Pothead Poltergeists
Thanking My Lucky Stars
On the way back to Billie’s house, I spent the entire time staring blankly out the window. It’s amazing how many people in the world, or in the US at least, keep their Christmas lights up all year round. Either they like how it looks or they are really fucking lazy. If you ask me, I really don’t mind. It’s kind of funny really.
When I was little, I used to love the holidays. I was one of the lucky ones that got to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukah. My mom went to church until she was eight and my dad’s parents raised him and his twin brother Jewish. Well, I don’t go to either church or temple. But I loved being part of both.
You want to know why? I got more presents that way. Sure, they were smaller presents for both holidays because, man, that’s a lot. With four kids in my family times eight presents plus something big from Santa each. Major bucks if you’re not careful. But hey, that’s what Mom and Dad get for having four kids and two holidays. They committed themselves. And now I realize how much work my mom had to do. My dad never helped much with things like that. Not quite as bad as the Armstrong family with six, but still, that’s a lot to do every fucking year. But I’m glad she did because I loved it. I still do.
I hate the cold weather so it’s good we have the holidays to keep up moral, even if it is just a big marketing scam as some say. That’s probably why there are so many holidays in the coldest time of the year. People were miserable and needed something good to celebrate, and maybe they actually liked seeing family members at the time. Now it’s just annoying.
We’re lucky though. We are the only ones in our relative family that live out here in California now. My grandma and Uncle Andy were for a time, but then they went back to St. Louis where the rest of my mom’s side of the family live. As much as I love all my family, all they ever want to know is if I can drive, what’s my age again?, how that makes them feel so old, if I have a boyfriend and where I am going to college? All things I hate to talk about.
In fact, it pisses me off when every single person wants to know those exact things over and over again. Once and you are forgiven, but ten times and the next person to ask is getting their head chopped off tonight while they’re asleep. Although, I do love my family…
I am getting really fucking off track again. I wonder if I will give my kids Hanukah. I guess I will have to decide when I get there and with my husband…or wife.
Which ever it ends up being, they will do more things with our kids than my dad did. Hopefully, they will be more like Billie Joe. He’s a really good dad. And so are all his brothers and sisters at parenting. Comes from a good mother I suppose. That would be Ollie. She’s great.
Hey, speaking of Ollie, the Armstrongs are said to have dinner at her house every Tuesday. I wonder if we will go to that this week. It sounds like so much fun. Or perhaps I should just leave that to the Armstrongs. But wait, if Billie Joe is this…um, hot is the word…I wonder what his older nephews and nieces look like?
You know, I find that I am more attracted to boys than I am to girls on a regular basis. There are the times when you see someone walking down the street and you go ‘she’s hot’ you yourself, but I would not say that about anyone I know personally that is a girl. Plus, it is a little easier to tell a guy you like him than another girl who might not be expecting that like I would. Not that I could imagine telling a guy I liked him anymore than a girl though. Actually, it would probably be easier to tell a girl them. I’m a coward. That’s probably why I have no girl/boyfriend and I’m so fucking lonely. And horny.
Damn, why am I thinking about all that again? I start off talking about Hanukah and I end up coming back to me wanting sex. What the hell is wrong with me? Phh! Fine, fine, well, I feel better here in Billie’s house. It’s nice here. I don’t have to think about this shit on a regular basis.
And don’t get me wrong about me going on a couple of seconds back. I really do love my family.
Now, I am sitting on the second to top stair thinking. Billie is up in bed with Adie. As far as I know, they’re just sleeping, but I can’t help be nosy. And I may be nosy but I’m not perverted enough (or have even half the courage) to go look. He’d catch me anyway, I laugh to myself. No, he’s been too sweet for me to go invade his privacy more than I have already by pretty much coming to live in his home. And that would just be embarrassing.
I pick up a ball-point pen off the floor and draw a little star on the palm of my hand next to my thumb where I always put it. Any thing I draw or write as a reminder on my palm never stays long, but what’s on top might keep for a day or two. I like a little star there and I seem to re-draw it every time I have a pen in my hand. I would really like to get one for real. I mean I want it tattooed on.
Billie has a little red one on his wrist now that I think of it. I always liked his, but that’s not why I want it. I don’t want to copy. What I really liked was how Green Day fans started the star tattoos too for their “lucky stars” in honor of Waiting. Plus, they probably saw the ones on Billie’s upper arm and said, “That’s kickass!” like me. I like to draw in my own lucky stars now. That’s why I do it anyway.
I like it here. I really do. Everyone around me is so real now. None of those phonies like at home. But the more I think about staying, the more problems come up. Things aren’t going to stay the same around here forever. And my whole world back home would have to go on, and I would be left out of the picture. But I never thought of that as a bad thing. I never really felt like I mattered much in the first place. They are all the reason I came here. They made me want to run away from all that shit in the first place. Why should I feel bad?
So really, I have a choice. And this time, it’s only me who gets to say the answer because no one else knows that I have the choice in the first place. You still following me?
I can stay here or I can go back to living. And I suppose I should decide soon. I’ll stay a ghost for at least another week here. I think. Wait, I’m not all alone I guess. I can talk to Billie Joe now. And what would he say?
You know, I feel just like that kid Holden Caulfield again. I have no fucking clue what I am doing, and I’m sick of all the work they throw at me. I just don’t want to do it anymore. That’s why I left. That’s why I’m here now. Then again, Billie is like another Holden in himself. He wouldn’t know either. Or maybe he would. He’s made it. He’s alive and he loves his life. Come to think of it, he’s the perfect person to ask.
