The Academy Of Bedroom Talk

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Final exams were over. As I handed in my test a huge sigh escaped my chest. I knew what finishing this test meant.

It meant that tomorrow I would be leaving Blakesdale. Not only would I be leaving the school, I'd be leaving all the friends I've made. I'd be leaving the crazy yet entertaining teachers I've had but must of all, I'd be leaving Luke, Dane and Skyler.

Skyler and I had barely made eye contact. He stopped trying to get my attention after he realized that it wasn't working. I had gotten over what happened but now there was something new standing in the way of me talking to Skyler. He still didn't know I was leaving.

I dreaded the walk up to the dorm room because I knew today was the day he would notice because today I had to begin packing.

I walked in and noticed no one was around. I relaxed for a moment before I stepped into the room Skyler and I had shared and sat on my bed.

Since our fight, I had moved into the living room but I still left all my things in me and Skyler's room. I would get dressed in there, study in there but I couldn't sleep in there.

I pulled the bags that I never thought I would see again out from under my bed.

The room fell silent but the silence was soon broken from my hysterical crying.

I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't want to leave. This place, as many bad memories as it held, was my home. Every person I met at that school changed me into the Holly that I am now and because of this change I was finally able to smile more. Back at home, I had barely any friends and could barely connect with anyone. At Blakesdale, I had the chance to meet some of the most amazing people ever and my best friends.

I suddenly heard the front door slam and I quickly tried to stop my loud sobs, I whipped my eyes dry and continued pulling my bags out from under the bed.

I prayed to whatever god was watching me that it wasn't Skyler, but, I guess this is what I get for never growing up with any form of religion around me.

Skyler swung the door open and then stopped in his tracks, unsure if he should continue walking into our room or avoid contact with me.

He shyly took a step back and turned around, pulling the door with him as he began to leave. Just as he was about to shut the door, another small cry left my lips. The door froze along with Skyler. He didn't say anything, he simply walked back into the room, closed the door and sat down on his bed.

"Holly..." He said quietly as he placed his book bag down next to his bed. His voice was soft and calm and sounded like the most beautiful music my ears have ever heard.

God, I missed that voice.

"Hi Sky." I said, trying to cover up my tears. I sniffled a little bit before picking up the huge bag and placing it on my bed.

"Going away for spring vacation?" he asked in his meekest voice.

"You could say that." I was calming myself down. Finally I gained composure but something was still making it hard for me to keep my eyes dry.

"Where are you going?" he sounded desperate to hear me talk. I knew Skyler very well but the way he was acting at this moment was the Skyler I would only see once in a blue moon.

"Sky I-..." I fell silent, choking on my own words. My back was faced towards Skyler as the warm spring sun gleamed through the window and his heat danced across my arms, making my hairs stand on end.

"Holly..." his voice echoed in the room until suddenly, I felt his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I never meant to hurt you. I'm an idiot. The biggest fucking idiot in the whole goddamn world and I don't deserve a wonderful girl like you in my life. You were right all along... I really am the biggest asshole in this school. I am the king of cockiness but that's almost the same as being the king of shit."

I was in awe.

Not only was this the first time that I had ever heard Skyler talk about himself lowly but this was the first time I have ever heard Skyler cry. I could feel his hot tears dripping onto my shoulder as he held me tighter and tighter, his chest heaving from holding back the sobs.

"Skyler I-"

"No, let me finish. Holly, I don't think you understand how important you are to me." he suddenly froze up. His tears stopped, his breathing stopped and I'm pretty sure his brain did too.

I wanted him to say it. He needed to say it. I was begging to that god watching me that he would say those three words, those words that would keep me here, that would make me storm down to the main office and demand that I stay. I needed those words.

"You're my best friend."

My body fell limp and my eyes began to swell.

Those are four words, you idiot.

I stepped forward, pushing myself out of Skyler's tight grip and crossed my arms across my chest, trying to hold back tears.

"Skyler, I'm going away."

He looked up from the floor, his eyes and face red.

"You always call me Skyler when you're going to tell me something bad or insult me..." he fell silent for a moment, "Where are you going away and when are you coming back?"

My heart was in the most pain it has been in for years. I dreaded the next words, I never wanted to speak them ever, but I had to.

"I'm not coming back, Skyler. I'm leaving Blakesdale... tomorrow." I turned around to look Skyler in those beautiful green eyes but instead all I saw was tears streaming down his face. All I saw was a broken boy.

"You... you can't leave." He said bluntly as he tried to hold back his tears, his face growing redder by the second.

"Skyler, I have to-"

"You can't leave, Holly! You just can't!" He shouted as tears began running down his cheeks like waterfalls. "You don't have to leave! You're doing fine here! You're doing great in school! You're working in the paper! There's no reason for you to leave!"

"Skyler, my family wants me to do better and the school things that I could be doing much better at the sister school." It was painful to see him like this but at the same time, I was feeling twice the pain that he was.

"You can't leave!" he shouted angrily. Tears began falling from my eyes as well.

"And why the hell not!?" I shouted back, unable to hold it in any longer.

"Because you can't leave me!" He shouted back as he whipped the tears away from his eyes, making room for more.

"And why not?!"
"Because you're my best friend! You're supposed to be there for me!"

I picked up a pillow off my bed and threw it at his face, my blood boiling with anger and sadness.

"You're so fucking selfish Skyler! All you care about is yourself! Why can't you for one second look at how things are for other people? Why can't you care about me the same way you except me to care about you? Why can't you fucking understand that I care about you twice as much as you care about me? I'm there for you, all the time. I feel pain when I see you in pain, I get happy when I see you smile, every time you kiss me, I want to scream at the top of my fucking lungs but you just can't feel that way about me! And all this time I thought I was more to you, Skyler. All this time I thought it was okay to love you a little, it was okay to let my guard down. But now I know. All I'll ever be... is your friend. "

My eyes were beginning to hurt from the strain of tears and my voice was beginning to go horse. Skyler was standing in front of me like a stone statue. I stood there, waiting for him to say something but nothing was said.

"Get out." I said sternly. "I need to pack." He didn't move.

"Holly... I..."

"Just get the fuck out." he glanced over my face one more time and seemed to try to make his body move forward, but he couldn't do it. He nodded his head and stepped out of the room. I heard the front door slam behind him.

As I fell to the floor sobbing the same words kept running around in my head.

'You're my best friend.'

I am in love with the king of fools but I am merely the joker in his court. I only wish to be his queen.

I continued to back but the tears did not stop.