Bam Margera's My Dad - What!

"I must've really scared bam if he gave you $250. Man did i sound scary? Oh Starbucks!" Liss screamed dragging me into a coffee shop. Meh coffee is coffee... who the fuck am i kidding? About time we found one of the fucking shops! Liss and Gr!m ran up to the counter.

“Jade what you want” Liss yelled from the counter. I crept up next to her and gave Gr!m the ‘ if you ruin this I will castrate you with a rusty switchblade’ look. I’ve decided that will be my threat for the day.

“Something strong” I said from beside her, yeah I nearly gave her a heart attack. I’m just that good.

“You’re a bitch” Liss said clutching her chest, then she turned to Gr!m and punched him in the arm “that’s for not telling me asshole”

“But she threatened me. With her eyes! She did!” Gr!m yelled, pointing at me, trying to defend himself.

“All lies Gr!m” I said giving him the death glare. Don’t even try it.

Jade Grace-Margera never gets blamed for anything. I’m far to ‘innocent’. Yeah that’s bullshit, I’m just good at avoiding punishment.

“Shut up and take your coffees and drink them!” Liss yelled. How did I not smell that strong…loving…sweet… I’m going to shut up and drink the fucking thing now before I rape it. Yeah I’d rape coffee, I’m just that fucked in the head. Isn’t it grand?

“Ok I vote we go to sinister threads.” Gr!m said as we walked out. Well actually he more declared it.

“ No I say utopia. It’s got a much larger range.” Liss countered. Me? I just walked away happily enjoying my coffee. Man coffee is the shit.

“Jade what do you…Jade! You bitch!” Liss said running to catch up to me, leaving Gr!m behind us

“ So this is how it’s going to be?” Gr!m yelled, pouting and sitting Indian style on the pavement. I turned and gave him the most threatening glare I could muster. Must admit it must’ve of been fucking scary. Anyone who passed might have thought i was going to kill him...

“ Yes ma’am” Gr!m said as he leaped to his feet and caught up to us.

Ah the all mighty power of the female glare.

“ You guys realize I’ve never been to either of the shops you’re talking about?” I said absent-minded

“Ok Utopia has Demonias yeah? But Sinister has HIM merch” Gr!m said trying to persuade me. Ok I most probably have the world largest collection of HIM merch but there is always room for more. Always.

“So had utopia dipshit” Liss countered once again but this time slapping Gr!m in the back of the head “ look they’re a block apart from each other. We’ll go to both fucking stores.” Liss said.

Utopia was freaking awesome. It had an entire wall dedicated to just Finnish music. I laughed at a shirt that had a picture of Ville on it and had ‘I want to fucking rape the man above this writing’. I enjoyed it so much both me a Liss bought one. Ville was going to fucking flip.

“Hey guys” the cashier said. Her nametag said Sophie. Fuck she looks like Wednesday. I might tell her that.

“ Fuck me senseless you look like a female Wednesday” I said. She fucking laughed.

“I’m a massive fan of Wednesday 13.” She said showing me a tattoo of Wednesday 13 in fancy scripture on her wrist. Fuck me she was dedicated.

“It sucks too. There was a massive party at Castle Bam a few weeks ago where Wednesday was playing with the dolls. And I couldn’t go.” Sophie said.

“ Yeah this is awkward. You realize I’m Bams daughter? I could arrange for you too meet Wednesday.” I said. Hey Sophie was really fucking dedicated so why the fuck not?

“Do you realize I want to rape you right now?”

what is with the people I meet and rape?