Reflections

I felt like shit when my eyelids finally opened to reveal a hazy world. Everything seemed to be spinning but it all stopped once my eyes focused. I wasn't absolutely and completely alone. Revenge, Red, and Parade sat close by. I smiled to myself. Despite the drowsiness I felt and the knowing I was still sick, I felt good in a painfully depressed way. The world was still in a blanket of fog and not even the suns rays could break through. I heard a dull thump and I turned my head as best as I could to see what it was. A shadow came towards me and they spoke but to me it was gibberish. I seemed to have very little control of when my neck moved my head and so it just lolled lazily to the side as if I were a toy discarded by a child. The shadowy figure seemed frantic and rushed away still speaking nonsense. Soon more appeared and I became afraid. They moved quickly and they seemed to close in around me and take the sun away. I screamed in fear then felt something be administer to me by needle. Soon the foggy world swirled away and only sleep was left.

I groaned and reached up to take my head in my hands. The world wasn't foggy anymore but much too bright. I slowly opened my eyes to find myself in a well furnished office on a couch. Alex sat in a large comfortable looking black chair. She was chewing on another pen and her mind seemed to be elsewhere for the moment. I looked around the office. It was brightly lit by a large bay window and a clock ticked slowly on the dark blue wall.

"Welcome back." she seemed to snap out of her trance. "How are you feeling?"

"Shit." I mumbled. She smiled half heartedly.

"I should have known better then to give you Thorazine." she cast her hazel eyes to the floor. They looked so much like Franks.

"You love him." Red whispered in my ear.

"I do not." I groaned. Alex sighed and stood up. She walked over to a water cooler in the corner of the room and filled a paper cup with water. She walked back over and handed me the cup. "Thanks." she smiled.

"So, I need to know how you felt while you were in the zombie state."

"The world was in a blanket of fog and they were still there but I wasn't interested and the shadows attacked me." I explained.

"The shadows were nurses."

"Oh." I bit my lip.

"It's alright, no harm was done. Listen Gerard, you condition is going to get worse, much worse. Drugs or no drugs." I stared at her blankly. "Right now your in the first stage, you have your 'friends'." she made air quotes. "but you are still quite aware of your surroundings. Fuck, you seem completely normal." I kept staring at her blankly.

"How much worse...?"

"Your going to be very close to a vegetable." her eyes showed pain as she told me my fate. "Thorazine is like a chemical lobotomy, do you know what that means?"

"Where they take part of your brain out...?"

"Yes, but with the meds, its as if that happened to you. You were totally gone."

"Oh... well...umm... what can we do?" she raised her hands in defense.
“There is no cure for schizophrenia sadly but there are medications that can make you live a reasonably normal life. Of course, they all have side effects but nothing is perfect. Clearly Thorazine wasn’t the right drug for you.”
“I just want to be normal.” I felt myself crumbling to the pressure.
“Your never going to be normal, were here and were going to kill you.” Revenge sneered. Black ink was pouring from the ceiling and it was creeping closer and closer to engulfing me. Tears came down more freely as I screamed for mercy. Alex was vanishing before my eyes as if she was a hologram. Her auburn hair flew wildly around her face as black wings appeared. Her hazel eyes glowed red and I really thought I was about to die.