The Black parade

"Virgil? What if I don't pass my judgment?"

Virgil didn't respond, he was too busy keeping the parade in beat.

"Virgil, what if I can't do this? What if I fail the next one, and the next one...?"

He still ignored me, his eyes staring blankly straight forward, as if in a trance.

"Forget it, not even my father gave a damn about my opinion, so why should you?"

"Almost there young master! I'm sure you'll recognize where we are in a few moments!"

A small house came into view, my old house where my mother lived. I hadn't been in there since I was dying from cancer!

"What are we doing here?! I'm not going in there! I'll be damned if I have to see what is waiting inside for me! I've already been beaten to a pulp!" I protested.

Virgil calmly placed a hand on my shoulder, "Relax my boy! No violence awaits you in that house, only sad memories, and a good-bye you never gave your family when you had the chance! Go now, make peace with them!"

His haughty words encouraged me, I did want to see what I could do to make a slight difference of things. I nodded and slowly walked to the front porch.
I walked up to the old wooden door and was about to open it, when my younger brother stormed out of the house, passing through me as though I were a ghost.

He went to sit on a tree stump in the front yard, and put his face in his hands. He began to weep bitterly. My youngest sister followed, walking to the stump to comfort my brother.

I gulped and entered the house. The house was dimly lit, the old grandfather clock still sat proud and ancient in the living room. I made my way upstairs, where I could hear talking.

"Please, just turn away...please" I could hear a weak voice plead.

I walked up the stairs and entered my old childhood bedroom. I saw Grace, sitting by my right, my mother on my left. My younger sister was at the foot of the bed, trying not to stare at my gaunt form in the bed. My hair was thin and wispy, my face ashen and sweaty, my eyes sunken in their sockets.

My dying body began to cough weakly, then more forcefully, my mother putting a white hanker chief to my mouth, the blood I coughed up staining it a reddish brown.

I watched myself turn to Grace, "Could you get me a drink of water? My lips feel chapped and faded..."

My voice was hollow and weak, like the sound of a wind blowing in the trees.

I then turned to my mother, "Call Aunt Marie, help her gather all my things...and when I die, you can bury me in all my favorite colors.."

My mother let out a soft sob, but nodded that she understood.

My sister rose to her feet suddenly, moving to the bed, but I had halted her advance with a shaky twig like hand, "No..I will not kiss you, none of my sisters or my brother...still...I will...not kiss you."

My sister whimpered in protest, "And why not?!"

"Cause...the hardest part of this..is leaving you..." I had rasped...talking taking an effort.

My brother came back into the house, I could hear him slamming the front door. I heard his footsteps as he came upstairs and into the bedroom doorway, where he stood silently....and stared sadly at me.

"Turn away...! Please...I'm awful just to see!" I shrieked, followed by violent coughing and more blood.

"Look at me! All my hair is bending and falling out....oh God...my agony...I can't take this anymore..just let me die already!"

Grace took my fragile hand in her and held it tight, "I wish we could be married.." she whispered.

"Can't...now...you all should know by now..especially you mother..." I gave her a weak smile, "That I will never marry...."

Grace sighed, trying to hide her crying.

I had looked at her sadly, "Baby..I'm just...soggy...from the chemo....it's just the chemo. I'm counting down the days to go....this life..it just ain't living...and...and.."

My voice trailed for a moment.."Grace...I'll understand..that if you say....good-bye today...I only ask you to be true...cause..cause..."

I let out a sharp scream....Grace had been gripping my hand so firmly, that when I uttered those words, she instinctively squeezed, breaking my fragile hand in two places unintentionally.

I now looked down at my own hand, the pain returning...aching..throbbing..nonstop.

I couldn't take it anymore, "Please! Don't leave me! Stay! Don't leave! Please, I need you...all of you!" I screamed, knowing they couldn't' hear or see me.

At this point, they had all left the room, to leave me to slowly fade..until I went into cardiac arrest for the first time...then the ambulance took me to the hospital, to spend the last of my day there to die.

But they stayed! They all sat back down..and they stayed. My mother fetched some gauze and bandaged and swathed my broken hand gently and lovingly.

I gaped at the scene...how could my silent screaming change that?

The house suddenly disappeared, my family and Grace swirled away in a whirlwind.

"Where did they go?! Bring them back!" I demanded.

Virgil was waiting for me, "Sorry son, but you did what you had to do, even as small as it seems, you made a slight difference."

"What difference did I make?!"

"They stayed..because you asked them to, because they loved you. A phoenix has to die...before it can be reborn.." he said softly, gently guiding me back to the front of the parade.

"Do you feel any different?" he asked me.

"Not really, my hand hurts again..."

"Good..what does not kill us..only makes us stranger..." he said with a smile.