Fortuitous

My parents found out
That my brother started smoking
When the doctor told them
The reason I coughed
And coughed
And coughed
Until the day I scared everyone
By falling to the floor
Was due to asthma
Caused by secondhand smoke.

They were
Furious.

He did not
Care.

He kept smoking.
I kept coughing.

He would put that little white stick
Between his lips
And suck the death out.

I would put that little piece of plastic
Between my teeth
And suck the life in.

Anything to make us feel
A little more
Alive.

That wretched smell
Was what made me
Promise myself that I
Would never smoke cigarettes.

But that little white box was
Oh so tempting.

The scrape of the paper
On the box
As I slid a cigarette out
Was deafening.

I put that little white stick
Between my lips.

And it was oh so
Calming.

No more crying.
No more screaming.
No more lying.
No more showers.

No more Brian.

I didn't even need
To inhale
To feel so alive.