If you are not the one

Two Months Later

“I love you sugar. I promise I’ll call you every night, and I’ll come see you every weekend.”, Gerard whispered in my ear, holding me tightly while I sobbed, my whole body shaking.

“I love you, too. I’m gonna miss you so much.”, I cried, clutching his soaked shirt.

“I’m going to miss you too.”, he said softly.

The bus driver honked impatiently, and the other guys except Mikey left their girlfriends to get on the bus. Amber, Kate and Irena were all clutching each others hands as they cried silently.

“I love you, Amber!”, Frankie called through the window.

“I love you, too babe!”, Amber called through her tears.

“You should probably go, before the bus leaves without you.”, I whispered hoarsely.

Gerard crushed my lips with his in a passionate farewell kiss, hugging me tightly. He ran onto the bus, and the girls came to stand next to me, all of us holding hands, staring after the bus. We waved until we couldn’t see them anymore, and turned around, back to the SUV.

“Now we need a party to get rid of all of our sorrows. I suggest a sleepover at my house tonight, my parents are out of town, so we can drink until the cows come up.”, Chelsea suggested as we drove home.

We stopped first at my house and I quickly ran up the stairs, grabbing my pajamas, clothes for tomorrow and my toiletries, threw it into a bag and ran back downstairs. Next was Amber’s house, then Irena and then Kate. We got to Chelsea’s house two hours later, after we had stopped at the liquor shop, and the DVD shop, taking out all the chick flicks they had, and a few horror movies.

“When can we start drinking?”, Amber demanded when we had finished setting up the Christmas bed in front of the TV.

“Patience, girl. What pizzas do you guys want?”, Chelsea asked.

“Pepperoni and cheese.”, I replied quickly.

“I want a pepper steak pizza.”, Kate said.

“Make that two.”, Irena said, falling down on the bed.
“Three.”, Amber said, and came to sit behind me, playing with my hair.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Put on one of the chick movies so long.”, Chelsea said before she hurried to the telephone.

“Which one do you want to watch first?”, Amber asked, holding out the DVD’s.

“City of Angels.”, I said immediately.

“Good choice, girl. I feel like having a good cry.”, Irena said, sniffling already.

“Great, the pizzas will be here in an hour.”, Chelsea said when she re-entered the room.

Amber hit play as soon as everyone was comfortable, and lay down next to me. An hour later the doorbell rang, and Chelsea jumped up to go get our pizzas. She handed each of us our pizza, and we continued watching the movie.

My phone vibrated just a while after the movie had ended, and I tried to control my tears first before answering. Irena was sobbing hysterically, and Amber, Kate and Chelsea was crying softly.

“Hello?”, I answered, trying hard to stop crying.

“Shell, is that you?”, I heard a familiar voice ask confusedly.

“Yeah. Who is this?”, I asked.

“It’s me, Lynn-Z, silly! How are you?”, Lynn-Z asked loudly.

I could hear voices in the background, and loud music as well.

“I’m good. Where the hell are you?”

“I’m on my way to college! Can you believe that I’m coming back to Jersey?! Gerard’s on the bus with me! We’re going to the same college! I can’t wait to see you again, we should get together as soon as I have a free weekend, all right?!”, she yelled.

“Uhm, but why are you going to college? You’re the same age as me.”, I said, my voice filled with confusion.

“I didn’t want to go back to school, so I finished school over the post! Now I’m off to college! Isn’t that amazing?!”

“Yeah, it is. Listen, I’m kinda busy right now, actually, I’ll talk to you later.”, I said, my mind clouded with worry.

“Sure. Love ya!”, she yelled loudly, and hung up.
“Who was that?”, Amber asked when I closed my phone.

“Lynn-Z.”, I said.

“What the hell does Thing want?”, Amber asked scathingly.

“She called to tell me that she’s off to college, in Jersey. The same college as Gee. They’re on the same bus.”, I answered numbly.

