Bam Margera's My Dad - What!

We’d been in Finland for three weeks now. That’s right THREE FUCKING WEEKS!

Gr!m and Liss decided they were going to accept Bams offer and move in with us.

According to Gr!m, his parents didn’t really give a shit what he did as long as it didn’t cost them anything, because most of their money goes towards drugs. Liss’ mum figured that her daughter would prefer to be around her friends than her. Which doesn’t surprise me, Liss’ mum kind of scares me.

The reason that Gr!m, Liss and Sophie were pissed off with me was; on the morning of our unexpected rave party, Soph and I had hidden Gr!m’s, Liss’ and Soph wallets, and of course me and Soph forgot where we stashed them…which was in my make up bag… and because we’d eaten all the coffee they were having caffeine withdrawals.

In case you’re wondering we are still at the dudesons ranch. You think these guys are crazy on TV? Wait till you see what there like off camera.

“No ape… what do you – OW! Fuck what was that for jade?” Bam yelled. He was on the phone to ape so I took advantage of the situation and pulled his ear, hard.

“ no Ape she fucking pulled my – GET THAT FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME!” he yelled again doing some sort of GI Joe army roll backwards of the one seater lounge and hiding behind it from Jukka and the fully loaded paintball gun.

“Hey Jukka can I see that thing for a sec, I’ve got a fan-fucking-tastic idea.” I said silently scheming in my head.

You see every time we’re doing something fun Jarrpi’s either eating or taking a dump so I’m going to follow him around all day with the paintball gun with extra ammo in a bag and just shoot the living fuck out of him!

“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be like me with the Tabasco gun only better? Wait…I know that look! Bam gets it when he’s planning something evil.” Jukka yelled pointing at me.

I pulled a shocked face and replied with “ What? Me? Never!”

“Teenagers follow Jukka, he has an idea.” Jukka said talking in third person, like I usually do, and skipped into the kitchen, that right he skipped.

All four of us climbed off the floor and followed Jukka into the kitchen but first we all took turns at flicking bam in the ear because, yes, he’s still on the phone to Ape.

“I know it’s in here somewhere, hey Jarno seen my Tabasco gun?” Jukka said with a devilish smile on his face.

“No but I know where there’s another paintball gun and a super soaker” Jarno said. Hell yeah we’re fucking scheming now!

10 minutes later Jukka plus Jarno recording and us teenagers we ready to get Jarrpi something horrible.

We were being ninja's and somewhat stalking Jarrpi when as you would guess he went to take another dump. We silently crept up to the outhouse as Jukka got behind the outhouse and reminded Jarrpi what it feels like to have Tabasco sprayed between the cheeks.

He ran out yelling in Finnish to be met with me and Liss with paintball guns, Sophie with the super soaker filled with even more Tabasco and Gr!m with a fire extinguisher. Sophie was the first person to run because she ran out of Tabasco quickly.

“Is this what I fucking potato feels like when it’s a wedge and is being dipped in chili sauce? Cause it hurts!” Jarrpi cried running over to the tap but his plan quickly backfired when he saw Gr!m running off with the hose.

“Come back here you teenage mutant ninja turtle!” Jarrpi yelled after him

“There’s not enough milk in the house to stop that fucking burn HA!” Gr!m yelled running into the field laughing like a manic. Bam, HP and Missy were watching us from the porch thingy laughing their heads off.

“All I can do I sit in water!” Jarrpi yelled again. I crept up behind him and shot him just above the crack at close range, which caused him to fall over from shock and somehow get his fat arse stuck in the bucket, which made all of us lose it entirely

“ I think we should call an ambulance now!” He called out towards the house “ wait no don’t leave me here!” he yelled again as we headed in side I gave him a lazy wave of the hand so signify that we might come back for him.

-Three hours later-

“Why do I have a feeling we forgot something” I said looking up from Sophie’s lap. We were watching some random Finnish show that only the Finnish guys could understand.

“Don’t worry I have that feeling too.” She said. We looked at each other and yelled at the same time “JARRPI!” we somewhat ran outside to see Jarrpi with his arse still stuck in the bucket and asleep.

“Let’s leave him here” Sophie said yawning, and stretching

“ I want to as well but we did kind of forget about him so I think we owe it to him.” Was my reply. I lightly tapped him in the head with my foot but he didn’t stir.

“ Oh my godfather! Soph go get the sharpie!” I said with wide eyes. In under an hour we had written random things on Jarrpi and we both signed him my name was on his left boob, Sophie’s on his right. We woke him up by jabbing him with a stick

“What happened?” he asked slightly dazed.

“ You fell asleep then, fucked a sheep, how do you feel?” Sophie asked making me giggle.

“ Did you draw on me in my sleep? I don’t remember falling asleep like this” he said trying to stand up.

Sophie stood behind him and pulled the bucket off his arse so he could stand up properly. Then after giggling for a few minutes we went inside for a smoke then bed.

got to love sharpies