My Tongue is Tied to a Dream of Being with You

I hadn't been able to get to sleep, regardless of the fact that it was only 6:10 in the morning when the flight left. I spent an hour staring down out the window at the pretty patterns in the clouds, but even that had completely lost my interest now. Looking to my right, Cameron was snoring softly in the seat next to me. I smiled to myself and tucked a stray piece of his hair behind his ear. He's the only friend I've kept since mom died. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. After watching the last video and shedding a tearor a million, I told him everything. I couldn't keep this entire burden to myself. I mean sure, Tania and Daniel knew, but as much as I loved them I knew I couldn't rely on them forever. They had started their own family now, and as much as I love mini-Violet Rose Richards, I had some things to sort out.

I hadn't completely moved out of the house. I guess I still felt a bit too young and vulnerable for that, even though Cameron intended on buying an apartment as soon as he finished school and asked me to move with him. I probably will. But as of now, Cameron and I were in our last school holidays and taking a one-way flight to Chicago. We have no idea when exactly we'll be coming back.

“Tam?” a groggy mumble came from beside me.

I turned my head to see Cameron's hair completely ruffled, his eyes half shut, and a barbie look-a-like flight attendant with her blinding fake smile looking between us.

“Make her go away,” Cam grumbled, pulling blankets over his head.

The woman looked offended and straightened her back, a more sincere sneer fighting but losing to take over her well-composed face. She tossed a bag of peanuts back onto the tray that she was wheeling and placed her hands on her hips.

“Uh, no, no nuts for us thank you,” I gave her a small smile and she turned her slicked back blonde head and strutted away.

“Thank you,” Came Cam's muffled voice from under the blankets before he peeked his tired, grinning face out.

“S'okay,” I laughed as he stretched his muscles and discarded the scratchy blankets.

I returned to my previous activity of gazing out the window, but I could feel Cameron's eyes on me. I tried to ignore it, but I felt his fingers entwine themselves with mine. I gave in and looked his way.

“It'll all be okay, Tamilyn,” he said lowly, eyes sparkling in a way that drew most anyone in and trusted him immediately.

No matter how much I was pretending, he could see right through me. He could see every tensed muscle, every unsure and nervous feeling. And he was still there for me. Somehow, even if I get completely rejected by my father, with Cameron beside me I know I'll pull through.

“Okay,” I smiled and squeezed his hand.

Twenty minutes later, Cameron was once again sleeping on my shoulder, his brown hair covering his eyes. I shook my head in amusement at that kid's inability to stay awake or asleep for any longer than two hours at a time. Plunging my earphones (the headphones from Daniel were too precious to bring with me) into my ears, I switched on my iPod and went straight to my most played song.

The song that my mom would hum to me every night that I couldn't fall asleep. The song that I promised myself I would never forget. The song that I did forget.

“I walked you home most days
To beat the traffic after class
With all my best intentions.
But when the weather changed,
Like fine print you were hard to read.
Blindfolded, eyes wide open,
Staring through me...

I never heard the words that were spoken,
With the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true 'til now...

I saw things that I shouldn't have
Tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn't have,
I've gone too far to turn it back,
I've gone too far to turn it back.

Followed you home halfway
Over the fence to your backyard,
With all my best intentions.
And through your window frame,
Outstretched and lying on your bed.
Blindfolded, eyes wide open,
Staring through me...

I never heard the words that were spoken,
With the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true 'til now...

I saw things that I shouldn't have
Tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn't have,
I've gone too far to turn it back,
I've gone too far to turn it back.

Uninvited, no one knows
How much I care, how bad you are,
How good we'd be, but you won't let me in.
Goodnight, I'm leaving...

I never heard the words that were spoken,
With the rumored nights, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true 'til now...

I saw things that I shouldn't have
Tonight, tonight.
I know now what I couldn't have,
I've gone too far to turn it back,
I've gone too far to turn it back.

I walked you home most days,
I had the best intentions.
I walked you home most days,
I had the best intentions.

I walked you home most days...”

As the song drew to a close, I reached into my pocket and pulled out an old, tattered photograph that Tania had given me. Cameron was still fast asleep beside me, his hand unknowingly dangling dangerously close to his unfinished cheerios. I looked at the picture of my father that I was going to meet and smiled slightly at the tall man with wavy brown hair and a nice crooked smile. Flipping it over, I saw two words that made my heart leap into my throat and turn my whole life upside down. Those two words were everything I needed for now, regardless of how he would react. Those two words were my life, my truth, my father.

William Beckett.