This Is My Happy Ending

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The weird sound woke me up, but I couldn’t open my eyes. The bed was hard and uncomfortable, and it felt as if I was strapped to something. I tried to struggle against it, but nothing happened. I became aware of other sounds, footsteps scurrying around, something that sounded like trolleys being pushed, other beeping sounds. And then I heard unfamiliar voices near me.

“It’s been three years, and she still isn’t awake.”, a woman’s voice said.

It sounded strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I groped around in my mind, but there was nothing, just this big black hole. I started panicking, and heard the beeping sound pick up. I tried to move my hand, and relief flowed over me when I felt my fingers twitch.

“Wait, did she just move?”, I heard a guy ask, his voice excited.

“I don’t know. Honey, if you can hear me, move your hand.”, the woman said.

I moved my hand slightly, and tried to open my eyes. I had to know where I was.

“She’s moving! She’s awake! Quick, Gerard, go call the doctor!”, the woman said excitedly.

I heard footsteps hurrying into the room, and without thinking about it, opened my eyes to see who the people was. The woman gasped, and my eyes moved in her direction. She looked old, maybe fifty. Her hair was turning grey, and her face was a bit wrinkled.

“This is very good. Looks like your praying worked, Mrs. Martins.”, the new addition said.

I was still staring at the woman, not bothering with the other people in the room. My mouth opened and closed slightly, I couldn’t think of something to say.

“Shell, I am Dr. Jones.”, I heard the new addition say.

I just continued looking at the woman, my face blank. I felt someone touch me, and looked in the direction. The man looked quite old, even older than the woman. He had grey hair and blue eyes, and had a worried expression on his face as he looked at me.

“Shell, do you know where you are?”, he asked me.

I just continued staring blankly at him. Who was this Shell they were talking about the whole time? It was getting annoying. Why couldn’t they just tell me where I am? I opened my mouth slightly, but felt another hand touch me hesitantly. My head rolled in the direction, and I looked into a pair of beautiful hazel eyes. I guess this was the younger guy’s voice I had heard. He was breathtaking, but didn’t look very healthy. His eyes were bloodshot and he was pale, with a few days old stubble.

“Where am I?”, I finally got out, still looking at the younger guy.

“You’re in the hospital, Shell.”, he said, staring into my eyes.

“Who are you talking to?”, I asked confused, starting to get irritated with these people.

“I’m talking to you.”, he said, looking back at the old guy, his face confused.

“Listen, who the hell is this Shell you keep talking about? Why can’t you just tell me what the hell I’m doing here?”, I asked angrily, my voice getting stronger.

“You are Shell.”, the old guy answered.

“Right. Who the hell are these people, and who the hell are you?”, I asked rudely.

I heard the old lady start to cry, and heard the young guy whisper something in her ear. He was staring at the doctor, obviously looking for an answer.

“I’m doctor Jones. She has amnesia.”, the doctor said, shrugging as if he could do nothing about it.

“What do you mean she has amnesia?”, the young guy demanded.

“Calm down, Gerard, you’re going to scare her.”, the old woman said.

So, his name was Gerard. He did look like a Gerard, not that I knew how one was supposed to look. The word amnesia meant absolutely nothing to me, and I looked at the doctor blankly.

“What’s that?”, I asked.

“Amnesia is what we call when someone loses their memory, like you have. They cannot recollect certain things, or anything, for others. Do you know who these people are?”, the doctor asked me.

“Would I have asked you if I had known?”, I snapped, glowering at him.

This amnesia stuff was a pain in the neck. How the hell am I supposed to remember, get my memories back?

“This is your mother, and this is Gerard, an old friend of yours.”, the doctor said, pointing to them in turn.

“Whatever. What am I doing here, and when can I get out? How long have I been here?”, I asked.

“You walked in the way of an oncoming truck, and were brought here. You had many broken bones, but they’ve healed over the past eight months while you were in a coma. We have to make sure that your brain is functioning correctly before you can go home.”, he answered.

“My brain is working correctly, how else do you think I’m speaking right now?”, I said angrily, the beeping noise speeding up again.

“Please calm down!”, the doctor said anxiously.

I took deep breaths, and heard the beeping go slowly back to normal. The other two had been quiet throughout this, and I turned my head to check that they were still there.

“You haven’t changed much.”, Gerard said with a relieved smile.

“What do you mean?”, I snapped, glowering at him.

“You still get angry so easily.”, he answered.

I rolled my eyes, and looked at the doctor again. He was watching the beeping machine, for some reason.

“What is that irritating beeping noise?”, I asked him, making him turn around to look at me.

