Love hurts, but only mine kills.

I don't think anyone bothered to learn my name for the entire seven years I went to that school. I guess it never crossed their minds that I actually had a name- or a life to be perfectly honest. So I just sat there in lessons, hunched over, writing; ignoring everyone else. I think thats what started it- people hate being ignored. It started off as name calling, which is kind of ironic really seeing as no-one actually knew my name. Slowly it progressed to pushing; shoving me around or out of the way.

The really bad stuff started when I moved to upper sixth form- I thought maybe they'd of grown up a bit, I was wrong. The main guy, Dan, was an athlete. Captain of the basketball team, captain of the rugby team, captain of the football team, you name it- he captained it. He was the only one who did the hitting- the others just called me a silly name and left me alone- maybe we'd bonded throughout the seven years of mental torture. It actually made me feel good when Dan's mate said 'leave him alone Dan- he's alright'. But friends don't have as big of an influence as you would think. He left me alone in school, but when I walked home- he was there- stalking me, ready to pounce. He would do so when i walked into the alley- its completely secluded.

Everyday it would be the same- he'd beat me up to an inch of my life, steal something off of me and run off leaving me in the dirt. Doesn't it make you sick how someone could do that to someone else? or is it just me who thinks its wrong- cause my mum didn't care and neither did the police.

That summer day was just like any other- and of course I remember it as if it were yesterday. It replays over and over in my head. Everything was the same- Dan followed me home and beat me up- not as badly as the day before but still, being beaten up is being beaten up, right? After he'd finished beating me up is when the events did a complete random turn that I really wasn't expecting. He kissed me. Right on the lips- of course I didn't kiss back I'm a perfectly straight guy.

"Sean," he whispered as he lay on top of me in the alley, he caressed my bruised face as tears rolled out of his eyes. I gathered all my strength and pushed him off of me.

"Oh so you actually do know my name!" I screamed, "what the fuck are you playing at?" he broke down into hysterics.

"Sean I'm so sorry," he whimpered, "I only do it because I love you" Anger surged through my body and I smacked him in the jaw causing him to flail onto his back. I was in pain and thought I'd just broken my knuckles but I didn't care- I was just too mad.

"Sean, please!" he mumbled as his jaw hung limply, "I do it cause the guys can't know I'm gay!"

I picked up a brick and blinded by rage I smashed it to his head, he screamed. I straddled him hitting him again and again with the bloody brick, I couldn't stop.

He begged for his life, but I wasn't listening.

"You!" Smash, "Can't!" Smash, "hurt!" Smash, "Me!" Smash, "Anymore!" I held the brick high above my head and slammed it into his face. I was crying, hysterical even, as I noticed he wasn't breathing. The floor was covered in blood, he was covered in blood. I was covered in blood.

I took proper action. I cleaned up the blood, I burned his clothes, I burned my clothes and I took him to a swamp 17 miles away from the town, put him in a big bag, tied weights to it and threw him into the water. The police investigation into his disappearance was short- mainly because his mum thought he'd just ran away. I never breathed a word to anyone about what happened and eventually he was gone and forgotten. I moved on, i went to college, i started a band.

And thats where i am now. On tour with my band- we've just been to japan. I think of Dan everyday, I think of how I murdered a sexually confused 17 year old in cold blood. It eats me up inside, everyday I hate myself more and more. I'm Sean Smith and I'm a murderer- I will always be a murderer.

Love hurts, but only mine kills.