What He Doesn't Know

I was hiding in the bus. I was hiding from Frank. I was hiding from the world. We had checked out of the hotel so now I had only blankets to hide under and that was exactly what I was doing. Of course I could have hid in the bathroom but it would draw too much attention to the other guys who may need to shit later on. So now I was under my blankets in tears because I was so confused on what to do with myself. I denied my best friend and my boyfriend, I got some chick pregnant, and I’m hiding out like the pansy I am. Everyone else was still coming. I ran here.

The bus door opened and closed. I still lay there motionless trying not to draw attention to myself. I heard footsteps coming my way. They went straight for the bunk across from me, Frank’s bunk, fuck. They stripped their clothes probably to their boxers and climbed into the bed. I waited a sew seconds then I heard small whimpering then I realized, Frank was crying! I bit my lip and took a breath of stuff air. I pulled the blankets back and saw it was Frank. His back was facing me and he was holding his Teddy Bear, Jamia got it for him. A stab of pain ripped through me. If I didn’t stop being such an arrogant asshole I was going to lose him.

“Frank?” I whispered. “Are you okay?” I mentally slapped myself. Of course it wasn’t okay! Nice going Gerard you asshole! He didn’t reply. “Frank?”

“What?” he choked.

“I wanted to know if you were okay.” He rolled over and stared at me like I was an idiot. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. His cheeks still had tears on them. I felt so bad for pushing him.

“What does it look like Gerard? Am I okay? You broke my heart!” I was fighting back tears myself as his voice cracked over his words.

“Frank you don’t understand-“

“Are you breaking up with me? Is that what you want?” he was crying again. I wanted so badly to go up and hug him and comfort him.

“No-“

“Then what is it?” he hissed.

“Just let me finish, please!” he stopped and starred at me. “Frank, I love you more then anything but please. I’ve made a horrible mistake. What happened on stage was an accident out of reflex and I’m so sorry for it. What I have done is something I will never forgive myself for.” At this point I was crying. “Nether will you. “

“What did you do?” Frank was biting his lip, I think he had an idea; he just wanted me to say it. I looked into his eyes trying to plead for mercy. Frank is my one and only, if I lose him I lose everything.