Reflections

All I do now is cry. What else is there to do when your bound by leather straps to your bed? I had no visitors besides Lauren delivering me new meds and Alex who told me not to give up hope. It was all very depressing.

"Gerard, how would you like t go outside, I'm on break." I didn't even notice her when she walked into the room.

"Sure." I didn't even turn my head.

"Cheer up Gee, I'm trying my best to make you better." she began undoing the leather straps.

"I know Alex." I said.

"Stay here and behave yourself." she warned then left the room.

"Maybe she likes you?" Parade asked.

"She is a fan." I said bluntly.

"No shit Sherlock." Revenge snorted. Alex returned with a wheelchair. She helped me out of bed and into the chair. There she bound my wrists and ankles to the chair. Why didn't I notice those.

"Smile." she began wheeling me out of my room. Down the endless corridors we went. We past other patients who looked as though they should be in the grave by now.

"Smoke?" the sun was warm and bright and the world seemed quite cheerful. I turned my head to see Alex holding out a cigarette to me.

"Please." she placed it between my lips and lit it for me. She undid one of my bound wrists to allow me freedom to inhale the poison. I felt so much better now. Revenge sighed contently beside me. "Isn't it bad for a doctor to give their patient a smoke?" she laughed.

"Maybe but whatever right, you could use some pleasure in your life right now." her hazel eyes looked out over the endless hospital parking lot. "My department wants to move you to an institution."

"They what?" I throat closed around the words so in they squeaked.

"They said this wasn't the place for you. Of course, it's up to you. Do you want to go? They can help you there."

"No! I've seen what those places do to people, they make them worse." she bit her lip and looked at the ground sadly.

"Alright, you will still be in my care then." I nodded at that.

"Alex, why do you care so much? Like, why do you always come to me and why are you so intent on making me better. Don't you have other patients besides myself?"

"Yes I have other patients but they don't take up much time, we have a lot of doctors in this place. You Gerard are special, you are one of my idols and I feel like its my responsibility to make you better or at least make you feel normal again."

"Ask her if she likes you." Parade whispered.

"Do you... like me or something...?" I looked away. She paused for a moment. Then she laughed.

"Did the voices tell you to say that?" I took a drag from my cancer stick and nodded. She shook her head still laughing to herself. She stepped out her cigarette and lit a new one. "I like you as a friend, how about that?" I nodded.

"Just wondering...."

"Relax Gee, you are my patient and I am your doctor. We are friends and no more, besides, I like women." she patted my back lightly. I smiled to myself.

"So your not scared of me?"

"Why should I be? It's not your fault you are the way you are." she cocked her head to the side.

"I guess..." I threw my cigarette to the cement, she stepped it out for me.

"Trust me Gerard, it's not your fault, no one knows what causes schizophrenia." I nodded.

"Thanks Alex." she smiled.

"Anytime."