I'm a ***ing Princess
Only chapter of this random story my loves!
Once upon a time there was a handsome prince. He was on his way to save-
“Oh for fucks sake.” Frank slapped at the bug on his cheek that was trying to drink his blood. “Fucking flies…”
He pulled out his long sword and hacked away at the greenery that was blocking his path. He’d been at this for days, and right now his armour was really beginning to piss him off. It was heavy and hot, and reflected the sun into his face. He tripped over what must have been his 16th tree root today and thudded face first into the dust.
That was it, he was getting ride of the armour even if it meant he had to walk around naked. Frank stripped the heavy plates and chain mail off, to reveal a thin shirt and trousers. Now having no shoes he tugged at the worn socks and, leaving the armour in a pile, took his sword and carried on down the road.
Without the armour it was much easier. He smiled at the feel of the sun on his skin and his pace quickened without the added weight. His thoughts turned to the princess he had to save. He hated princesses, they sucked. Even though he was a prince, so should rescue and marry a princess. Fine if she was stuck in some cave, but taken by a mother fucking dragon? Whoa, no way! Even if they were in some cave he still hated them.
“Look at me with my pretty tiara and bracelet, I’m a fucking princess.” Frank muttered to himself as he dragged his toes along the floor. After another hour of this he reached a cave entrance. Caves can be fun…
“Hullo?” He called. “Any one home?”
There was no answer and Frank just shrugged. Ah well, no princess, might as well go home. He turned to leave when there was a mighty roar behind him. He held up his sword and spun around.
“What…the…fuck?” He asked, looking at the dragon the size of a Labrador. It roared again and came closer.
“You going to slay it?” A voice asked. Frank looked up to see some guy at the mouth of the cave, looking at the tiny dragon.
“You want me to?” Frank asked.
“Makes no difference to me.” The guy shrugged.
“Mmm…ok…” Frank gazed at the dragon, getting hit by a sudden flash of inspiration. “Ow, inspiration hurts.” He muttered, rubbing his head before picking up a stick. Frank threw the stick as far as he could. “Go get the fucking stick!” He told the dragon, which yelped happily and flew off to find it.
“So, uhm, if there a princess or something here?” Frank asked the guy.
“Just me.” He said with a shrug. “I’m the mother fucking princess.”
“Well thank fuck for that.” Frank said with a sigh.
“Why?” The guy asked. “Don’t you want some blonde, slutty princess?”
“Dude, I’m gay.” Frank told him. “Princesses piss me off.”
“Well this is your lucky day baby.” The guy said with a grin. “Gerard Way, dude in distress.”
“Frank Iero, hero and dragon, uhm, distracter.” Gerard laughed.
“So, how’d you end up in the cave?” Frank asked Gerard.
“Dunno, wandered up here.” He shrugged. “The king, my dad, I’m a prince, sent out a damsel in distress call to come get me back so I can tidy my room.”
“That sucks.” Frank commented.
“Yeah it does.”
“Wanna come back to my palace?” Frank asked.
“Why Mr Iero…” Gerard grinned.
“Come on, it’s a ten day walk.” Frank pulled at Gerard’s hand.
“I need to give you something.” Gerard said, pausing.
“Uh huh…”
Frank turned and Gerard kissed him hard, walking him backwards into a boulder. They made out against that boulder for a good 20 minutes before deciding they should really leave. The dragon didn’t come back, so they decided it had got lost. Walking hand in hand they went down the road and Frank hacked away at the trees again.
“Hey, it’s the dragon.” Gerard pointed to the small lump on the side of the road.
“Oh yeah…” Frank poked it and it moved slightly. “What shall we do with it?”
“Keep it as a pet.” Gerard said with a grin.
“Uhm, why?”
“Because I want it for our house!” Gerard squealed.
“Our house?” Frank questioned.
“Of course, you rescued me, you get my hand in marriage.” Gerard explained.
“Awesome.” Frank grinned. “Thank god it was you, I could have ended up with some…some…girl!”
They attached the dragon to a piece of rope they found by a tree and continued walking. When they had been walking for 2 hours Gerard pointed out another path. It took them back to Frank’s kingdom in half an hour, rather than 10 days.
