Love hurts, but only mine kills.

Lately I've been feeling really weird. I've kind of stopped eating and I've become a lot quieter- and, if you've met me, you'll know thats odd because I'm a complete loud mouth. The other day my girlfriend asked me 'Sean are you alright?' and I, of course, said that I was and that I was just thinking. She said 'oh, what about?' and being the lovely person I am I said 'you of course' which has made me feel quite guilty- because the bare fact is that i feel as if I'm growing away from her. Anyway, the rest of the guys have put my lack of communicating and eating down to the fact I'm head over heels in love. I kind of wish that was the case.

So? What am I doing now? I could lie and tell you that I'm surfing the world wide interweb (I like to call it that) and messaging people on facebook and myspace. I could tell you that I'm writing a new song. But I won't. What I'm really doing is contemplating telling Gavin about the whole 'I'm a murderer' thing.

Where do I start with Gavin? Well, he's got a lot more going for him than you'd imagine- a loving girlfriend, adoring fans, a beautiful voice, he's quite a looker and- most importantly- he's never beaten someone to death. I'm quite jealous of Gavin- I actually think I sound quite silly next to him on stage. Anyway, insecurities over, on with the story.

"Gav?" I squeaked accidentally, I cleared my throat, "Can I have a word?" He smiled, nodded and lead me into another room of the dressing room place.

"Whats up?" he asked politely

"Well-"

"Actually, before I forget, Ian's coming to do vox on high tide tonight and to just, y'know, hang out" Gav interrupted, "Now what did you want to say" I hesitated for a moment. I felt like running out of that room and never looking back. I mentally slapped myself.

"Well, there's something- about my past-"

I got cut off by the others walking into the room. Maybe I'll kill two birds with one stone and tell all of them together. Gav was about to tell them to leave when I said, "Now you're here I might as tell you lot as well"

"Go on then, haven't got all day" Bob said, tapping the table

"There's something- about my past- that I have to tell you," I paused, took a deep breath and continued, "At my old secondary school I was bullied- a lot. No one ever said a nice word about me for the entire seven years I was there-"

"Dude, I'm so sorry" Snoz interjected

"Upper sixth form," I continued, "Was when the physical abuse started. But the funny thing was there was only one guy who actually hurt me- the others just left me alone and called me harsh names. The guy who beat me up was called Dan," oh my god, I said his name. For the first time in nearly eight years, I said his name. I held back to the tears of shame, "Everyday after school he'd beat me to an inch of my life. One day things were different, he didn't beat me as bad and he...he...he"

"He what, Sean?" Matt asked

"He kissed me," I still sounded surprised, eight years later and I still sounded surprised, the other guys looked shocked as well, "Then he told me he only bullied me because he loved me and he didn't want his friends to know he was gay"

"Shameful!" Gavin sounded angry, "I want to go find this bloke and kick his ass" That did it for me, I burst into tears.

"You can't," I sobbed, Rhys tried to hug me but I pushed him away.

"Why?" Gavin asked innocently

"I killed him" Silence fell over the room as I composed myself and stopped crying.

After about seven minuets of silence, Bob plucked up the courage to say, "What?"

"I beat him to death," The room gasped, "With a brick"

Suddenly the door swung open enthusiastically, a cheery looking Ian Watkins, smiling and saying, "Helloooo?" waltzed into the room. He noticed my tear stained face and everybody else's shocked expressions.

"Oh my god," He said sarcastically, "Who died?"

Heh. He had no idea.