The Morbid Chronicles of Camp Lame

Dear Diary, June 11, 2008

I just got back from that meeting-thing for camp, and
I've got to say...camp seems even lamer then it did two days
ago!
We're supposed to be hiking, learning navigation,
how to make all sorts of different knots, which berries are to eat,
and which berries will make you sick; even though you'll most likely
never get lost or ship-wrecked on some crazy island, forcing you to make
a little hut out of knots, lunch from berries, and a $500 navagation
GPS tracker.

Then you learn about different types of leaves, I'm guessing.
Which leaves to eat when you're sick (probably from the
poisonious berries you consumed for lunch), which leaves will numb your mouth,
if you get stung by a bee for some crazy reason on your tongue. (I couldn't come up with
a better reason to be eating mouth-numbing leaves.)

How come they don't teach you how to make toilet paper?
I think they should.
Maybe I'll ask them when I get there.
If I even decide to go.
But I probably won't.
Then they gave us a list of things we should probably buy.
I had everything on the list, but I'll still write it down in here so
I'll remember it in twenty years.
I'll add some commentary on a majority of the requierments.

It was in the order that follows:

1 beach towel

1 shower towel (Psh! I'm bringing two!)

1 wash cloth

1 tooth brush (Duh!)

1 Tooth paste

1 Container of Floss (To tye knots, I'll bet!)

1 Shampoo and Conditionier (Even though
if you brought both, that would count as two)

1 Body Scrub (But what if 'Scrub' makes you break out? It makes my Mom)

1-2 Cans of Bug Spray. Off Deep Woods would be the reasonable
choice. ( Do you think that Off pays the camp to say that?)

1-2 Cans/bottles of Sun Screen

Reasonable shoes such as:

- Hiking boots, broken in (How am I supposed
to break them in when we don't have any hiking trails?
Should I just walk around, clomping in hiking boots?)

-Water shoes are highly recomended during canoeing

-shower shoes (What the heck are 'shower shoes'? Flip-flops?)

-Running/Walking shoes for Morning P.T. (What?! I don't remember signing up
for the army! Psh, I don't even remember signing up for camp!)

-Shoes to wear to the dance towards the end (What?! Dance?!)

Clothing such as:

-Long-Sleeved shirts to wear during hikes and campfire gatherings

-Short-sleeved or Modest Cut Tanktops

- Shorts Preferably no higher then knee-length

-Pants for hikes and campfire gatherings

- An outfit for the dance (Would I have to go?)

-Sun hat or Sun Visor (Sun Visor? Are we going golfing? Because in that case,
remind me to bring my plaid green shorts!).

Bedding such as:

-Blanket

-Sheets

-Pillow(s. I have five pillows that I'm going to bring.)

Some things that aren't requiered but highly recomended are:

-hand sanitizer

-pre-paid calling card (Psh, who carries those around anymore?
Everyone -plus their little sisters- have cellphones these days!)

-Cash for washing clothes/blankets

and a few other things I could care less about, like
fishing rods and baseball mits.
There were about fifty teenagers my age there.

I'd say a good half of them are boys; I didn't spot any cute ones.
There was one boy who had those big huge earphones; the type
that cover the whole ear. Or like the ones you'd get in first grade when you
wanted to listen to the sound in computer class.
(Otherwise just imagine big, black, squishy circles that feel nice and soft
on your ears.)
He was wearing a 'scarface' jacket (even though the weather here is
about 98 degrees), and big, skater shoes with torn jeans.
I didn't see his face, but his mom was dressed richly; as if
she was actually paying for him to attend.
Most people there were getting in free because
their fathers were deployed.

I didn't know anybody there, except for Stupid Stephanie.
The school I went to was off-post, and most of the kids there went
to the school on-post.

Stupid Stephaine was leaning on the matted wall of the Youth Services gym,
writing on a piece of paper clipped to a clipboard.

Every few minutes her hand would suddenly fly to her head,
then her short fingers combed through her bleached-blond hair
as if looking for fly-aways.
Then she'd smack her lips about three times, then pop the lime green mint gum in her mouth with a loud "snap!"
Then she'd suddenly look up
from the clipboard, and glance around as if scouting for someone
she knew.
After standing by the fold-out lunch table for five minutes while my mom
talked to one of the councilors, Stephanie noticed me.
She put up her short fingers, and frevently waved her hand as if
she just won the title of Miss America.
Please, please don't walk over here! I prayed silently to myself. Obviously it didn't work, because she headed straight to me, and I couldn't act as if I didn't see her because
we totally had eye contact for a good six seconds.
The only reason why she thinks I like her is because our moms
are friends from work.
My mom had dragged me (Just like she dragged me to the meeting six hours
before!) to a stupid little b.b.q. with Stephanie's family.
I only stayed long enough to grab a slice of cake, then
I complained of cramps and sat in their house watching tv while my mom and
her family stayed outside.
I don't even remember her mom's face, but oh well.
I could imagine it looking fairly similar to Stephanie's.
After a few seconds, Stephanie was standing close enough for me
to smell her winter mint gum, and see her orange faceoutlined with
a white neck.
"Mrs. Malli, how are you?" She had asked my mom, then
grabbed her in a tight hug.
My mom had laughed, then said she was fine.
If I did that, then my mom would've asked me what I wanted.
But when Stephanie did it, My mom just laughed!

"How's your mom?" My mommy asked her.

"She's great. She's over there with Paul." Stephanie
gustered to the rich-looking lady and the son with big earphones.

"That's your mom?!" I asked, amazed.
Was that her brother?

"Yeah. Paul's my twin." she explained.

"I'm older by three minutes!" she had stated proudly.

"He's taller." I stated.

"So?! He's a guy; He'll be taller then most.

"Exept for you; you're really tall! " she said, glancing up at me from her 5"3 frame.

"Yeah, I noticed that... about ten months ago." I said to her, sarcastically. ( i hope!)

"Is Paul going?" My mom asked Stephanie, ignoring me.

Stephanie scoffed and rolled her eyes.

She said he was, and she went on and on about how much she wished
he wasn't going.
Finally my mom told her that we had to go, and that she would just talk
to her mom later.
Stephanie agreed, and said that she had some paperwork she still had to do.
Then she grasped me and my mom in a breath-taking hug that lasted for
a good three minutes, leaving me gasping
for fresh, perfume-free air.
My mom picked up some other things, and grabbed my
ugly name tag (which spelled Lottie)
from the table and then we left.

"I really don't understand why you don't
like Stephanie." My mom said while we were in
the little ford Shadow.
We had this conversation plenty of times.

I say she seemes fake, or just plain
dumb, and Mom says she's not.

I say she either just is that
stupid, or she's a bloody
good actor.
Mom says she's just
ditzy.

I say I'm ditzy; she's
stupid.
I'm forced to take it back, then
we sit in silence for a few hours.
Mom apoligizes, then promises
that she'll try not to make me hang out with her again.
I say thanks, but then roll my eyes to her turned back.

Well, I'm tired, and I've got all day to pack tomorrow for a camp
I might not be even going to.
~Lotty M.