Fortuitous
The Smell of Chlorine
2,920 times.
He hit me four times a day.
Every day.
For the past year.
He apologized two times after he did it.
He gave me that same promise once every time.
That was on a good day.
That means,
On average,
He said that he was sorry
2,920 times in one year.
That means he's said
he'd never do it again
1,460 times.
I remember the first time he ever hit me.
It was on his 15th birthday party.
His friend Adam had never met me before.
We were in his pool.
Just swimming.
"You too cute for my boy. Go out with a real man."
He put his arm around me.
He was laughing.
It was a joke.
His boy didn't find it funny.
He jumped in the pool,
Punched Adam in the face,
And held his head under the water.
I had to start screaming
To make him stop.
He pulled me by my arm
Out of the pool and
Into his house.
He lived in a house that had a
Glass wall that faced the backyard.
The room that had the glass wall was the kitchen.
It had blue tiles.
His father always had the air conditioner on
To keep the house freezing.
My hair curled together from the sudden coolness.
The beads of water rolled off my goosebumps and onto the floor.
I could smell the chlorine radiate off my body.
He held my arm tightly as he pulled me into the dining room.
The smell of chocolate was on his breath.
The water on his hair fell on to my face.
He was angry.
And then it happened.
His palm to my face.
For the first time.
"You look like a slut in that suit."
"It's no wonder he hit on you."
"You just want to get rid of me."
All I could do was stare at him.
It took him a moment to realize what he did.
It took him another to realize he still had my arm.
He let go of me.
He hugged me.
And then came the apologies
And promises that would
Forever
Continue.
I never went swimming at his house,
Willingly, again.
I never saw Adam again.
I wasn't allowed to wear that swim suit again.
I never mentioned it to him,
To anybody,
Ever.
I was thirteen.
He hit me four times a day.
Every day.
For the past year.
He apologized two times after he did it.
He gave me that same promise once every time.
That was on a good day.
That means,
On average,
He said that he was sorry
2,920 times in one year.
That means he's said
he'd never do it again
1,460 times.
I remember the first time he ever hit me.
It was on his 15th birthday party.
His friend Adam had never met me before.
We were in his pool.
Just swimming.
"You too cute for my boy. Go out with a real man."
He put his arm around me.
He was laughing.
It was a joke.
His boy didn't find it funny.
He jumped in the pool,
Punched Adam in the face,
And held his head under the water.
I had to start screaming
To make him stop.
He pulled me by my arm
Out of the pool and
Into his house.
He lived in a house that had a
Glass wall that faced the backyard.
The room that had the glass wall was the kitchen.
It had blue tiles.
His father always had the air conditioner on
To keep the house freezing.
My hair curled together from the sudden coolness.
The beads of water rolled off my goosebumps and onto the floor.
I could smell the chlorine radiate off my body.
He held my arm tightly as he pulled me into the dining room.
The smell of chocolate was on his breath.
The water on his hair fell on to my face.
He was angry.
And then it happened.
His palm to my face.
For the first time.
"You look like a slut in that suit."
"It's no wonder he hit on you."
"You just want to get rid of me."
All I could do was stare at him.
It took him a moment to realize what he did.
It took him another to realize he still had my arm.
He let go of me.
He hugged me.
And then came the apologies
And promises that would
Forever
Continue.
I never went swimming at his house,
Willingly, again.
I never saw Adam again.
I wasn't allowed to wear that swim suit again.
I never mentioned it to him,
To anybody,
Ever.
I was thirteen.