What Happens Under The Sun

I sat, boiling comfortably in the hot tub next to the pool, but hidden behind a row of bushes.

After my encounter with Veronica yesterday, I had left the pool. She had been sitting there, still giving me dirty looks and I didn't need that. I knew that she was delusional, but still.

I ended up spending the day at the spa, just relaxing, and thinking about anything other than how I had frozen up that morning when Tom had kissed me so affectionately.

The issue was a day old but now, sitting here in the warm water, I couldn't keep the thoughts out of my mind.

Why had I just shut off so quickly yesterday morning? Was I really that afraid of falling for someone? That afraid of letting someone in? That afraid of getting hurt again?

I had never thought of myself as a scared person, a vulnerable person. I was the kind of girl who could get over it and move on with her life. At least, I thought I was.

I guess though, when all of your serious relationships end with the other person betraying you and your heart being ripped in two, you start to loose faith in men altogether. So maybe I was afraid of falling head over heels for someone again, so what? I had good reason to be.

But I wouldn't be hurt again, no sir, not again. This time I would choose wisely. This time I would pick someone who could love me the way he should, someone who could keep it in his pants for five minutes.

Why was I even thinking this way? I mean, it's not like Tom and I had anything together, unless you count sex. But we weren't connected in any way other than that. We didn't have an emotional connection…did we?

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my mind, but they just wouldn't go away.

Why was I being so afraid? Why did I suddenly feel so vulnerable, so hurtable? Was Tom triggering all of this in me? I didn’t even know the guy! We had one night –and morning- of great sex and suddenly I was worried that he'd break my heart. Why was I so goddamn attracted to him? And why wasn't that attraction as straightforward as I had thought it was?

This was so out of character for me.

I slid down in my seat until I was completely under the water. I could feel the large amount of chlorine burning my eyes even through my eyelids and I knew that they'd be red for the next two hours, but I needed to get these thoughts out somehow.

In the silence created by the water, oddly enough, my mind cleared of all thoughts that weren't related to the fact that I wasn't breathing. I focused on the muffled sound of the jets and embraced my clear head.

I'd only been under the water a few seconds and I had every intention of staying under until my lungs burned for air, but something hit the water next to me.

Suddenly I was being pulled out of the water. I took a sharp breath as I resurfaced and flipped my hair out of my face. I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration and looked to the idiot who had pulled me out of the water. Five guesses as to who it was.

''What did you do that for?'' I asked.

''I thought you were drowning!'' Tom said.

''I wasn't drowning.'' I told him, wiping some water out of my eyes.

''Then what were you doing?'' he asked, leaning back against the edge of the hot tub.

''Thinking.'' I told him, doing the same.

''About what?''

''Stuff.'' I replied and he raised his eyebrows.

''That's usually code for 'me'.'' he said, a grin playing across his lips.

''So what if I was?'' I retorted and he smirked.

''Why are you even here?'' I asked, changing the subject.

''Did you even see Veronica at the bar?'' he asked, pointing to the bushes with his thumb.

''I've been in here for a while.'' I told him.

''You're going to be all pruny.'' He said and I chuckled.

''Where's your friend? I'm sure he could protect you from the big bad blonde.'' I said and Tom looked kind of confused.

''My friend? You mean Bill? He's not a friend, he's my brother.''

''Seriously?'' I asked. The two looked nothing alike.

''We're actually twins, identical twins.''

''No way!'' I laughed.

''It's true.'' He replied.

''You guys are so different! I mean you're so-''

''Sexy?'' he finished for me and I laughed.

He was so charming. He could have been cross-eyed with one leg and fins and he would have been just as appealing. So why was I freezing up again?

''I have to go.'' I said, getting up and out of the hot tub.

''Will I see you later?'' he asked, turning to face me.

''Definitely.''