“How’s that possible? She’s the same age as us.”, Chelsea said confused.

“I know. She says she didn’t want to go back to school, so she finished it over the post, and now – now, she’s with him.”, I stammered, and started shaking when I saw them share worried looks.

“Look, hon. Don’t worry about her. Gee loves YOU. He won’t leave you for her.”, Amber said, trying to reassure me.

“But – he left her for me. Why wouldn’t he do it again, this time the other way around?”, I asked, staring blankly at nothing in particular.

“Because he loves you.”, Kate said forcefully.

Just then my phone rang again, this time it was Gerard. Amber leaned over me to see who was calling, and she sat back, her arms folded over her chest, glaring at my phone.

“This, had better be good.”, she muttered.

“Hey.”, I answered, praying silently that my voice wouldn’t crack.

“Hey sugar, what are you up to?”, Gerard asked calmly.

“Having a girl’s night. Where are you?”, I asked.

“We’re filling up on petrol. Listen, Lynz is dying to see you again, and asked me to ask you if she can come with me this weekend to visit you.”, Gerard said.

My heart started beating frantically as my hands started sweating. I was having trouble breathing, and tried to calm down.

“Uh, sure. Sure she can.”, I replied nervously.

Not good. Not good at all.

“Thanks, sugar. I’ll call you again when we get there. Love you.”, he said.

“Okay, I love you, too.”, I said softly, and hung up.

“What the hell did you just promise him?”, Amber demanded.

“She wants to see me again, and asked Gee to ask me if she can come with him to visit this weekend.”, I explained.

“And you said YES?! Are you out of your mind?!”, she exclaimed angrily.

“Jeez, Amber, calm down.”, Chelsea said.

“Yes.”, Amber said, taking deep breaths.

“Let’s just watch another movie. Chels, I think it’s time for the alcohol.”, Kate said, trying to calm the tension in the air.

“Good idea. Luckily we bought a lot. Put on another chick flick. We can watch a horror an hour before midnight, that way it will be more scary.”, Chelsea said with a devilish grin.

A few minutes later she came back, armed with five bottles of Demerara River rum, and handed each of us a shooter glass. She sat down, putting the bottles carefully on the mattress.

“All right, girlfriend, fill up.”, Amber said, holding out her glass.

Chelsea filled our glasses and for the next ten minutes we just downed them, filling up again.

“Let’s start the movie.”, Kate said, giggling.

Amber hit the play button again, and we watched Titanic. By the end of five of the chick flicks we had finished three of the bottles and were giggling like a bunch of idiots.

“Come on, let’s watch The Ring, it’s an hour before midnight.”, Kate said excitedly.

“Chels, is your grandfather clock winded? Because I swear, if it’s gonna go off at midnight, I’m gonna scream my head off.”, I threatened, filling another shooter.

“No, it’s not. But we’re gonna scream with you. Let’s turn off the lights, then it’ll be more scary.”, Chelsea said, standing up and turning off the lights.

“Okay Amber, do your thing.”, Irena said, her voice nervous.

I clutched her hand tightly, we were both terrified of horror movies. Chelsea had gone to get more bottles, and now we were drinking vodka. I prayed that I would pass out before the end of the movie as the credits came on.

“I’m going to have so many nightmares of this.”, Irena whispered.
“I know, me too. But maybe we’ll be lucky and won’t remember anything we did or watched.”, I whispered hopefully.

“I hope so.”, she whispered back.

“Would you two shut it?”, Amber whispered, and we stopped whispering.

After the part where the phone rang and Naomi Watts answered it, my phone rang loudly, and we all screamed, clutching at each other. We stared at each other, our eyes wide with fear while a scary song played.

“You should answer it.”, Chelsea whispered.

“Are you out of your mind?! What if the person says “You have seven days”? I will die!”, I whispered furiously.

“Just check who it is then!”, Amber said, pausing the movie.

“Fine.”, I sighed, grabbing my phone from behind the mattress.

