And You Thought Your School Sucked

Kasey

I almost scoffed at the news. We were getting a foreign exchange kid at a school like ours? That was one of the dumbest things I’ve heard since I read Stephenie Meyer’s version of vampires.

I mean really, how long could a human last here?

Okay, let’s get some things straight about vampires here so you know.

Yes, we have fangs, and we use them, but we can make them come out like cats do with claws so they don’t always show unless we want them to or our instincts tell us.

No, we don’t sleep in coffins. Well, I can’t talk for the teachers at our school but I know for sure that the students don’t.

Crosses, stakes through the heart, and sunlight doesn’t kill us, or garlic, I mean way too many of us are Italian to hate garlic. Sunlight just bothers our eyes. Most of us are Christian anyways…I mean it’s not like we’re demons…I think.

Yes, we’re attractive. But I suggest that you humans look and stay far, far away. Because once you get a vampire to take a liking to you, it’s a bitch to get them to leave you alone.

Trust me.

You see the one thing that’s the problem about vampires is that one bite doesn’t turn you. It doesn’t give off venom…unless they want it to. Otherwise it gives off enzymes that make humans high.

That’s why vampires call human girls that have sex with male vampires (it doesn’t make mutant half human half vampire babies, humans can have babies with humans and vampires with vampires, it doesn’t work half way…as far as we know) blood whores since they’re hooked on the enzymes.

That’s how I fell into their trap.

I used to be a blood whore (or as my friends prefer fang banger) and I guess my vampire took too much or something.

I don’t remember much about it.

All I know is that for the humans’ sakes I’m going to try to keep those humans away from the other vampires. If I can help it, that is.

I just know that none of them want to end up like me.