What Happens Under The Sun

I felt like shit, even more so than I had when I had given Derek the cheek and the best part was, Iwasn't willing to admit didn't know why.

''Who was that?'' Derek asked as we made our way back to the couch.

''Just a friend.'' I told him with the best smile I could muster. It was a bold face lie, Tom wasn't just a friend, he was technically the friend who was sleeping with the other friend, but Derek bought it.

''Let's start the movie! Where's my popcorn!'' Jessica demanded from the couch.

''Coming your highness.'' I joked and she laughed.

Derek and I brought the popcorn and drinks into the living room and then settled in to watch the movie. Jessica shut all the lights off and then hit play.

From the minute the movie started, it was obvious Jessica and Jordan had no intention of actually watching it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him kissing her neck and I knew the two would break out into a full out make out session in the next five minutes.

I could also see out of the corner of my eye, Derek's hand sitting in that awkward upward position, waiting for mine to be placed inside of it. But I didn’t put my hand inside his. The look on Tom's face when he saw Derek kept running through my mind and keeping me from holding his hand.

A little further into the movie, Derek gave up on waiting for me to put my hand in his and simply wrapped his arm around me. I didn't even have to pretend that I was scared this time. I sat rather rigidly under his arm though. After that episode at the door, I was having a little trouble with melting into him like I had before. I hoped he would mistake it for me being scared of the movie.

Jordan and Jessica –like I predicted- ended up sucking face right beside me and I rolled my eyes. I looked to Derek, who looked quickly back at the screen. I smirked at the fact that I had caught him looking at me, but at the same time wondered why he was looking at me. I knew he liked me, but had he been looking at me expectantly? Waiting for me to shove my tongue down his throat? Or an opportunity to shove his down mine?

My head was feeling so clustered. I had gone all this time without thinking about Tom or debating how I felt about him, and then over the course of three days, he'd come up twice and both times I'd been so confused.

I didn't know why he kept going through my mind, why the look on his face when Derek put his arm around me stuck to me like gum to the bottom of my shoe. The kissing noises and sharp breaths that kept coming from my left weren't exactly helping my situation.

I turned to Derek. I needed to think, but I couldn't do it here, it was too distracting.

''Come with me?'' I asked. He looked confused but nodded all the same.

I got up and headed for my room. I would have liked to be alone to sort all of this out, but I couldn't very well leave the boy sitting there alone on the couch.

I went in and flopped down on my bed. Derek stood awkwardly in my doorway until I patted the space next to me. His face seemed to light up a little as he walked over and lay beside me.

He leaned back against my headboard and I moved over to rest my head on his chest. I felt sort of bad for being distant on the couch and a pair of arms around me, no matter who's they were, always seemed to make it easier to think.

He gently stroked my hair with one hand and held my hand with his free one.

Scratch what I said before. Being held by Derek only made it harder to concentrate on sorting out this whole thing with Tom. But I didn't move, that would have been too mean.

How did my night go from fun get together with the guy I've been seeing for the past little while to guilt trip courtesy of the guy who I haven't slept with in the past little while?

My mind was racing, trying to sort all of this out. I wanted more than anything just to clear my head, but how? And then the idea struck me.

I moved up so that my face was level with Derek's and he looked at me with a soft smile. I leaned forward and placed my lips gently on his. The hand that had been holding mine moved to my waist and pulled me closer.

I ran the tip of my tongue over Derek's lips and he parted them for me. When our tongues began to wrestle, my mind was filled with the rush of feelings induced by that and I was pleased that my idea had worked.

I wanted to keep this going, I needed to keep my mind free of coherent thought. I worked my way down from his lips and to his neck where I kissed and sucked on what skin was exposed.

''Katie.'' He said in a soft, moan-like voice. I stopped mid kiss and pulled away.

''My name's Kate.'' I told him flatly.

''I'm sorry.'' He looked almost scared.

''It's alright, I just don't like to be called that.'' I said, returning my head to his chest.

''Why?'' he asked casually although curiosity burned through his voice.

''My mom used to call me Katie, all my life actually, at least until she died. After that, hearing anyone call me Katie made me think of her, reminded me that she was gone and I just couldn't deal with that kind of pain. So I told people to stop calling me Katie and no one's called me that since I was eight.'' I told him.

I knew part of that was a lie. I had let someone call me Katie because it had just sounded so right coming from him and I couldn't bring myself to tell him not to. In a way, I had liked hearing it from him, because he was such a good thing and it virtually erased the bad association with that nickname.

''I'm so sorry, I didn't know.'' Derek said.

''It's alright.'' I assured him.

We laid in silence for a while before Jessica came in and asked why we left. We went back into the living room and watched what was left of the movie. All the time, what I had done in the bedroom paced back and forth through my mind.

I hadn't corrected Tom that day, but I had corrected Derek. What was wrong with me?