What Happens Under The Sun

''Please pick up the phone, I really need to talk to you.'' I pleaded into the receiver.

''Ok, maybe you're just not home then. You know who this is. Call me.'' I said after a few minutes of silence.

''Still not answering?'' Jessica asked and I shook my head.

Two days later –I figured that was enough time to let him cool off- I had called Derek five times and left three messages. It appeared that he didn’t want to talk to me.

''I know he's mad but come on, it's been two days, he should at least have the courtesy to pick up the phone.'' I said, dropping the dying cordless phone into its cradle.

''Maybe he's out and he's going to call you back when he gets home.'' Jessica said reassuringly.

''Yea maybe.'' I sighed. ''And maybe he thinks I'm too much of a selfish bitch to even bother calling.''

''You're not a bitch…usually.'' She teased.

''But I sure as hell am selfish. I wanted Derek because he was nice and funny and fit the prince charming profile, but that wasn't enough. No I had to want Tom too, the bad boy, the forbidden fruit. And I just went on with both of them, not caring about how they would react if they found out about each other. It's time to face the facts, I'm one selfish little bitch.''

''I'd try to argue with you but you're too stubborn and I'd be at it for a month.''

''And that's why you love me.'' I winked.

''Yea, sometimes.'' She rolled her eyes.

''Don't sweat it; plenty of women have more than one guy. Tom's like your mistress.'' Jessica said.

''Yea, you know what kind of people have mistresses?''

''Here we go.'' She muttered.

''The kind who aren't happy with the good things they have so they have to have more. Selfish people who don't care about other people.'' I said and she rolled her eyes.

''You're impossible.''

''I wish he would call.'' I said, changing the topic.

''What are you going to do when he does? I mean are you going to break it off with him? Or are you going to tell him you're not going to see Tom anymore and stay with Derek?'' she asked.

''I don't know.'' I admitted hopelessly.

''You can't have both Kate, you know that.''

''I know I know.'' I glanced anxiously at the phone.

''Maybe I'll wait to make a decision. Maybe I'll wait until I'm right there in the moment with his gorgeous eyes boring into my face before I try to make a decision. That way I know how I feel without over analyzing it you know?''

''And what if the decision you make isn't the one he wants to hear?''

''Then I'll feel bad but at least then I know what I want, like truly want.'' I said.

The phone rang and I jumped. I pressed 'talk' and put the receiver to my ear.

''Hello?''

''Kate? It's Derek, I just got your messages.''

''Derek, I'm so sorry, please I just want a chance to apologize.''

''Actually, I wanted to talk to you too.'' He said. I was filled with a mix of surprise, hope and dread.

''Really? Do you want to meet somewhere?'' I asked.

Derek told me to meet him at a coffee place half way between our apartments. It was the same place I had seen Tom the day he insisted on taking me to the hospital when I hit my head. Not that Derek knew that though.

''So?'' Jessica asked as I hung up.

''He wants to talk.'' I told her.

''A good talk like 'hey I totally forgive you' or more along the lines of 'I can't forgive you ever'?'' she asked.

''How am I supposed to know? He just said he wanted to talk to me.''

''Let's hope it's the first then.'' She said.

I got up and grabbed my jacket.

''Good luck.'' She said.

''Thanks.'' I replied as I opened the door.

''Here goes nothing''