And so, Gerard and Frank got married and lived happily ever after with their pet dragon in a land they like to call Frerard.
“Oh for fucks sake.” Frank slapped at the bug on his cheek that was trying to drink his blood. “Fucking flies…”
He pulled out his long sword and hacked away at the greenery that was blocking his path. He’d been at this for days, and right now his armour was really beginning to piss him off. It was heavy and hot, and reflected the sun into his face. He tripped over what must have been his 16th tree root today and thudded face first into the dust.
That was it, he was getting ride of the armour even if it meant he had to walk around naked. Frank stripped the heavy plates and chain mail off, to reveal a thin shirt and trousers. Now having no shoes he tugged at the worn socks and, leaving the armour in a pile, took his sword and carried on down the road.
Without the armour it was much easier. He smiled at the feel of the sun on his skin and his pace quickened without the added weight. His thoughts turned to the princess he had to save. He hated princesses, they sucked. Even though he was a prince, so should rescue and marry a princess. Fine if she was stuck in some cave, but taken by a mother fucking dragon? Whoa, no way! Even if they were in some cave he still hated them.
“Look at me with my pretty tiara and bracelet, I’m a fucking princess.” Frank muttered to himself as he dragged his toes along the floor. After another hour of this he reached a cave entrance. Caves can be fun…
“Hullo?” He called. “Any one home?”
There was no answer and Frank just shrugged. Ah well, no princess, might as well go home. He turned to leave when there was a mighty roar behind him. He held up his sword and spun around.
“What…the…fuck?” He asked, looking at the dragon the size of a Labrador. It roared again and came closer.
“You going to slay it?” A voice asked. Frank looked up to see some guy at the mouth of the cave, looking at the tiny dragon.
“You want me to?” Frank asked.
“Makes no difference to me.” The guy shrugged.
“Mmm…ok…” Frank gazed at the dragon, getting hit by a sudden flash of inspiration. “Ow, inspiration hurts.” He muttered, rubbing his head before picking up a stick. Frank threw the stick as far as he could. “Go get the fucking stick!” He told the dragon, which yelped happily and flew off to find it.
“So, uhm, if there a princess or something here?” Frank asked the guy.
“Just me.” He said with a shrug. “I’m the mother fucking princess.”
“Well thank fuck for that.” Frank said with a sigh.
“Why?” The guy asked. “Don’t you want some blonde, slutty princess?”
“Dude, I’m gay.” Frank told him. “Princesses piss me off.”
“Well this is your lucky day baby.” The guy said with a grin. “Gerard Way, dude in distress.”
“Frank Iero, hero and dragon, uhm, distracter.” Gerard laughed.
“So, how’d you end up in the cave?” Frank asked Gerard.
“Dunno, wandered up here.” He shrugged. “The king, my dad, I’m a prince, sent out a damsel in distress call to come get me back so I can tidy my room.”
“That sucks.” Frank commented.
“Yeah it does.”
“Wanna come back to my palace?” Frank asked.
“Why Mr Iero…” Gerard grinned.
“Come on, it’s a ten day walk.” Frank pulled at Gerard’s hand.
“I need to give you something.” Gerard said, pausing.
“Uh huh…”
Frank turned and Gerard kissed him hard, walking him backwards into a boulder. They made out against that boulder for a good 20 minutes before deciding they should really leave. The dragon didn’t come back, so they decided it had got lost. Walking hand in hand they went down the road and Frank hacked away at the trees again.
“Hey, it’s the dragon.” Gerard pointed to the small lump on the side of the road.
“Oh yeah…” Frank poked it and it moved slightly. “What shall we do with it?”
“Keep it as a pet.” Gerard said with a grin.
“Uhm, why?”
“Because I want it for our house!” Gerard squealed.
“Our house?” Frank questioned.
“Of course, you rescued me, you get my hand in marriage.” Gerard explained.
“Awesome.” Frank grinned. “Thank god it was you, I could have ended up with some…some…girl!”
They attached the dragon to a piece of rope they found by a tree and continued walking. When they had been walking for 2 hours Gerard pointed out another path. It took them back to Frank’s kingdom in half an hour, rather than 10 days.
And so, Gerard and Frank got married and lived happily ever after with their pet dragon in a land they like to call Frerard.