“It’s your heart monitor. We’ll be taking CAT scans tomorrow, and when we get the results, and everything is fine, you can go home.”, he replied.

“How long is that going to take?”

“About a week. Now, I’m leaving you three alone. Please don’t upset her or anything, and don’t pressure her to remember, it will only slow down the process. It has to come naturally. And don’t under any circumstances mention the problem.”, he said to the lady, who was supposedly my mom.

I waited until he was out of the room before turning to look back to them. They were watching me like I was some freak puppet show.

“What problem was he talking about?”, I asked the lady.

“Don’t worry about that now, dear. We will tell you when you’re stronger.”, she said softly.

“I want to know now. I have the right to know.”, I demanded.

“She’s right, Mrs. M. Maybe we should just tell her, otherwise she’s going to get all worked up, and it will affect her heart.”, Gerard suggested, and I couldn’t help but smile brightly at him.

“All right. But you have to promise that you won’t get upset. You had been pregnant when you tried to kill yourself, and you had lost the baby.”, she said, stroking the back of my hand.

It felt weird and out of place to have someone that I didn’t know, touching and comforting me. I was staring at them in shock, and was sure that my eyes were bulging out of my head. Gerard was looking furious, but relieved at the same time, and with a mumbled excuse, hurried out of the room.

“What’s with him?”, I asked her, still trying to process that I had killed a human.

“He’s just upset, sweetheart.”, she said gently.

“Why? Was it his baby, or something?”, I asked worriedly.

“No, no, not at all. But you had been a couple for a while, before he went to college.”, she replied.

“I still don’t get why he’s upset if it’s not his baby. Why should he care? And whose baby is it then?”, I asked, getting irritated.

“It was Kyle Smith’s baby. And he cares because he loves you, and is mad at himself for leaving you. He says it was the biggest mistake he had ever made. They’re getting a divorce, you know, he and Lynn-Z, they’re just busy with the last formalities. And all your other friends had gotten married as well, but they’re all still happy together.”, she said.

“Where is Kyle Smith? If he was the father of the baby, why isn’t he here with us?”, I demanded.

She sighed loudly, and Gerard came back into the room. I didn’t acknowledge him at first, I was still staring at the lady, waiting for her answer.

“Why don’t you go get yourself some coffee, Mrs. Martins?”, Gerard asked when he reached my bed.

She nodded and stood up, leaving the room quietly, and I glared at Gerard.

“Can you tell me where the father of my dead child is?”, I asked.

“He shot himself when we thought you weren’t going to make it. He’s dead. If you’re mother hadn’t begged me to stay alive in case you woke up, I would be six feet under as well.”, he said as he sat down on the edge of my bed, taking my hand in his.

“Why would you want to kill yourself?”, I asked, alarmed.

“Because I had only realized when we thought you were going to die, that I can’t live without you. I hadn’t realized it before, because I knew you were still alive, but I didn’t see a purpose in continuing to live when you were dead. And then the doctor said that you were going to make it, but that he didn’t know when you were going to wake up. And now you’re finally awake, and I can look into your beautiful brown eyes.”, Gerard said softly.

“The lady, I mean my mom, had said that you had left me and were busy getting a divorce.”, I stated.

“Yes, it’s true. Lynn-Z and I had been dating before we did, and when I moved to college, she was there, and you weren’t and I was alone. I searched for comfort in her arms. After that I couldn’t live with myself, and let you go, which was the biggest mistake I had ever made. You had changed so much, cut off all your beautiful hair, started smoking and drinking, hanging out at clubs and cutting yourself. And it got worse after your father had died. You moved in with Kyle, and on your eighteenth birthday, the same day as my wedding, you just walked in front of a truck. It had been all over the news, but the people had cooled off by now.”, he said, stroking my face softly.

We stared into each other’s eyes and he started humming softly in his beautiful voice. My eyelids drooped, and I let them close gratefully as I drifted off into sleep.

The next day I woke up to the sound of the doctor’s voice, speaking softly to a woman. I opened my eyes, blinding sunlight streaming in through the room.

“Oh, good, you’re awake. It’s time for your CAT scan.”, the doctor said.

“Okay.”, I sighed as the doctor unplugged the heart monitor.

The woman, who I took to be the nurse, started pushing me bed out of the room while the doctor pulled along the IV pole. The CAT scan took forty minutes, and by the end of it I was practically bouncing with impatience.

“What’s your hurry?”, the nurse asked with a laugh.

“I hate this place, it gives me the creeps.”, I answered.

“In that case, let’s get you to your room. I’m sure your mother and your boyfriend is already there.”, she said with a friendly smile.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”, I said quickly, glancing up at her.

“Oh, it looked like he was. He had spent every day beside your bed since you came here.”, she said as she pushed me back to my room.

