And All The Wounds That Are Ever Gonna Scar Me

I ran into the house and locked the door behind me, sweat poured down my face after my morning jog. I rested my body against the wooden door and leaned my head back as I took three big deep breaths in, slowly exhaling them. I could feel my heart racing and my lungs ached for that sweet oxygen it so desperately needed. I looked down on the floor and ran my fingers through my bangs, pushing them back behind my ear. I leaned forward and rested my hands on my knees and let out a deep sigh.

The kitchen was so empty and quiet that it sent shivers throughout my body. Frank and Jamia must be out shopping or looking for new talent for the record label. I was glad they were gone, I didn't like how they tried to be my parents. I didn't like how they tried to pretend my Dad was coming back for me, or that my Mom was clean and sober. I am eighteen years old but they treat me like I'm five. I know my Mom is back on heroin and coke, I know she overdosed while shooting up an eight ball. I know my Dad is halfway across the world in the United Kingdom and he has a girlfriend there. I know that my Dad is raising his girlfriends three year old, and I also know that she is expecting their child. They tried to shelter me from all this but I found out from Mikey.

Over the six months I've been here at Iero's house nothing has changed. I still feel abounded every day I'm stuck here with them, every day the pain never eases just only grows into hate and I'm scared that soon I won't feel anything but this hate. I stopped caring about how I looked and who could see my scars and who couldn't. At one point I even stopped eating and lost over fifteen pounds, I didn't care. Justin was the only normal part of my existence at the moment, and even then I could feel myself slowly losing him. He was slowly drifting away from our relationship. He wasn't happy with us anymore and I couldn't blame him.

Everyday he has to hear about how my Father left me and is now starting a family of his own, a family without me. Twenty-four seven he hears about how my Mom is slowly killing herself with these drugs and she doesn't even care how she killed our family. It was a surprise that Justin hadn't ended us a long time ago. I know he was getting tired of my wallowing in my self-pity and I was too but I couldn't seem to bring myself out this. It was like everyone who I have ever loved is slowly but surely leaving me, and the worst part is its by choice. The only constant in my life is the Iero's and Uncle Mikey.

When my Father left the band they fell apart and almost everyone lost contact with each other. Ray and his wife had their beautiful little daughter and have been so caught up in parenthood that they have no time to call. Last we heard they were in the process of having yet another child, via surrogate. Bob left New Jersey and moved back home to Chicago after that no one has heard a word from him. Uncle Mikey and Alicia are moving to California and leaving me alone in just a couple weeks and then I'll be alone in New Jersey with no family to run too.

I heard the car doors slam and the alarm beep twice, my heart slowly began to pick up its pace again. I knew they would yell at me again and swear to ship me away some where far away, somewhere my own Father couldn't find me. I wasn't scared of Frank and Jamia, to be honest they were only trying to keep me sane while my life was falling apart. They didn't have to keep me when they heard that my Dad wasn't coming back, but they did. The front door creaked open and soon their laughs and giggles sounded throughout the house, I figured I'd let them be. I took the back stairs in the kitchen to get to my room and sleep off this day.