When I was little, I used to love the holidays. I was one of the lucky ones that got to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukah. My mom went to church until she was eight and my dad’s parents raised him and his twin brother Jewish. Well, I don’t go to either church or temple. But I loved being part of both.
You want to know why? I got more presents that way. Sure, they were smaller presents for both holidays because, man, that’s a lot. With four kids in my family times eight presents plus something big from Santa each. Major bucks if you’re not careful. But hey, that’s what Mom and Dad get for having four kids and two holidays. They committed themselves. And now I realize how much work my mom had to do. My dad never helped much with things like that. Not quite as bad as the Armstrong family with six, but still, that’s a lot to do every fucking year. But I’m glad she did because I loved it. I still do.
I hate the cold weather so it’s good we have the holidays to keep up moral, even if it is just a big marketing scam as some say. That’s probably why there are so many holidays in the coldest time of the year. People were miserable and needed something good to celebrate, and maybe they actually liked seeing family members at the time. Now it’s just annoying.
We’re lucky though. We are the only ones in our relative family that live out here in California now. My grandma and Uncle Andy were for a time, but then they went back to St. Louis where the rest of my mom’s side of the family live. As much as I love all my family, all they ever want to know is if I can drive, what’s my age again?, how that makes them feel so old, if I have a boyfriend and where I am going to college? All things I hate to talk about.
In fact, it pisses me off when every single person wants to know those exact things over and over again. Once and you are forgiven, but ten times and the next person to ask is getting their head chopped off tonight while they’re asleep. Although, I do love my family…
I am getting really fucking off track again. I wonder if I will give my kids Hanukah. I guess I will have to decide when I get there and with my husband…or wife.
Which ever it ends up being, they will do more things with our kids than my dad did. Hopefully, they will be more like Billie Joe. He’s a really good dad. And so are all his brothers and sisters at parenting. Comes from a good mother I suppose. That would be Ollie. She’s great.
Hey, speaking of Ollie, the Armstrongs are said to have dinner at her house every Tuesday. I wonder if we will go to that this week. It sounds like so much fun. Or perhaps I should just leave that to the Armstrongs. But wait, if Billie Joe is this…um, hot is the word…I wonder what his older nephews and nieces look like?
You know, I find that I am more attracted to boys than I am to girls on a regular basis. There are the times when you see someone walking down the street and you go ‘she’s hot’ you yourself, but I would not say that about anyone I know personally that is a girl. Plus, it is a little easier to tell a guy you like him than another girl who might not be expecting that like I would. Not that I could imagine telling a guy I liked him anymore than a girl though. Actually, it would probably be easier to tell a girl them. I’m a coward. That’s probably why I have no girl/boyfriend and I’m so fucking lonely. And horny.
Damn, why am I thinking about all that again? I start off talking about Hanukah and I end up coming back to me wanting sex. What the hell is wrong with me? Phh! Fine, fine, well, I feel better here in Billie’s house. It’s nice here. I don’t have to think about this shit on a regular basis.
And don’t get me wrong about me going on a couple of seconds back. I really do love my family.
Now, I am sitting on the second to top stair thinking. Billie is up in bed with Adie. As far as I know, they’re just sleeping, but I can’t help be nosy. And I may be nosy but I’m not perverted enough (or have even half the courage) to go look. He’d catch me anyway, I laugh to myself. No, he’s been too sweet for me to go invade his privacy more than I have already by pretty much coming to live in his home. And that would just be embarrassing.
I pick up a ball-point pen off the floor and draw a little star on the palm of my hand next to my thumb where I always put it. Any thing I draw or write as a reminder on my palm never stays long, but what’s on top might keep for a day or two. I like a little star there and I seem to re-draw it every time I have a pen in my hand. I would really like to get one for real. I mean I want it tattooed on.
Billie has a little red one on his wrist now that I think of it. I always liked his, but that’s not why I want it. I don’t want to copy. What I really liked was how Green Day fans started the star tattoos too for their “lucky stars” in honor of Waiting. Plus, they probably saw the ones on Billie’s upper arm and said, “That’s kickass!” like me. I like to draw in my own lucky stars now. That’s why I do it anyway.
I like it here. I really do. Everyone around me is so real now. None of those phonies like at home. But the more I think about staying, the more problems come up. Things aren’t going to stay the same around here forever. And my whole world back home would have to go on, and I would be left out of the picture. But I never thought of that as a bad thing. I never really felt like I mattered much in the first place. They are all the reason I came here. They made me want to run away from all that shit in the first place. Why should I feel bad?
So really, I have a choice. And this time, it’s only me who gets to say the answer because no one else knows that I have the choice in the first place. You still following me?
I can stay here or I can go back to living. And I suppose I should decide soon. I’ll stay a ghost for at least another week here. I think. Wait, I’m not all alone I guess. I can talk to Billie Joe now. And what would he say?
You know, I feel just like that kid Holden Caulfield again. I have no fucking clue what I am doing, and I’m sick of all the work they throw at me. I just don’t want to do it anymore. That’s why I left. That’s why I’m here now. Then again, Billie is like another Holden in himself. He wouldn’t know either. Or maybe he would. He’s made it. He’s alive and he loves his life. Come to think of it, he’s the perfect person to ask.