“H-hello?”, I stammered.

“I said check, not answer!”, Amber screamed, trying to pull the phone away from me.

“Sugar? Who’s yelling like that?”, I heard Gerard’s beautiful voice say over the phone.

“Oh, Gee! Thank goodness it’s you. It’s Amber, we’re watching The Ring, and were just at the part where she answered the phone, and then you called, and now we’re scared.”, I said, and started to sob while I laughed hysterically.

“Are – are you drunk?”, Gerard asked incredulously.

“Yeah.”, I answered between gasps.

“How much did you drink?”, he demanded.

“Uhm, I’m not sure. We finished three bottles rum, and we’ve just finished another two bottles vodka.”, I said.

“Shell, we’ve finished all the rum.”, Kate yelled loud enough for Gerard to hear.

“How many bottles were there? And who is with you?”, Gerard asked.

“Uhm, five bottles plus the two bottles we’ve already had, so that makes, uhm, seven, and then we still have three bottles vodka left, and it’s me and the girls.”, I answered.

“Five of you, and you have finished SEVEN bottles of alcohol?!!!”, he yelled suddenly.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with it?”, I asked confused.

“What’s wrong with it is you can get alcohol poisoning! Listen, I have to go, but call me tomorrow, no, later today when you’re sober so I can know you’re all right, okay?”, he said, his voice filled with worry.

“Okay. I love you.”, I promised.

“I love you too, sugar.”, he said, and hung up.

“Is he very angry?”, Irena asked when I turned back to them.

“Yip. But he’ll just have to get over it again. Let’s finish the movie.”, I said.

Amber hit play again, and we watched the movie, and fell asleep after finishing the fourth bottle while watching The Exorcist.

“Oh, man.”, I groaned a few hours later when the sun was streaming through the open windows.

I had a splitting headache, and my stomach was feeling queasy. I sat up slowly, and bolted for the bathroom, making it just in time. I emptied everything that I had consumed the day before, and lay my head on the cold tiles. It helped for my headache a bit, and I decided to send Gerard a message to tell him I’m okay. He called me a few seconds later.

“Hey sugar, how are you feeling?”, he asked when I answered.

“Well, apart from the throbbing headache, I’m feeling okay. What’s college like?”, I whispered.

“It’s okay. A bit boring. We’re receiving our books and stuff today, and tomorrow our classes start. Drink some Grandpa for your headache, it’ll help.”, he said just as Chelsea rushed into the room.

I moved just in time, and she leaned over the toilet, her body heaving. I could feel my head spinning at the sounds, my eyes blurred.

“Babe, you still there? Are you all right? What’s those noises?”, Gerard asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Its just Chels, emptying her stomach.”, I whispered hoarsely.

“Oh, well, tell them we all say good luck with their hangovers. I have to go now. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”, he said.

“I love you, too.”, I replied softly.

“Come on, Gee, baby, we’re gonna be late!”, I recognized Lynn-Z’s voice.

“Shut up, Lynz.”, he snapped before I hung up.

The blood had drained out of my face, and my phone fell out of my hand, clattering to the floor. Chelsea looked up from where she had been resting her head against the wall, her faze questioning.

“She’s with him.”, I mumbled.

“What?!”, Chelsea yelled.

I clutched my head, groaning when it throbbed at her outburst.

“Oh, sorry. Let’s dress and we’ll go for some breakfast. I’ll wake the other two.”, Chelsea suggested, standing up.

I nodded and got up to wash my face. My face was pale and my eyes shining with unshed tears. I took a deep breath and went back down to the den. No one said anything about Gerard, only throwing me sympathetic looks, although Amber looked like she was ready to commit a murder. We dressed quickly, and drove to the nearest restaurant.

We went back to Chelsea’s house to collect our stuff, and I quickly slipped the last three bottles vodka into my bag before they came in. I had a feeling that I was going to need it. We were all sitting in the kitchen, and I pretended that I had forgotten my jersey in Chelsea’s room. I walked up the stairs and placed a 50 dollar note on her pillow for the liquor I had taken. I walked quickly back down the stairs.

