What I Go To School For

KRISTIN’S P.O.V.

One month later…

Bleck, bleck, bleb, bleb, bleb, whoosh!

Those are the sounds that my vomit has been making and the toilet being flushed, for the past couple of weeks. I laid my head against the toilet seat and took a breath. Inhale. Exhale. Those were my only thoughts. I tried no to think about puking, when…

Bleb, bleb, bluck!

…I ralphed everywhere.

I don’t know what is going on. I was just sitting at the dinner table, eating a tuna sandwich when…

Bluck! Ugh, bleb, bleb, bleb!

Okay, so thinking about the sandwich makes me puke too. I was feeling fine two weeks ago and thought that this morning I would be better. I hadn’t puked all day, till the… You know. I sat up and wiped the tears from my face. I always cry when I puke.

I reached up on the counter and grabbed the box I had Emily purchase for me the day before. Shakily, I opened the box and pulled out its contents. I stood up and pulled my pants down, took a seat on the toilet and peed on the small stick.

Yes, I was taking a home pregnancy test. My third test, to be exact. My period was supposed to come last month, but I never thought anything of it because I have irregular periods. You can fix that, of course with birth control, but I’ve never really had the time to go to the doctor.

My whole life has evolved around basketball. Basketball and every other sport I could play. I’m a busy girl, what with graduation next year, basketball scholarships for college in a couple of years (Berkley, here I come), softball, soccer, junior prom (what would a girl like me wear?) and graduation… Yeah no time for silly things like birth control. And honestly, I never thought I’d really need it.

But here I am, peeing on a plastic stick waiting to see if my life is going to be changed forever. I remembered telling Emily the day before…

“Bluck! Bleck!”

“Kristin!” Emily said as she rushed into my bathroom. “Are you okay? What’s wrong, are you sick?”

“Obviously,” I squeaked as I lifted my head from the toilet. “Emily, I think I’m in real trouble.”

She bent down beside me and rubbed my back. “What’s wrong, Kris?”

“You know how Nick and I have been having sex?”

“Yeah, but what does that have to—” She gasped. “No! You don’t think—”
I nodded my head. “Yeah, I do.”

Tears started spilling down our cheeks. She gave me a hug as I sobbed on her shoulder. We sobbed and cried for a good five minutes, before I pushed her away and began retching in the toilet again.

“Okay,” she whispered when I stopped and laid my head on the seat. “Here’s what we’ll do. I’m going to go down to Rite Aid and get you about three home pregnancy tests okay?”

“Why three?” I asked.

“Because sometimes home pregnancy tests can be faulty or something. We just need to be sure, got it?”

I nodded and she continued. “Okay, then you’ll just take them and if all of them are positive, then you’ll go to the doctor, okay?”

“Okay.” I said.

“Alright, I’ll be back.” She whispered. “I’m going to call Brittany as well.”

“Te amo, Emily.” I said.

She smiled. “Te amo, Kristin.” She paused, then laughed. “I just realized that you are Hispanic, but have an American name.”
“Hey! I’m American, too. It’s not my fault my dad wanted to name me.”

She winked and left, whilst I retched in the toilet some more…

Now, I waited in the bathroom, while Emily was down stairs getting me some water. Speak of the devil; she came in with my water and a washcloth.

“Here you go, sweetie.” She smiled. “Here is your water and your wet wash rag, to put on your head.”

“Thanks.” I smiled, taking a sip of water.
“What’s the verdict?” We heard a voice and looked to see Brittany at the door. She came over last night and we told her the could-be news. She flipped out of course.

“Don’t know yet” was my only reply. I wiped a tear that had escaped my eye and put the washcloth on my head. It felt good. It was cold. And there was finally silence. I moved it to the nape of my neck and put my head down. Ahh.

The timer dinged and we all jumped with a gasp coming from all three of us. I inhaled a deep breath and reached for the test. I didn’t want to look, but knew I had to. I sat there, debating for a long time on whether to look or to just break it in half and throw it away, but I knew I couldn’t.

This was the last test. The one. This test could make me or break me and I had to face it. No matter how scared I was. Or badly I wanted to puke again. I had to do this.

I turned it over in my trembling hands and my heart fell. There, in little blue marking was a plus sign. That was it. I kind of already figured I was fertile, but I was just seriously hoping that it wouldn’t be true.

I threw the test on the counter and jumped up. Tears streaming down my face, I ripped the washcloth from my body and threw it at the mirror. As I angrily wiped at my face I heard a sniffle from Brittany.

“Well!” I yelled as more tears came. I threw my hands in the air. “That’s it! I’m pregnant! Congratulations to me!”

“Oh,” Emily whispered, quietly as she cried. “It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Brittany smiled through her tears. “Everything will be fine.”

“No it won’t be!” I yelled. “Nothing is going to be alright, you guys! I had plans, okay. And I’m not fit to be a mother. I’ve never even really had my own mother around all that much, just my crazy Grams. And now…”

I couldn’t even finish that sentence. I angrily punched the wall and let out a frustrated grunt. Emily and Brittany jumped back. They had never seen me so outraged.