“Hello honey, how are you feeling today?”, the same old lady as yesterday asked me when the nurse pushed me into my room.

“Uh, I’m fine.”, I said, looking around for Gerard.

For some reason I had been anxious to see him, and relaxed when I saw him sitting in one of the chairs, watching me. The nurse reattached the heart monitor, and immediately the irritating beeping started again. The nurse smiled at me before leaving the room, closing the door behind her to give us some privacy. There was an awkward silence, but I could see the lady was burning with questions, but she didn’t ask them, because, obviously, I wouldn’t be able to answer. The doctor came in after a few minutes, and I sighed with relief when his presence took away some of the tension.

“How will I ever get my memory back?”, I asked the doctor.

Gerard came to stand beside my bed, also looking at the doctor while he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Well, it differs from person to person. Some get theirs back when they experience or see something familiar.”, he said, and I saw Gerard looking at my lips.

“And?”, I asked, blushing furiously, and avoiding his gaze.

“And for others it just comes back naturally, just suddenly. But you shouldn’t press yourself to remember, it can slow down the process. I think the reason you lost your memory is because you’re body wnet into shock, and your mind protected itself. You had almost died, and we had to do so many operations. And then another shock when you lost –“, he stopped dead, realizing what he almost said.

“-lost my baby?”, I finished his sentence for him.

He looked surprised, and glared at Gerard and Mrs. Martins, who both looked guilty.

“I thought I gave you strict instructions not to tell her?”, he said, his voice rising slightly.

“She demanded to know, and she didn’t take it badly at all.”, Gerard answered quickly, coming to their defense.

“You can be lucky. She mustn’t get excited or agitated, and she must not stress under any circumstances. I had sent in the scans, and we should get the results in a few days. And keep calm, Miss Martins.”, the doctor said before walking out.
“I’m sorry that I got you into trouble.”, I apologized shyly.

“Don’t worry about it, love. He had a right to be mad, but you had a right to know.”, Gerard said, squeezing my hand.

I was still gaping at him when he went to sit on the chair again. He had just called me love. The lady was staring at me, her face sad.

“I’ll call you mom, even though I don’t remember you at all, but hopefully I’ll get my memory back soon.”, I said softly, so that just she could hear me.

Her eyes filled with tears, and she squeezed my hand, a grateful smile on her face.

“I brought you something to read. You used to love reading.”, she said after a while, bending and taking something out of her handbag.

“Thanks.”, I said as she handed me the book.

For the rest of the day we all just sat and read quietly, or rather, I was lying down and reading. It was peaceful.

“Bye darling, I’ll see you again tomorrow.”, mom said.

It was still kind of difficult to think of her as my mom. She walked out quietly, leaving me and Gerard alone. My heartbeat sped up, and unfortunately he could hear it as well because of the stupid heart monitor. I blushed when he smirked at me, his eyes twinkling.

“It’s good to know that I at least still have an affect on you.”, he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

“Have you always been this full of yourself?”, I asked sarcastically, pushing his head away from my face.

He grabbed my hand and planted a kiss on my palm, sending a tingling shiver down my arm. I pulled my hand out of his grip, and ground my teeth when I heard him chuckle softly.

“Someday, everything will be like it was before.”, he said confidently.

“You mean, we’ll go out and you’ll dump me again?”, I asked innocently.

He flinched, pain flickering in his eyes.

“No. That will never happen again.”, he said quietly.

“How can you be so sure? If what you tell me is true, that I started doing all those things because you left me, then I must have been hurting quite badly. And now you think everything will just go back to normal? If I get my memory back, I doubt I’ll make the same mistake again.”, I said.

“I will never forgive myself for hurting you, and I know it will take long to gain back your trust when you get your memory back, but I’m not going to give up. I will get you, Shell. Mark my words. You will be mine.”, he said, suddenly confident again.

“Don’t hold your breath.”, I mumbled.

“I don’t need to, because I know that for a fact. I know you still love me, just as much as I love you. I can see it in your eyes, and hear it in the way your heartbeat speeds up every time I look or smile at you.”

“Goodnight, Gerard.”, I hinted, unable to come up with anything better.

“Goodnight, Shell. I love you.”, he whispered, blowing me a kiss before disappearing out the door.

I sighed, extremely irritated at his over-confidence. I will make his life an absolute hell when I get back my memory. I’ll make sure of it.

‘Or maybe you won’t. You know that deep down, you love him, but your mind refuses to acknowledge that fact. You’ll realize it when you regain your memory.’, my subconscious told me.

‘Maybe, maybe not.’, I argued, before closing my eyes and falling asleep.