Letting Go

FANG POV

We flew back to Max’s Mom’s house reluctantly, at least on my part. The night was cool and clear, my wings blending in with the dark night sky. They shone purple in the moonlight. Max liked it. She smiled when I flew in front of the moon.

You could tell that she was still upset. I could see it in her eyes when she glanced my way, though she would turn her head and try to hide it. But at least she was smiling and laughing. She swooped and tumbled through the air as graceful as ever. I couldn’t help smiling when she wasn’t looking. I hadn’t seen Max so carefree in a long time.

She glided through the air above me and tumbled forward, doing a flip. She came out of it wrong and her wing folded back in on her. I panicked, rushing to her side, but she sorted it out and swooped on forward, riding an air current. I just shook my head and followed her.

I sighed and smirked as I watched her soar. Aerial tricks like that reminded me of that one time, the first time we both came to Max’s Mom’s house...

I walked into Max’s bedroom. Dr. Martinez wouldn’t let us share the same room, not like it was anything new for us.

Max was sitting by the window, looking out into the night, just thinking. Her mind elsewhere, she didn’t notice me sneaking in all stealthy like I always did. God, she looked beautiful. One of the reasons why this was one of my favourite memories. I remember scolding myself for thinking such things, not that I would ever now...

...I crept up behind her and just stood there, silent as the dead, watching her. The way the moonlight shone on her face through the open window... she looked so perfect. I could never deserve her. But when did I ever give up in what I wanted? I sighed and smirked, alerting Max to my presence.

She turned and looked at me and I quickly wiped all expression from my face. I was glad she hadn’t learned how to read eyes yet, otherwise I would have been a dead avian freak long ago.

She looked at me with a question in her eyes, though she tried to hide it on her face.
“Fang?” she asked nervously, looking away. “What... what do you want?”

I just looked at her. Then my brain reminded me I should respond.
“Oh, um... just wanted something to do...” I walked over to the window and leaned up against the framing.
“Oh...” she said, frowning.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing...” she said.

I raised an eyebrow questioningly. She sighed.
“I guess... I dunno. I guess I’m just worried about tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, Dr. Martinez was going to pull the chip out of Max’s arm. I reached out and stroked her hair with the back of my hand. She cringed back from my touch. That hurt.

I pulled my hand back and told her, “It’s ok. Everything is going to be alright. I wouldn’t let her hurt you would I?” I smirked at her.

She smiled shyly, looking down. My smirks were like Bambi eyes to her.

She stood up and looked at me, still smiling slightly and said, “No. No you wouldn’t.”

She took a step towards me and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back. I’d have to say I much enjoyed it, even if it was just a hug.

Suddenly she realized what she was doing and pulled away. I sighed in my head. It was good while it lasted. She stepped back and looked out the window again.

I had an idea.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing her arm and towing her onto the window sill with me. She looked at me, confusion spread plain across her face.
“Up for a little competition?” I asked. She nodded, smiling wider. Max loved competition.
“Ever done a front flip before taking off before?” She shook her head.
“Me either.” I said. “First one to do it wins.”

I stepped off the window sill to let her go first. She looked at me and I raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. She glared and smiled back.

She crouched down, ready to spring for takeoff, and launched herself out the window. She leaned forward and made the full 180 degree rotation. But she was falling too fast now and couldn’t get her wings out. She scrambled and caught the branch of the tree in the yard.

I laughed at her, and she jumped down from the branch. With one mighty wing stroke, she soared back up onto the window sill.

She glared at me. “Your turn.”

As she jumped into the room, I jumped out the window, did the full 180 flip and soared with one massive wing beat past the window. The trick was to unfold your wings just before you finished the rotation. I told Max, and she had to try it again. She got it after two tries. I applauded her. She bowed in the air and smiled.

“Fang?” Max asked.

I was startled out of my memories. I looked at Max and painted a ‘what?’ expression on my face.

“Do you think you can go supersonic?” she asked. My eyes widened and I shook my head.
“Not in a million years could I keep up with you.”
“Oh,” she sighed. Then her eyes lit up with an idea. She turned to me. I looked at her confused. She stuck her sneakers out in my direction. She smiled and said, “Hold on tight...”
I smirked, and grabbed hold of her ankles. We flew clumsily for a bit, until she said, “Ready?” I nodded.

All of a sudden I was pounded with what felt like a hundred Gs of force. Everything around me was a blur, including Max’s wings, and mine struggled to keep up. But it was intensely exhilarating. It was incredible.

Eventually Max slowed and the world came back into focus. I let go of her ankles and fell about a foot before I remembered how to flap. I returned to her level and she laughed at me.

