If you are not the one

I woke up in the middle of the night, my stomach feeling very uncomfortable. I jumped up and quickly ran in the direction of my bathroom, but ran smack into the wall instead.

“Oomf.”, the wind rushed out of my lungs as I fell backwards, landing on the floor on my back and hitting my head against the side of something hard.

The light went on, and I quickly closed my eyes, the bright light giving me a blinding headache.

“Shell? What the hell are you doing on the floor?”, I heard Gerard’s voice ask tiredly.

I ignored the voice, thinking it was my imagination, and stood up carefully, not opening my eyes in case I got dizzy. It didn’t help, and my knees buckled underneath me, but a pair of warm arms catched me. I opened my eyes in confusion, and nearly had a heart attack.

“OH! What the hell are you doing in my room?”, I whispered angrily.

“Shell, this is my room, not yours. Your at my house.”, Gerard said, rubbing over his face with his free hand.

“Bathroom.”, I choked out, and he pulled me quickly to his bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I ran to the toilet, and threw up. I felt Gerard pull my hair out of my face as I threw up again. I had a pounding headache, and lay down on the, restin my cheek against the cool tiles. I heard the tap open, and a moment later Gerard was holding a glass of water in front of me. I sat up slowly, took the glass and gulped down the water greedily.

“How do you feel?”, he asked softly, pushing my hair out of my face.

“Are you and Lynn-Z really over?”, I asked, ignoring his question.

“Yes. What’s going on between you and Kyle?”, he demanded, his voice suddenly furious.

“I don’t know. He said that if our plan didn’t work, that he wanted me to go out with him. I thought it hadn’t worked, and when he asked what this means, I told him it means what he wants it to. And then I asked him wher I could find more brandy. He took me to the refreshment table, and I led him to the side of the house. The rest you know. I should call him and explain that there’s nothing between us.”, I mumbled, imagining his beautiful blue eyes filled with hurt.

“Shell, I want to apologize for acting like such a jerk. I shouldn’t have told you that I loved you before ending things with Lynz. And I shoudn’t have kissed her right after I told you I loved you. But I do love you. I think maybe I’ve always loved you, but just didn’t want to admit it. Please say you’ll forgive me.”, he pleaded softly, holding my hand tightly.

“Of course I’ll forgive you.”, I said softly.

He smiled and leaned forward, kissing me lightly on my forehead. He stood up and held out his hand to pull me up as well. He pulled me into a tight hug, and I breathed his scent in deeply. He smelled faintly of cigarettes and turpentine.

“Do you want a toothbrush?”, he asked after a few seconds.

“Yes, please.”, I said gratefully.

He turned to the cabinet beneath the sink and took out a new toothbrush, putting on toothpaste and handing it to me. I took it and began brushing my teeth vigorously, until the awful taste disappeared from my mouth. I drank more water out of the tap, and wiped my mouth dry with my hand.

“Come on, you should sleep off that hangover.”, he said with a slight chuckle, leading me back into his room.

I lay down on his bed, my eyes feeling heavy. Gerard pulled the covers over my body, and made to walk out the door.

“No, stay with me.”, I pleaded.

He turned to look at me uncertainly, but shrugged and got a blanket out of his closet. He turned off the light and came to lie next to me, throwing the blanket over his body. I turned around so that I was facing him, and snuggeled into his chest. He put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer, and I sighed happily.

“Goodnight, love.”, he whispered against my hair.

“G’night, Gee. I love you.”, I sighed before sleep overtook me.

I groaned and roll over, smack into a warm body that was lying next to me. I stiffened, and opened my eyes carefully. Gerard was lying next to me, still fast asleep, and last night flowed back into my mind. I rolled onto my side so that I could watch him sleep. He looked so peaceful, a slight smile playing on his beautiful lips. Everything about him was beautiful. I loved him so much that it physically hurt. I got lost in my thoughts, still looking at him but not really seeing him.

After a while I became aware of eyes burning on me, and my gaze focused again. I saw Gerard lying on his side, staring at me with a sleepy smile on his face.

“Hey.”, I said shyly.

“Morning, angel.”, he said softly, pulling my head lower so that our faces were only inches away.

“Gee.”, I sighed before our lips finally met.

