Fortuitous
Kisses
I thought I had forgotten how to live until I was allowed to go home.
Brian had let me go home and he was fine when he made the decision.
But I couldn't imagine the hell going through his mind when he packed my bags in the car.
His face held a plethora of emotions.
Anger. Sadness. Jealousy. Hate. Confusion.
Chaos and upheaval. Anarchy and compulsion.
But his- and my mother's – words were spoken.
We had our collusion: I wouldn't speak a word of his hands and he would allow me to sleep in my own bed.
The car ride home was silent.
His face was calm and his hands were relaxed on the steering wheel.
My head was resting against the window as I watched the scenery pass me by.
A month really changes a person. I couldn't help but think about it.
This has happened four times before.
I stay the night at Brian's house. The night turns into a week. Week turns to month.
He beats me down to my vulnerable and submissive point.
And I stay there, at that hopelessly pathetic point and I forget what life is.
And I have to learn how to live on my own all over again.
When I'm permitted to go home again.
As much as I enjoyed being home was again, I couldn't help but feel hurt when he barely gave me a kiss goodbye.
It was a small peck on the cheek. Barely a touch. Barely a kiss.
I stared over at him, waiting for something more to come. Another kiss.
He stared back at me with a blank expression on his beautiful face.
He reached over to me and my heart raced in anticipation and fear.
He unbuckled my seatbelt, leaned over me, and opened the car door. He popped open the truck with a push of the button.
"Welcome home," he said as he turned to look out the window.
"Baby," I started uncertainly.
"You wanted this, so go," he whispered.
I licked my lips as I stared over him. I looked away before I nodded.
I turned away to get out of the car. I walked over to the trunk to grab my dark purple suitcase and my black backpack.
I was about to walk into my home without even saying goodbye when I decided to turn back around.
I placed my bags in the sidewalk and I walked over into the street to stand by the driver's side window.
He rolled down the window after I knocked on it. I leaned down to look at him.
He ignored me for a second before looking over me with his harsh eyes.
"I'll see you at school, baby."
He blinked.
I licked my lips.
He turned away.
"I love you, Brian."
He quickly unbuckled his seatbelt.
I took a step back, expecting him to open his door but he never did.
He crawled out his window and leaned out through it to grab my face in my hands and pull me down to kiss me.
I wrapped my arms around neck to pull him closer to me.
He hurt me beyond belief but I had to admit, he gave the best kisses.
I admit he was the only boy I had ever kiss, but I believed that no other person could leave kisses like his could.
He pulled away from me to rest his forehead on mine.
"Best kiss of my life," I smiled.
"Best kiss of your life so far. We have plenty of time for more," he grinned with his eyes closed.
My smile slowly faded at thought of being with him forever.
More pain. More kisses. More showers. More chocolate. More Sull'aria. More yelling.
I had no idea if I would be able to handle that life.
I patted his head uncertainly before pulling away.
He had to put his hands on the door to brace himself.
"Bye, love," I said softly.
"Bye, sweetness," he said with a smile.
I felt my eye twitch and my fists clench at the name. I hoped he didn't notice.
I licked my lips before walking around the front of the car.
I grabbed my bags before walking to the front of my house, up the porch, and to the door.
I knocked three times. I didn't smile when I heard my dogs barking at the sudden sound.
My smile was forced when my mother greeted me, a book in her hand.
She waved Brian away as she pulled me in.
He didn't drive away until I was inside.
I did not look back.
I don't hate things. I can dislike them, but I don't hate them.
But that was the one exception.
He said he knew everything there was about me.
But apparently there was one thing he didn't know about me.
I hate the name sweetness.
Brian had let me go home and he was fine when he made the decision.
But I couldn't imagine the hell going through his mind when he packed my bags in the car.
His face held a plethora of emotions.
Anger. Sadness. Jealousy. Hate. Confusion.
Chaos and upheaval. Anarchy and compulsion.
But his- and my mother's – words were spoken.
We had our collusion: I wouldn't speak a word of his hands and he would allow me to sleep in my own bed.
The car ride home was silent.
His face was calm and his hands were relaxed on the steering wheel.
My head was resting against the window as I watched the scenery pass me by.
A month really changes a person. I couldn't help but think about it.
This has happened four times before.
I stay the night at Brian's house. The night turns into a week. Week turns to month.
He beats me down to my vulnerable and submissive point.
And I stay there, at that hopelessly pathetic point and I forget what life is.
And I have to learn how to live on my own all over again.
When I'm permitted to go home again.
As much as I enjoyed being home was again, I couldn't help but feel hurt when he barely gave me a kiss goodbye.
It was a small peck on the cheek. Barely a touch. Barely a kiss.
I stared over at him, waiting for something more to come. Another kiss.
He stared back at me with a blank expression on his beautiful face.
He reached over to me and my heart raced in anticipation and fear.
He unbuckled my seatbelt, leaned over me, and opened the car door. He popped open the truck with a push of the button.
"Welcome home," he said as he turned to look out the window.
"Baby," I started uncertainly.
"You wanted this, so go," he whispered.
I licked my lips as I stared over him. I looked away before I nodded.
I turned away to get out of the car. I walked over to the trunk to grab my dark purple suitcase and my black backpack.
I was about to walk into my home without even saying goodbye when I decided to turn back around.
I placed my bags in the sidewalk and I walked over into the street to stand by the driver's side window.
He rolled down the window after I knocked on it. I leaned down to look at him.
He ignored me for a second before looking over me with his harsh eyes.
"I'll see you at school, baby."
He blinked.
I licked my lips.
He turned away.
"I love you, Brian."
He quickly unbuckled his seatbelt.
I took a step back, expecting him to open his door but he never did.
He crawled out his window and leaned out through it to grab my face in my hands and pull me down to kiss me.
I wrapped my arms around neck to pull him closer to me.
He hurt me beyond belief but I had to admit, he gave the best kisses.
I admit he was the only boy I had ever kiss, but I believed that no other person could leave kisses like his could.
He pulled away from me to rest his forehead on mine.
"Best kiss of my life," I smiled.
"Best kiss of your life so far. We have plenty of time for more," he grinned with his eyes closed.
My smile slowly faded at thought of being with him forever.
More pain. More kisses. More showers. More chocolate. More Sull'aria. More yelling.
I had no idea if I would be able to handle that life.
I patted his head uncertainly before pulling away.
He had to put his hands on the door to brace himself.
"Bye, love," I said softly.
"Bye, sweetness," he said with a smile.
I felt my eye twitch and my fists clench at the name. I hoped he didn't notice.
I licked my lips before walking around the front of the car.
I grabbed my bags before walking to the front of my house, up the porch, and to the door.
I knocked three times. I didn't smile when I heard my dogs barking at the sudden sound.
My smile was forced when my mother greeted me, a book in her hand.
She waved Brian away as she pulled me in.
He didn't drive away until I was inside.
I did not look back.
I don't hate things. I can dislike them, but I don't hate them.
But that was the one exception.
He said he knew everything there was about me.
But apparently there was one thing he didn't know about me.
I hate the name sweetness.