Reflections

Confusion still filtered through my fucked up brain. If I attempted to commit suicide then who stopped their car and called my name if not for Frank? A nurse had come in to get Alex since she had an emergency to go too, something about a patient getting loose and trying to steal meds from the nurses station? So it was final. Two people cared about me; Alex and Frank. Alex only probably because it was her job and she was a fan and Frank because he was one of my best friends. So much for Bob and Ray who took off on me. I wish Mikey was here to comfort me, he always did when he was still alive.

"Gerard? You still awake?" I turned my head to see Alex looking in. She smiled at me. Was she really there or was it my imagination again?

"Alex, just before I jumped. A car stopped and someone screamed my name and I thought it was Frank but if he doesn't know... who was it?" the corners of Alex's mouth turned up in a pleasant smile.

"It was Graham, my brother and your boss." my eyes widened.

"Oh shit, now I'm going to get fired!" I covered my eyes with my hands and heaved a heavy sigh.

"No he wont, I told him what's going on and he understands. He thought about it but I told him that I prescribed a job for you to get your brain working. I doubt he would fire you anyways, his heart is too soft."

"Thanks." I smiled back. I felt it was a real smile, those were rare these days. "but.... now what?"

"Different meds probably. Clearly the symptoms have worsened and it is clear your depressed." I refrained from using sarcasm. "I can also tell you stopped taking your schizo meds..." she crossed her arms and looked slightly smug.

"Oops..." I managed and avoided eye contact.

"You have to take them even though they may turn you into a vegetable. This will only get worse until you won't be able to stay in touch with reality. Soon you may find yourself amongst an army of monsters and not realize they aren't there or you could get violent-"

"Wait, I could get violent?" my voice went higher then usual.

"In some cases..."

"How many cases?" I my eyes were focused on hers.

"Majority..." she looked down as if something was interesting on the sanitary floor.

"Great, i'll be a menace to society."

"Not if your on your meds."

"The what will happen? I'l be fucking in a wheelchair not being able to tell from left or right or even who you are!" I was screaming and Alex looked slightly alarmed. A nurse came in but Alex shooed her away telling her everything was fine. "Unless I die." I added scornfully.

"That's why I'll get you drugs for that and I'll look up your file to see what your supposed to take now. Anything else I can get you?" she turned to leave.

"A cup of coffee maybe?"