What Happens Under The Sun

''Jessica! Turn it down!'' I whined, pounding on the wall. It was ten, but in my opinion, too early for her to be listening to music that loud, especially when her computer was right against the same wall as the head of my bed.

''Come see this!'' she called.

''I'm sleeping!'' I yelled back.

''No you're not! Come see this!'' she said again.

''Fine!'' I gave up and left my room.

''What do you want me to see so bad?'' I asked as I entered her room.

''Listen.'' She said and then clicked something.

I was pretty sure I'd heard enough through the wall, but as the song she played went on something inside me clicked. I'd heard this song before, but where?

Remember

To me you'll be forever sacred
I'm dying but I know
Our love will live
Your hand above
Like a dove
Over me
Remember
To me you'll be forever sacred

Oh my god. I knew where I had heard that before.

Never forget
To me you'll be forever sacred

The morning after Tom and I didn't do it, the morning when he played something for me, the morning where Bill had burst in singing, that's where I'd heard it before. It hadn't meant much at the time, it was just a nice tune and two words that didn't mean anything, but now that I heard the whole song, all the lyrics, it was different. He had to think about it before he played that song, he chose to play that song for me.

''I decided to look up Tom's band, they're pretty good, but you're not into their kind of music.'' Jessica said, twirling in her chair.

''No, I don't like words in my music.'' I said and she laughed.

''That's my Kate.'' She said and I grinned.

''Jess! I'm going out!'' I called as I headed for the door.

''Have fun!'' she called back and then I left.

I'd waited a few hours because I didn't want to go over in the wee hours of the morning and piss him off. But now it was around one and I was going to Tom's. I had to talk to him.
Not necessarily about what Jessica had showed me with the song this morning, but about last night. I was still feeling horrible and I felt the need to explain it to him.

I got a cab to his building and prayed that he was home.

The doorman smiled at me as I went inside and then I waited for an elevator. I wanted to see him, but not badly enough to run up six flights of stairs. I pushed the button twice for good measure.

When one of the elevators dinged I stepped towards it, but quickly stepped back when I saw who was coming out of it.

''Kate?'' Bill said.

''Hi.'' I said, trying my best to smile innocently.

''What are you doing here?…My brother?'' he asked as his eyes went wide, pointing at the ceiling.

''I just need to talk to him.'' I said which was true.

''I thought you guys weren't supposed to see each other.'' Bill said.

''We're actually kinda not.'' I admitted.

''How long has this been going on?'' he asked.

''I'm going to miss this elevator if I don't go now.'' I said, stepping inside and towards the back of the elevator.

''Just don't get caught.'' He said as the doors closed and I shot him a grateful look.

When I got to his floor, I walked down the hall to his apartment and knocked on Tom's door. I heard some movement inside and then the lock clicked and the door opened.

''Hi.'' I said.

''Oh.'' Tom replied.

''Can I come in?'' I asked.

''I thought you had your boyfriend to take care of your needs now.'' He said, but stepped out of the doorway all the same.

''What are you talking about?'' I asked as I closed the door behind me.

''Your new boyfriend, that's the reason I haven't seen you in so long right? Cause he's been fucking you and you don't need me anymore?'' he said bitterly.

''What the hell are you talking about?'' I asked agitatedly.

''That guy who answered the door last night! The one who carried you! The one who pulled you close when I said I was there to see if you wanted to go out.'' He said, his voice getting louder.

''That's not my boyfriend, I don't have a boyfriend and for your information, I haven't been fucking anyone!'' I yelled. Most guys would have backed down after being given the truth like that, but a you're-not-off-the-hook-yet look stayed on Tom's face.

''Oh yea? Then why haven't I seen you in so long? Obviously you found someone else to take care of you when you're needy and if not the guy at your apartment then who else?'' he asked.

He got me. Even though Derek and I weren't sleeping together, I hadn't needed to go and see Tom because I had been spending so much time with Derek and I wasn't feeling needy.

''It's complicated.'' I said, my voice falling quiet.

''Oh yea? Then explain it to me Kate, I'm not an idiot and I know there's something going on.'' He said.

''Yea, ok you got me, I've gone on a few dates with Derek and we've kissed a couple times. And you're right the reason I haven't been over is because I was with him, but it's not like I was fucking him every night! We've never even slept together!'' I told him.

''Then why are you here now? If you're so happy with this new guy why don't you just stay home with him?'' he asked bitterly.

''Because I didn't want to stay home with him! I wanted to come here and talk to you! But no! I show up and you do nothing but bitch because I haven't screwed you in a while!'' I said angrily.

''You want to talk? Let's talk then Kate. What do you want to talk about? The fact that you left me hanging for a week, no calls, no visits, or would you like to talk about the fact that I had to find out about your new boyfriend by making an absolute ass of myself and asking you out right in front of him!'' he said. Tom had asked me out last night, but I had known what he meant by 'out' and it wasn't the conventional meaning.

''He's not my boyfriend! Get that through your thick head! God! I can't even argue with you! This is why I spent so much time with Derek lately!'' I said, frustrated.

''You know what Kate, I don't want to know all the things he does better than me, if that's why you came then just go.'' He said. Both of us were yelling.

''Oh come on, don't be such a baby, it's not like you weren't probably screwing someone new every other night.'' I said.

''For your information, I haven't slept with anyone since that day in the back of my car!'' he yelled and I was taken aback for a moment, my fire temporarily put out by that comment. But it was ignited again just as fast as it had gone out.

''Why does this all fall on me? You didn't call, you didn't come over! Why is it my fault?'' I yelled.

''Don't start that shit with me! I don't have your number!''

''And why didn't you come over? It's not like you don't know where I live!''

''You want to know why I didn't come over? Because when I do, you rush me out of there so fast I barely get time to put my shoes on or there's another guy there who looks at me like I'm the devil!'' he yelled.

''Oh that's hardly the reason! You're just too lazy to drive your ass over there!'' I yelled.

''You know what!'' Tom yelled.

''What?'' I yelled back.