Fortuitous
Stupid
A few days passed
When my brother finally returned.
No words were exchanged
But the air was tense,
Almost as if
Everybody expected it
To happen all over again.
Apparently,
It became a common affair
For everyone in the house
To ignore each other
And pretend that nobody existed
And we all were fine.
The day my brother came back,
I was sitting in my room.
The front door slammed shut
And I could hear him stomp
Back into his room
Where he belonged.
The house was still.
But then my door opened
And my brother leaned
Against the door,
Uncomfortably and
Hesitantly.
I turned away from my books
To look up at the boy
Who ignored me for years
And was more of a stranger to me
Than a brother.
“Your boyfriend hits you, doesn’t he?”
I’m not sure what I did
But I remember him flinching-
Something he never did-
And slightly lean back
Out of my room.
And I remember nodding
And looking away.
“Are you going to tell them?”
“No.”
The air in the room was stifling.
Outside, the sun was glaring down
And the rain clouds were rolling in,
As if the sky was telling us
To live in the heat
And be trapped in the rain
And suffer.
“Why not?”
“You remember what Dad said
about boys?”
“Yes.”
“That’s why it has to be you to tell him.”
When I was younger,
When I finally showed interest in boys,
My dad took me for a drive in the mountains.
The windows were rolled down
And I smiled up at the sun.
He pulled over at the side of the road
And we sat in the dirt
With our feet hanging over the edge
And only a small rail to keep us
From falling.
And my dad told me,
“Boys are stupid.”
“Boys only think of themselves.
Boys will break your heart.
They’ll break your mind.
And they can break your body.
“It’s one thing to have your heart broken.
But if a boy ever touches you
In a way that hurts you,
You tell me.
And I’ll hunt him down.
“But…
“I hope you never have to.
You’re smart.
You wouldn’t land yourself
With a boy who hits you.
“Boys are stupid.
But you aren’t.”
Every single time Brian hit me,
I could hear my dad’s voice
In my head telling me that
Boys are stupid.
But so was I.
So when I looked up at my brother
And said,
“That’s why I can’t tell him”
He only sighed and
Took out a pack of cigarettes
And gingerly placed them
On my dresser.
He turned and was across the hall
Before he turned back
And walked all the way
Into my room -
Another something
He never did -
Before saying,
“Boys are stupid.
And so are girls.
I’m not going to see
My little sister
Land herself in the hospital.
If you don’t tell Mom and Dad
The truth,
I will.
“And if I find out
That he hit you again,
I’m going to kill him.”
And then he turned from
A stranger
Into a brother.
When my brother finally returned.
No words were exchanged
But the air was tense,
Almost as if
Everybody expected it
To happen all over again.
Apparently,
It became a common affair
For everyone in the house
To ignore each other
And pretend that nobody existed
And we all were fine.
The day my brother came back,
I was sitting in my room.
The front door slammed shut
And I could hear him stomp
Back into his room
Where he belonged.
The house was still.
But then my door opened
And my brother leaned
Against the door,
Uncomfortably and
Hesitantly.
I turned away from my books
To look up at the boy
Who ignored me for years
And was more of a stranger to me
Than a brother.
“Your boyfriend hits you, doesn’t he?”
I’m not sure what I did
But I remember him flinching-
Something he never did-
And slightly lean back
Out of my room.
And I remember nodding
And looking away.
“Are you going to tell them?”
“No.”
The air in the room was stifling.
Outside, the sun was glaring down
And the rain clouds were rolling in,
As if the sky was telling us
To live in the heat
And be trapped in the rain
And suffer.
“Why not?”
“You remember what Dad said
about boys?”
“Yes.”
“That’s why it has to be you to tell him.”
When I was younger,
When I finally showed interest in boys,
My dad took me for a drive in the mountains.
The windows were rolled down
And I smiled up at the sun.
He pulled over at the side of the road
And we sat in the dirt
With our feet hanging over the edge
And only a small rail to keep us
From falling.
And my dad told me,
“Boys are stupid.”
“Boys only think of themselves.
Boys will break your heart.
They’ll break your mind.
And they can break your body.
“It’s one thing to have your heart broken.
But if a boy ever touches you
In a way that hurts you,
You tell me.
And I’ll hunt him down.
“But…
“I hope you never have to.
You’re smart.
You wouldn’t land yourself
With a boy who hits you.
“Boys are stupid.
But you aren’t.”
Every single time Brian hit me,
I could hear my dad’s voice
In my head telling me that
Boys are stupid.
But so was I.
So when I looked up at my brother
And said,
“That’s why I can’t tell him”
He only sighed and
Took out a pack of cigarettes
And gingerly placed them
On my dresser.
He turned and was across the hall
Before he turned back
And walked all the way
Into my room -
Another something
He never did -
Before saying,
“Boys are stupid.
And so are girls.
I’m not going to see
My little sister
Land herself in the hospital.
If you don’t tell Mom and Dad
The truth,
I will.
“And if I find out
That he hit you again,
I’m going to kill him.”
And then he turned from
A stranger
Into a brother.