Your Hand in Mine

I couldn't look him in the eyes. Too nervous to see his expression, to know what he thought of what could have happened earlier. We shouldn't be acting like this. I shouldn't be feeling these ways. I shouldn't have these thoughts. It's Gabe for christ sake! He's my best friend! I don't know if I'm trying to stress it for others or for myself that this isn't real. Either way, I think I'm failing.

"We are going to have to talk sometime." Gabe said, crashing on my bed with an 'mmph.'

"Ye-yeah." I stuttered.

Silence filled the room. My thoughts were racing about how he looks cute when he's nervous, the way his eyes are filled with such focus when he's thinking hard about something, the way he taps his fingers in a rythmic beauty when hes stressed and anxious. He looked over at me, catching my stare, and I immediatly turned away, blushing. A low chuckle erupted from his lips.

"You're cute when your nervous." He almost whispered but said loud enough that I could hear him.

I began blushing. Why am I feeling this way? Why all the sudden?
"Why did we almost kiss? It's crazy, Gabe. We're best friends."

"...they always say best friends make the best companions."

"They also say that you're not supposed to fall in love with your best friends." I told him, biting on the inside of my lip.

"Stop doing that. It's such a bad habit!" He said, noticing me biting my inner lip.

It was a nasty habit because I'd do it until there was sores and cuts. I've did it ever since I was little, and he figured that part out fast. When I get really nervous or stressed, I bite my inner lip.

" Why should it matter who you fall in love?" Gabe asked.

I shrugged, "But when it risks friendship."

"Look, it's not like we are dating or anything. We just got caught up in the moment. I mean, I found out that maybe you used to like me. I know I...liked you, alot back then. I just, I guess maybe wanted to see if anything was there." He said in a more nervous voice than I'd ever heard before.

"Yeah, agreed. So it didn't mean much?" I said with a little bit of relief and a little bit of pain.

Maybe I wanted it to mean something.

"No, no...it..didn't. Hey, how about we get some sleep? We have a long day tomorrow."

I nodded and turned the out lamp that filtered the only light in the room and snuggled under the covers. He curled up on the the side of the bed, and I slowly drifted asleep.

Maybe I've always felt this way.

And then that is when Williams words flashed back in my mind.

I've wanted to be with you as long as I can remember, but you were always off limits."

"How?"

"You were Gabes property pretty much. Everyone knew it. Every fucking one knows how you love Gabe! How Gabe loves you! After a while..it seemed more than just brotherly or sisterly or just friends- you made yourselves in to a couple and no one was able to come in. We couldn't even be better friends.

I pushed the thought away and snuggled deeper in to the warm mattress and blankets, soon falling asleep.