These Words Are All I Have so I'll Write Them

Dear Diary.

Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. I’m a little stressed out at the moment. To say the very least.

Well, I suppose you’re wondering why. The reason is that Frankie’s dad is coming home from his business trip. And I’m more than a little worried about what he’ll think of me. And more importantly, what he’ll think of Frank being gay. It’s really nerve wracking.

I mean…

I don’t wanna get Frankie in trouble if he’s not allowed to see me but at the same time, I can’t go a day without him. I’d probably end up with counselling again. It’d royally mess me up. I’ve gotten so used to having him around and I love it so much that I don’t know what I’d do without him. In fact I’d probably just end up straight back in counselling with Dylan. Have a fucking relapse why don’t ya? Man this is not doing me any good. Frankie and I keep going to the park so I can have a smoke, which really isn’t good. Yep, cancer sticks are my best friends. Anyways…uh, why do I always say anyway? I’m getting on my own nerves.

I guess if we get banned from seeing each other, we can meet at school. I mean…he sits next to me so…yeah. Then again, his mom is in charge too, so his father can’t have total reign over us. Which is good right? Oh dear me, I’m asking paper questions again. This is driving me MAD! Okay, I gotta be positive…

…

Who am I kidding? I’m not a positive person! Damn, I gotta get my head straight. I gotta calm down. I mean, its Frankie’s dad. Surely he won’t hate me. I mean…he might not totally approve of me at first but…I can fix that. I mean…I’m a guy who practically lives in a leather jacket, never wears any colors but black and red and his hair is black and down to his shoulders. Not the type of guy you’d expect to be very well behaved. I am well behaved. I’ve never been in trouble with the police or anything. I’ve never hurt anyone and I’ve never damaged property. The most I’ve done is been caught smoking in school.

Yeah, typical Gerard, getting caught smoking. I do it on a regular basis but I just stand there and shrug when they tell me they’re calling my parents. I don’t really care anymore. Besides, I’m everyone’s cigarette guy. It gets me some extra cash.

They’re like.

“Gimme a smoke.”

And I’m like.

“Gimme a dollar.”

So it’s easily done. I once managed to get thirty bucks in a week. It’s pretty good.

I’m not really improving my reputation am I? I sound like a bad boy and I’m not, I’m pretty innocent. Honest. Ignore whatever Frankie says and trust me. I’m not usually in trouble. Okay well, I am. But only when I get caught doing something I shouldn’t…

Like smoking…

But that’s not the point! Bah, this is going nowhere. I’m gonna go and…

Make out with Frank I guess.

xo

Gee

P.S. I got a new phone! Whoop!