“Thanks Chels, it was great. We should do it again sometime.”, Kate said when we stopped at her house.

“Yeah, whenever one of our parents’ are out of town.”, Chelsea replied.

“Bye guys. I’ll see you when I see you.”, she called through the open car window.

“Kate, we’ve been thinking to have a beach party when the boys come to visit this weekend, but it’s a surprise!”, Amber called.

Kate nodded, waved, and we drove off to Irena’s house, then Amber’s and then mine. It was a bit awkward in the car, this morning in the bathroom still fresh in my mind.

“I just want you to know, that if he hurts you, I’ll be there for you.”, Chelsea said quietly after a while.

“Thanks, Chels. I appreciate that. I’ll see you soon, and thanks for the girls night, I really enjoyed it.”, I said quickly, before she could go any deeper, and jumped out of the car, carefully taking out my bag.

“Bye, Shell!”, she called as she drove off.

I walked up the stairs to my room, the silence echoing in the house. My parents were both at work, and Kevin was at college in New York. I took the bottles out and hid it behind my closet where I knew no one ever looked, and fell down on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

XXX

“Gee is coming, Gee is coming!”, my cell phone’s alarm rang ten o’ clock the Friday morning.

I had totally forgotten that I had recorded that, and smacked my phone off of my bedside table, pulling the covers over my head. We hadn’t talked again once for the rest of the week, he had just sent me a text message to say that he was sorry but he was very busy and that he couldn’t call for the rest of the week and that he would see me on Friday. I groaned and threw the covers off the bed, jumping up and kicking my phone away from me. I had never thought that it would hurt so much, not hearing from him for an entire week.

“I hate men.”, I mumbled under my breath, getting into the shower.

An hour and a half later I got out, wrapped the towel around me and blow dried my hair, letting it wave gently down my back. I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans, a hot pink shirt and slipped my feet into a pair of white pumps. I didn’t bother putting on any make up, except lip gloss, knowing that I would probably cry it all off in any case.

“Hey Amber.”, I answered my phone just as I finished dressing.

“Hey girl. I just wanted to remind you to pack your picnic basket for tonight. We’re going to ride in Chelsea’s dad’s SUV, and pick you up, okay? In about an hour or so.”, Amber said.

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”, I replied.

“How’s it going with you and Gee?”, she asked.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”, I sighed while I walked down to the kitchen.

“We’ll think of something, I promise. I have to go finish the basket now, see you in a hour.”, she said and hung up.

I quickly packed the basket, filling it with packs of strawberries and bottles of cream. We had each decided on something romantic to bring tonight. A while later I heard a car horn honk, and picked up the basket, dashing out of the front door.

“Hey, you look great.”, Irena said when I got in next to her.

“Thanks. So do you.”, I replied as we drove off to Kate’s house.

We had decided to put the baskets at her house until it was time for us to go get the guys at their parents’ houses, when they didn’t have all their luggage and stuff with them. I was busy wondering where Lynn-Z was going to stay when I got a text message from Mikey.

“Don’t worry about Lynn-Z, she’s staying at an aunt’s house for the weekend. She’s gonna hang with us tomorrow. Love ya.”, I read, and sighed softly with relief.

At least she wasn’t going to spoil tonight for any of us.

‘She can still do that, even if she isn’t physically there. You already have the seed of doubt in your mind.’, my subconscious reminded me.

‘I know that, but I’m hoping for the best.’, I argued back, making her shut up.

The next few hours passed quickly as we waited for the guys to get home, passing the time by playing cards and drinking coffee. I saw them looking at the clock on the wall every few minutes, and actually felt jealous that they were so sure about their boyfriends when I was so unsure.

‘And with good reason. You don’t know what Lynn-Z has been saying to him the whole week, or what they’ve been doing.’, it taunted me.