He kissed me softly, and electricity shot up and down my body. I shivered and pressed myself closer to him, and he deepened the kiss. He pulled me down gently next to him, and pulled me even closer. My hands splayed against his bare chest and I could feel his heart beating frantically. He pulled away after a few minutes, and we just stared into each other’s eyes.

“I love you.”, I said softly, blushing furiously.

“I love you too.”, Gerard said, and kissed me lightly.

He threw the covers off of him and stood up, stretching and cracking his muscles. I stared at the way his muscles rippled beneath his skin when he moved. He smiled down at me, leaning down to kiss me again before he pulled the covers away from my body.

“Get up, lazy. It’s time for breakfast.”, he said, pulling me up.

“Uhm, you go along. I have to make a call.”, I said quietly, not meeting his gaze.

“Okay. Don’t be too long.”, he said, and I heard the door close behind him.

I took my cell phone out of my purse and saw that I had five missed calls from Kyle. I sighed heavily and punched in his number, waiting for him to pick up.

“Shell?! Are you all right? I’m so sorry babe, I shouldn’t have given you the brandy. Please let me make it up to you.”, Kyle said frantically before I could get a word out.

“Kyle, we need to talk.”, I said seriously.

“Oh. So the plan worked, I take it?”, he said, his voice sounding dead.

“Yes.”, I whispered.

“We can still stay friends, right?”, I asked after a long silence.

“I guess. But you know I’ll always want more. And I’ll always be on the sidelines, waiting.”, he said softly.
“Thanks honey. I have to go now.”, I said quietly.

“Bye babe. I love you.”, Kyle said and hung up before I could say anything.

I sighed and put my phone back in my purse. I pulled on my jacket as I walked down to the kitchen, the tantalizing scent of blueberry pancakes filling the air. I tiptoed to Gerard, and circled his waist with my arms.

“Hey sugar.”, Gerard said, a smile in his beautiful voice.

“Hey.”, I said softly, leaning my head against his back.

“How did he take it?”, he asked after a while.

“All right, I guess.”, I said, sighing.

He turned around to face me, and pulled me into a bonecrushing hug. I leaned my head against his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. Gerard lifted my head gently so that I was looking at him, and stared into my eyes.

“I want you to be careful around him, Shell. He might do something idiotic, and I don’t want to lose you.”, Gerard whispered.

I nodded and pulled his head down to kiss him softly. That was my original plan, but the moment his lips touched mine, sparks errupted. A pleasant tingling ran down my spine as he pressed me closer, his hand pressing against my lowerback. My own hands were tangled in his soft hair, pressing his head closer to mine.

“Ahem.”, I jumped away from Gerard, flushing when Mikey cleared his throat.

“Morning guys.”, he greeted, sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey Mikes.”, I said, kissing his cheek.

I helped Gerard put the food on the table, and we sat down next to each other.

“So, what happened between you and Kyle last night? Did you, you know?”, Mikey asked.

I choked on the food, and Gerard slapped me on my back.

“Are you CRAZY?! Of course we didn’t! I’m not that type of girl, Mikey. You of all people should know that!”, I yelled.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Jeez.”, he said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“It’s okay.”, I said quietly.
We finished eating, the three of us, silent, each one busy with his own thoughts. I washed the dishes while Gerard dried them and Mikey put them away. We didn’t talk. I watched Gee out of the corner of my eye. He looked distant, and I could see his thoughts were elsewhere.

“I’m going to Chelsea’s. See you guys later.”, Mikey said before he walked out of the kitchen.

I waited until I heard his car drive away before I turned to look at Gerard. I opened my mouth to say something just as the phone rang, and sighed in frustration. He jumped up to answer it, and walked quickly out of the kitchen.

“Hello?”, I heard him answer quietly.

The person on the other end said something, and he was quiet for a while. I stood up from the chair and walked softly to his room to get my things. I was staring out the window when he walked into his room. I heard him walk towards me, and he put his arms around my waist from behind. I sighed and leaned my head back against his chest, lacing my fingers through his.

“I love you.”, he whispered against my hair, pulling me closer.

“I love you too.”, I murmered, turning around in his arms to face him.