We were floating above Max’s mum’s house, and Max flew down to the big oak tree in the front yard. I followed her. She landed running and stood at the base of the tree. I did likewise and sunk to the ground leaning up against the big trunk. Max stared down at me, her hands on her hips.
“Tired?” she asked playfully. I shook my head.

Suddenly she got that distant look on her face that she got when someone was talking to her in her head. I waited patiently, last time I tried to talk to Max while the voice was exploding in her head, it didn’t end well.

Soon she returned her attention to me. “Angel says that Mom and Jeb aren’t too pleased that we’re not home yet. She said she’s going to try to calm them down. Do you mind if we hang out here for a while?” she asked. “I don’t want to have to talk to them if I can avoid it.”

I didn’t mind. I shook my head and patted the ground in front of me. Max came over and sat in my lap, which surprised me. Maybe Max had changed a lot more tonight than I thought.

She leaned up against my chest and I wrapped my huge black wings around her. She sighed contently. I decided I’d ask her.
“You seem...different.” I said and felt like banging my head on something. How come when it mattered, I could never talk to Max?
“Is... is that a bad thing?” she asked nervously.
“No. No,” I said quickly. “No, it’s just... I didn’t expect it from you, that’s all.” I smirked to try and show that I didn’t mind the change. I hoped she understood.
“I... I feel different,” she said slowly, like she was unsure of her words. “I... I feel like I don’t have to fight anymore, like I can feel what... what I want to. I don’t have to hide anymore. Well, at least from one less person,” she said snuggling closer to me. I smiled.

I could feel her breathing slow, and her eyes flicker shut. She was fighting to stay awake, but she was tired.

And I found myself remembering a song I heard the other day when Nudge turned on the radio to some station that played music I couldn’t stand. Yet I remembered this song, so clearly, I remembered all the words, and they fit so perfectly for Max now. And before I knew it, I found myself singing them softly to Max.

When you find yourself,
In some far off place,
And it causes you,
to rethink some things,

I carefully stroked Max’s hair. The poor thing. She was so lost. For once the amazing Max didn’t know what to do. And it was all my fault.

You start to sense,
that slowly you’re becoming someone else,
and then you find yourself,

That’s what I hoped. That Max would find herself. Just once she would know who she was. That she would still be my Max.

when you make new friends,
in a brand new town,
and you start to think,
about settling down.

I hoped that maybe, just once, Max would stop worrying about the flock, and saving the world, and the voice in her head and do something, just for herself once, without worrying what everyone else thought.

The things that would have been lost on you,
are now clear as a bell.

And you find yourself,
yeah, that’s when you find yourself.

Just find yourself Max, I thought. Just know who you are and make a decision for yourself for once.

Well, you go through life,
so sure of where you’re headed,
And you wind up lost.
And it’s the best thing, that could of happened.

Max, forget about the saving the world, and just... just be lost with me for and hour, a minute, a second even. Take a break Max, you need it.

‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way,
it’s really just as well.

Because you find yourself,
yeah that’s when you find yourself.

I looked down at Max. She was humming the tune, she knew the song too. God, she looked so beautiful. I don’t know why I even bothered trying. I could fight for her, I would probably die for her. But as soon as I got her to love again, she was just going to run off to someone else. She wouldn’t give a second glance at me. Why would she?

By now Max had fallen asleep. I stroked her blond curls behind her ear. I loved her. What else could I do but help her?

When you meet the one,
that you’ve been waiting for,
and she’s everything,
that you want and more.

Max. She’s my everything, she’s my world. She’s just so perfect, I’ve never seen her falter. Sure, she was in an emotional mess, but none of that was her fault.

You look at her and you finally start,
to live for someone else.

And then you find yourself,
yeah that’s when you find yourself.

I lived for Max. I was pretty sure that was the only reason why I was an avian freak sitting here right now. Max was lonely, hurt and abused. Then there was me.

We go through life,
so sure of where we’re headed,
and then we wind up lost,
and it’s the best thing that could of happened.

Maybe I was lost too. I didn’t know my story. I didn’t know where I came from or who I was or who my parents were. I didn’t know my fate, or what tomorrow would bring. But I didn’t care. I had Max. That’s all I needed. That’s all I’ll ever need.

‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way,
it’s really just as well.

Because you find yourself.
Yeah, that’s when you find yourself.

“I found myself,” I whispered to a sleeping Max. “I found myself in you. I love you. I always have and I always will. I’m yours Max. Just face it. Maybe you feel the same way, I really don’t know. But I know I need you, and you need me too.”

I kissed the top of head lightly.
“Goodnight Max.”

I heard footsteps coming our way, cracking the underbrush, and not wanting to be seen, I whisked Max and me from visible reality.