my sister. And I've just got the bond with her. I could never leave her behind, or in trouble.