He lowered his head and kissed me softly. I could keep on kissing him forever. Lynn-Z was right, he is an amazing kisser. My hands tangled in his hair as he deepened the kiss. My skin tingled and his hands rubbing my back left trails of fire after them. I pressed myself as close as I could to him, but it still wasn’t close enough. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, breathing just as hard as I was.

“I should probably get home.”, I whispered, staring into his beautiful eyes.

“Probably. I’ll take you back to Amber’s house, that way your mom won’t find out that you spent the night here.”, Gerard said, taking my hand and pulling me along behind him.

We walked in silence to his car. He opened the door and I got in, turning the radio on softly. He got in and started the car, driving carefully out of the garage. I examined him as we drove, taking in every detail of his face.

“What?”, he asked, glancing my way quickly, a faint blush tainting his cheeks, before looking at the road again.

“You’re beautiful.”, I blurted out.

“Thanks sugar.”, he said with an embarrassed laugh.

I giggled nervously and turned my head to stare out the window. All too soon we reached Amber’s house. I looked up and saw her peeking out of her bedroom window.

“I’ll call you tonight.”, Gerard whispered before kissing me.

“Okay. Bye.”, I said and jumped out of the car.

I stood on the sidewalk and waved as he drove off. Amber came running out of her house, and pulled me into a hug.

“How are you?”, she asked worriedly, letting me go.

“I’m fine.”, I replied with a smile.

“Good, I’ll go make us some coffee. Just call your mom and tell her you’ll come home in an hour or something. Doesn’t matter.”, she said as we walked into her house.

“Hey Amber, can Kyle and I get some coffee too?”, I heard Tristan call from the den.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart starting to beat frantically. I could feel the blood drain from my face, and my knees felt weak.

“What’s wrong with you?”, Amber demanded when she realized that I wasn’t following her anymore.

“Kyle – is here?”, I whispered.

“Yeah. His friends with Tristan, remember?”, she said impatiently, tugging me along to the kitchen.

“Yeah, but you could have warned me at least!”, I whispered furiously.

“Why? Aren’t you two dating now, or something?”, she asked, her voice filled with surprise.

“No! We were only maybe gonna date when our plan didn’t work, and it did.”, I said heatedly.

“Oh great!”, Amber said excitedly.

“Yeah, I know.”, I said with a dreamy smile on my face.

“Tristan asked me to – “

I whirled around at the sound of Kyle’s voice stopping abruptly when he saw me. His eyes were bloodshot, and he hadn’t shaved. He had a black eye and his lip was swollen. I stared at him aghast.

“Kyle, what happened to you?”, I demanded.

“Got in a fight at the strip club.”, he admitted sheepishly.

“Strip – You were drunk, weren’t you?”, I asked, and groaned when he nodded.

“What do you care?”, he snapped suddenly, his eyes glinting with anger.

“I do care! We’re supposed to be friends, Kyle!”, I yelled, my stomach boiling with anger.

“Well, I don’t want to be friends with you! I want us to be more!”, he shouted.

“It’s not gonna happen, so stop acting like such a jerk! See you later, Amber.”, I said and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind me.

“Shell, wait!”, I heard Kyle yell after me.

I whirled around and glared at him as he walked quickly towards me. His cheeks were flushed, and he looked determined and angry at the same time. I sighed irritably, and tapped my foot impatiently.

“What do you want?”, I snapped when he reached me.

“I can’t stomach seeing the picture of you and Gerard together, kissing, when I know it’s supposed to be us. I want you, and I’ll never stop wanting you.”, he said forcefully.

“Kyle, there’s no way we can be together. I love Gee, I’ve always loved him. Why can’t you just accept that?”, I asked sadly, a lone tear rolling down my cheek.

“Shell – don’t cry.”, he pleaded softly.

I looked up into his midnight blue eyes, and he lowered his head, crashing his lips against mine. I tried to push him away, but he just tightened his hold, pressing my head closer to his and deepening the kiss. I became a statue, standing still and just let him finish kissing me. He pulled away, and kissed me again softly.

“Are you done now?”, I asked in a monotone.

He smiled widely, nodding his head. I balled my hand into a fist, and punched him in his stomach, grinning satisfactorily when I heard the wind whoosh out of him. He fell backwards and landed on his butt, staring at me in shock.

“Kiss me again, and next time it won’t be you stomach.”, I said threateningly before I turned and walked away.