It's A Disaster

“Crash and burn, crash and burn…” he mumbled along with the CD as he drove as quickly as he could, glancing at the time. In approximately five minutes he would look like an idiot- he knew that much. The only question was how much of an idiot. As much as when she told him never to talk to her again, in front of everybody? Probably. That had been unexpected, though, which made it worse; she had always argued with him, but she had never done anything really terrible like refusing to talk to him until she met Mark, her now husband-to-be.

More of an idiot, definitely, than anyone he had seen doing this on TV; stopping a wedding halfway through with something very important to say, as the priest and the congregation look on in shock. And there was never any chance of those people on TV being punched in the face by both the groom and the bride, which was probably going to happen to him.

Then again, he wasn’t going to stop it in the church. At least, as long as he was on time. The plan was to stop her just outside. It might fail spectacularly or, hopefully, go well, but he wouldn’t feel right interrupting in front of an actual priest. Or the groom.

“Lived and learned, lived and learned…” he sang along (because it was singing now, not mumbling) and drove faster. A quick glance down at the time again. He was going to be late if he didn’t hurry. He sped up and went through a red light, apologising mentally to the now very annoyed man who he had just escaped hitting.

“…That’s alright, oh that’s alright…” The song was turned up along with the speed. His slightly irresponsible driving was another thing she had kept arguing with him about, before she got a car and he had to drive her everywhere. “Jamie! Slow. Down. Or I’m going to KILL YOU!” They were probably her worst qualities, her fiery temper and the way she sounded when she raised her voice.

“It’s an incredible mess!” he sang with a strange mixed feeling of panic and excitement. He was going to look like an idiot, he might as well look like a punctual idiot. Even if it meant that his idiocy would end up forever in both in everybody’s memories and his criminal record. He looked down at the time again for a second too long, and turned that moment into what would in the future be the most vivid memory he had of that day.

When his eyes returned to the road he realised that he was just outside the church, which would have been a relief were it not for the immediate realisation that came with it, that he was centimetres away from the car that had stopped in front of him with no chance at all of slowing down. This all happened in a second, and before he knew it there was a noise that he had never actually heard in real life- the sound of a car crash.

When he opened his eyes, there was another realisation. He was completely fine, as was the CD player that still sang “…panic, alarm and distress, but it’s all we got now…” The front of the car, on the other hand, was ruined, and there was a woman tapping at the car window with a concerned expression. He looked at her properly and recognised her with a sinking heart. He rolled down the window.

“Jamie? What the fuck?!” she screamed in the window. He thought there was something unnerving about the combination of her pure, snow-white dress and the anger in her screaming. He closed his eyes, with the kind of tiredness that comes with having been perfectly happy up until that point in time. “You’re not supposed to be coming! And if you are coming, you’re not even dressed right. But you’re not coming. Dammit, why are you even here?” For a second, he hoped that she was going to stop talking before she got a chance to mention his driving. “And I bet you were driving too fast,” she finished smugly, proving him wrong brilliantly.

“I came because the man you’re marrying is a…” Jamie paused, not sharing her innate talent for swearing, “…he’s a liar, ok? I’m almost certain he’s cheating on you, and he just acts creepy. I’m only trying to do what’s right. I’m not as useless with stuff like this as I am with driving.” He quickly predicted her next sentence, and added “Or picking out birthday presents that you’ll like. Because I know you’re thinking it. I’m absolutely, positively sure that I’m not as bad with this as I am with buying presents.”

She didn’t scream, but tears had started rolling down her face, ruining the make-up she had most likely spent all morning on. “Do you want to come into the car and talk?” he asked weakly, and she nodded. Once she had gotten in, the floodgates opened and she properly cried. She let out a pathetic wail and he wanted to cry himself. It was a bond like everyone had always said they seemed to have; her sadness was automatically his.

“He’s cheating on me… you said you’re almost certain but I think it’s actually true, I mean he did it before, and… and…” she said, sobbing, and she didn’t talk as the tears gradually stopped. He realised for no particular reason that the song had ended, and turned the music down so that the car was silent. Jamie looked out the window to see a woman running down the steps of the church, looking curiously at the car. She came up to the window.

“Marie?” the woman asked the bride confusedly, “why aren’t you in the church? Mark’s getting a bit impa…” “Impatient” hung in the air as the woman made eye contact with Jamie and looked slightly bewildered.

“Please tell me you’re not running away with some crazy ex-boyfriend,” the woman said, half-jokingly but still worried. Marie burst out laughing. Her make-up was a mess but Jamie was happy there was a smile on her face again; he didn’t think he had seen her smile genuinely for years.

“No way! This is my twin brother, Jamie. He’s only older than me by some tiny amount of time but he thinks he’s a “responsible older brother”. I should be happy, really. He’s protective like you wouldn’t believe,” Marie said happily, smiling at her brother. “And he came to save me from Mark, who told me two years ago to stop talking to Jamie. We hadn’t talked since ‘til today.”

“So I’m taking it there’s no wedding,” the woman said, and Marie shook her head, messing up the position of her veil. “Alright then.” Before anyone could say anything else Jamie had reversed the car, which hadn’t seemed to be damaged in any way other than its appearance. He skipped back to the song he had been playing and fast-forwarded to his favourite part.

“It’s a disaster, it’s an incredible mess,” he sang with his sister as they drove at some insane speed into the distance, and laughed manically. It would always be remembered as a disaster of a day, but happy disasters are the best part of family.