Images of them together flashed in my mind, and I had trouble keeping back the sobs. I blinked my eyes a few times, successfully getting rid of the tears that smarted in my eyes.

“Guys, it’s time.”, Chelsea whispered after a while.

We stood up quietly and walked to the SUV, carrying the baskets in our hands. There were nervous butterflies in my stomach as we drove to Gerard and Mikey’s house. We had asked them all to be there so that we didn’t have to make too many detours. Chelsea, Amber, Irena and Kate were all bouncing excitedly up and down in their seats.

“Amber!”, Frankie yelled when he saw us turn into the driveway.

He had been standing on the porch, pacing impatiently. We had barely stopped when Amber jumped out and ran to Frankie, throwing herself into his arms. Chelsea, Irena and Kate followed close behind, their own boyfriends running out of the house. I got out reluctantly just as Gerard came out of the house as well. His face seemed to brighten when he saw me, and he walked quicker. My heartbeat sped up at the sight of him. I never knew a week could feel this long. I ran to him when he opened his arms, and he crushed me in a hug, my tears soaking his shirt.

“I’ve missed you so much.”, I whispered, leaning my head against his chest, listening to his heart beat.

“I’ve missed you, too.”, he said, and I lifted my head for a kiss.

He kissed me softly, and pulled away to stare into my eyes.

“Are you guys ready to go?”, Irena asked after everyone had finished greeting each other.

We nodded and got into the car, blindfolding the guys before driving to the beach. We left in the car while we set everything up, taking turns to stand guard to make sure that they didn’t peek.

“Okay, Shell, we’re ready for them!”, Chelsea called after a while when it was my turn to stand guard.

“Girls are so weird sometimes.”, I heard Bob mumble to Ray.

I led them to where we had set up everything, and we took off their blindfolds. It looked pretty amazing, with the big blanket and strawberries with whipped cream, crystal goblets from Amber’s house with champagne, the bonfire ready to be lit with the sea as the background setting.

“Looks amazing girls.”, Mikey exclaimed, kissing Chelsea sweetly, while the other guys murmured their agreement.

We walked to the blanket and sat down, each couple busy with their own thing. Amber and Frankie were making out as if the world was ending tomorrow, Mikey and Chelsea were busy staring into each other’s eyes like love struck puppies, Bob and Irena were giving each other sweet kisses every few minutes, and Ray and Kate were feeding each other some of the berries.

“How was your week?”, I asked awkwardly, looking at my hand that was busy shifting the sand through my fingers.

“Busy. I never knew college was such hard work.”, Gerard said.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he stared at the sea. I could feel this big gap between us, and I had no way of overcoming it. I just didn’t know how to, and it was scaring me.

“Gee?”, I asked hesitantly, waiting until I had his full attention.

“What is it, sugar?”, he asked, trying to decipher my expression as he stared at me.

“Do – do you still love me?”, I blurted out, looking down.

“Of course I do.”, he replied.

I looked up and stared into his eyes, but I couldn’t detect even a hint that he was lying to me. My palms were sweating with nervousness, and I had to dry them on my jeans continuously.

“Then why does it feel as if there’s this big gap between us?”, I asked softly.

“I don’t know.”, he sighed, his shoulders sagging.

“I don’t want to lose you.”, I whispered urgently.

“As long as you love me, I’ll be here.”, Gerard said.

I guess I had to be satisfied with that for now. I didn’t want to ruin our evening together, and I had to make sure that I never made him feel smothered, because that will be when Lynn-Z will get her claws on him.

The rest of the evening we chatted quietly, and later when it got darker, the guys lit the bonfire, and we sat around it, each guy holding his girl close as we talked about our futures.

Amber and Frankie were determined to get married, as well as the rest of them. When they asked me and Gerard, we just shrugged, uncomfortable with the subject as we didn’t know how long our relationship still had before it crumpled.