Why Would He Believe in Me?

My head was propped up on Oli’s chest. We were in the back of the car, which was driven by Lee and being directed my Shay. This made me feel a lot happier that we would get home today, rather than when it was down to Oli and Matt.N on the way there. God.
My head felt as though someone was trying to chisel through it. I’d spent the whole morning throwing up whilst poor Shayleigh had to load my bags into the car. I could really of done without the hangover with the long journey ahead. I guess its safe to say I cant handle my alcohol as well as the boys can and Shay had smartly stayed away from it. I guess I was a Sheffield gal’ at heart still.
I hadn’t spoken to Tom since last night. I hadn’t really been in a fit state to, but I had tried. He’d blanked me. For this reason, no matter how tired I felt, I could not sleep. The thought of Tom being so angry at me made me feel so ashamed. I mean, I didn’t know if he liked me as more than a fried, but unless I knew, I shouldn’t even think about laying a finger on his brother. He totally awesome, gorgeous, talented..-STOP!

My mind was so active, running everything over. So many things were going on inside my aching head, it’s a miracle it didn’t explode. I was taking in everything that we drove past, reading all the sings and stuff. I was imagining what I was going to say to Tom, running over it in my head, planning what sounded best. Trying out the best and worst case scenario’s. The worst ones, made me feel sick. Especially as if he took it badly, there was nothing I could do and it was all my fault and id betrayed him and part of me still wanted Oli and oh my god…!!!
I was so aware of my head on Oliver’s chest. He heart beating, steadily. A small rhythm. Oliver Sykes’s rhythm. His chest rose and fell slowly and occasionally I could feel his deeper breather on the back of my neck.

My body was stiff and dead. It was like all my antics of the past two weeks had caught up with me. The long plane journey, the sleep in the car in the freezing cold, the forest walks, the walks into town, the snowball fights, the skating. It felt like I’d done it all the day before. Done it all and more. You know in the olden days, one of the ways they would kill you was my crushing you with rocks (no? So I just know sick facts?)? Well that’s what felt like was happening. And I probably deserved it.

Oliver shook my from the dreary half sleep that had been occupying me for the past few hours. I could barely drag myself out of the car. It was pretty much dark outside and the air felt colder than ice. Lee and Oliver got me and Shayleigh’s bag’s out of the boot of their car and took them in the lift with us up to our floor. The block of apartments honestly didn’t ring any bells to me and when Shay opened our door, I barely recognized the flat. It didn’t feel like home at all. I only had eyes for our lodge. Ha.
Lee, Shayleigh and Oliver went inside and dumped the bags down. I heard Shay offer them both a cup of hot chocolate before they left and they both agreed.
I stood in the doorway, my hand clutching it. Only Oli noticed my reluctance to come in.

“What’s up?” he asked softly, striding over to me.

“Nothing really. I just, don’t really like this apartment.”

He started on about his band then. I learnt they were heading down to London for two weeks tomorrow to put the finishing touched to their record then they’d be back here for a week before they began a tour around Britain. I half listened quietly, and sipped my drink.

When he got up to leave, Oli hugged me and whispered something into my ear.

“Have a think about thing, then, if you want when I get back, we can pick up where we’ve left of”. He then kissed me on the cheek and left.

Oh shit…