“I CAN NOT TAKE CARE OF A CHILD!” I screamed, not minding the huge hole in my wall. “I CAN BARELEY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, LET ALONE ANOTHER PERSON! DON’T YOU GET THAT?”

“Yeah, Kris we get that.” Brittany stated.

“NO I DON’T THINK YOU DO!” I yelled back. “It’s… I don’t know! I’m scared. Really, really scared.”

They both stared at me as I cried and kick at the toilet. I quickly bent down and retched in it again. I jumped up, popping a piece of gum in my mouth and looked at them.

“I need to go.” I said. I walked past them, in to my room and grabbed my coat.

“Where?” Emily asked.

“To Nick’s.” I replied. “I’ll see you guys around.”

“We’ll go with you.” Brittany said.

“I said I’d see you guys around!” I snapped and headed down stairs.

I ran out the door and into the pouring rain. The very cold and pouring rain. It was still wintertime after all.

Great, I thought. Just fucking great! I’m pregnant and walking in the freezing rain. Life is so grand.

I needed my car. I was now really wishing I wouldn’t have let my cousin Manny drive it. She almost drove it right off a cliff. After heading into oncoming traffic, of course. Sheesh.

I finally walked the two blocks to Nick’s house and walked up his driveway. I was so scared. I had no idea what I would tell him, but I really didn’t think he would take it well.

I pushed my finger to the little white button beside the door and heard a faint chime. As I waited, I began to feel nauseous again. I really didn’t want to puke in his mother’s garden, but if that was my only option, then so be it.

The door swung open and Joe stood there with a chocolate beard. Seeing this startled me and for the first time in days, I laughed. I laughed so hard I began crying. It was seriously the funniest thing I’d ever seen.

“What?” he asked. “Is there something on my face?”

This only made me laugh harder. I was laughing so hard, I was wheezing. He looked in the mirror rack that held everyone’s keys and sheepishly grinned.

“Oops” was all he could say. “I’ll… I’ll get Nick.”

I waved my hand and shook my head. “Don’t worry, I’ll get him.”

He let me in and we walked to the kitchen together. I began feeling nervous when I remembered why I was here. Nerves flooded back to my stomach and I instantly wanted to vomit. But I didn’t. That was a good thing.

Telling Nick that I’m a fertile turtle was not.

I knocked on the door and took a deep shaky breath. I heard a quiet, “come in” and Nick clear his throat. I opened the door to reveal him in a white v-neck tee and a pair of plaid shorts, making his bed. His curly hair fell in his eyes as he looked up at me and smiled.

“Hello, pretty lady.” He said as he dropped his pillow on the bed and made his way over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips. “You haven’t been answering my calls. Is something wrong? I mean, I figured it was because of exams and stuff, but I’m… Just worried.”

He kissed me again and for some reason, I felt like I was going to throw up. I pushed away from him and ran to the bathroom across the hall. I slammed open the door to find Joe on the toilet, reading a Tiger Beat magazine.

“Hey!” he shouted. “Don’t you knock?”

“Bleck” was my only reply on the tile floor and his shoes. I hurled all over the floor and Joe. The poor guy was helpless there on the toilet. I fell to my knees and puked a tiny bit more. Joe gagged and looked away.

“Nick!” he called and gagged some more.

Nick ran in like the speed of lightning and picked me up and carried me to his bed. He rushed to the bathroom and got me a wet rag and Joe complained that he was still “doing his business, but hoped I was alright”. I groaned a reply, but just lay on Nick’s bed, helplessly.

Nick came back a little bit later and put the rag on my head. “Hey, baby doll, what’s wrong?” he asked as he rubbed my stomach.

I started crying silently and didn’t answer him. His big milk chocolate searched my dark ones as he searched for an answer. He brought his other hand up to my forehead.

“You don’t feel warm.” He whispered.

No answer. Not even a nod.

“You look beautiful.” He smiled, trying to get something out of me.

Nothing.
He sighed. “Damn it, Kristin just talk to me! What’s wrong?”

I looked into his eyes and cried harder. Everything I was just about say would ruin his life. And it would be my entire fault. He pulled me up to sitting position and held me in his arms.

“Baby Doll, please tell me what’s wrong.” He whispered. “Talk to me?”

“You won’t want to hear what I have to say!” I choked out, whilst sobbing on his chest.

“What?” he asked, bewildered. “Of course I do! I always want to hear what you have to say.”

“Oh yeah?” I questioned.

“Yes!” he said as he pulled away from me. “I do, baby doll. I really do.”

“Okay then here goes.” I said.
“I’m waiting.” He replied. “Come on. What is it that’s so horrible, you can’t even tell me?”

I looked into his eyes and let out a breath. Here goes nothing. I hoped he would take this okay. I was just about to change our lives after all.

“So um…” I whispered. “I’m pregnant.”